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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be feeling so lonely this time of year

138 replies

snowwheel · 15/12/2018 16:44

I finish work next week and I’m dreading it a bit to be honest.

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 16/12/2018 08:42

I actually deplore that workplaces now seem to force a compulsory closure over Christmas.

My workplace never used to close down over Christmas but it does now - and I can understand how that time between Christmas and NY can seem interminable if you are lonely. Being able to go to work breaks it up a bit.

Justaboy · 17/12/2018 20:52

In France where i use to go they had Xmas day, made a big thing of it, quite a few of them were back at work the next day!

Unlike here ,now two weeks and no one can rember what they were doing before they shut down and it takes some a week afterwards to remember that far back;!

Pardon my cynicisim;!

Snowwheel

I really hope you find someone who will be your mate, lover, life partner that specil person whatever, seems to me thats what you really want and so it seems do a lot of others.

But it has to be the right one, nothing worse in the world than the cold marridge bed;(

Citylivingwithdogs · 17/12/2018 21:05

Loneliness can be crippling. I’m so sorry Snow that you’re feeling down. I realise it probably means very little from a stranger on a forum but I do hope you manage to get through the Christmas period the best way you can and I wish you every happiness for the New Year.

christmassspiritwoo · 17/12/2018 21:28

Snowheel, Juliana and sweetpotato you all sound in a similar situation...
Not sure what the chat guidelines are but you could find some common ground here and make a connection and meet for a Christmas lunch somewhere in a pub if you can afford it ? Or if not Christmas Eve or Boxing Day?

What I don’t get about this thread is why when somebody says I am lonely or can’t make friends ... why wouldn’t people who feel the same jump at the chance to make a connection?
But that is me... I would .. but I understand is not everyone’s personality or confidence to do so?
I have learnt to reach out and build relationships that are going to be around during festivities. But I guess this is not easy for everyone so maybe you all need a little push.
This is said in good nature and hope I am not offending anyone

Julianaa · 17/12/2018 22:18

Hi christmassspiritwoo. I am really grateful for your kindness. I have friends, good friends, and will spend 6 days of Christmas with my family who I love dearly but I still feel incredibly lonely without DP and life feels pointless without him. He is my whole world. He is everything. I love him so much. I know this will sound so selfish and I realise I am so so lucky to have friends and family but right now I just can't shake this overwhelming feeling of incredible loneliness. Thank you for your kind words.

Judeeee · 19/12/2018 19:31

Feeling very lonely atm. Social media, and the general media, is really getting me down. It seems everyone else is at xmas parties tonight except me and DH. A few years ago we had a busy social calendar throughout December but things are different now and I feel fucking sad and lonely. Can't wait for the next week or so to be over.

kateandme · 21/12/2018 03:44

have you looked online for where you live op.im unsure whether you can get out of the house.but lots more places are putting things on for people on their own at crimbo.some pubs and restuarents etc.some cafes and even cinemas?

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 21/12/2018 04:13

Snowwheel and others Im sorry you're feeling like this, it's miserable and you have my sympathy.

its been my experience in life that life goes in phases, and that things can change, sometimes dramatically. Over my lifetime I've had times when I've felt very lonely, other times not at all and then other phases in between. I understand that when you're on your own it feels harder to put yourself out there and go to places on your own.

I have a friend who is retired who for years had a bit of a fallow period in terms of having things of interest and social interaction. Then they found something they enjoyed - in their case being a film extra - that gave them an interest and that they were in demand for. It has been wonderful to see how that friend has blossomed - a sparkle in their eye, a keenness to interact and have a joke with others. It's wonderful.

There's something like that out there somewhere for each of you . It may well come to you, but it's more likely to work out and happen sooner if you can get out and about and talk to other people. If you want to win the lottery you kind of have to buy a ticket, you know? A chance remark can sometimes lead to all sorts of opportunities and discoveries.

Perhaps this quiet time could be a time to really think about what you enjoy and what gives you a sense of satisfaction and pleasure. Rediscover some old pleasures and interests and think of some new Ines you'd like to pursue. Who knows where the next twelve months may take you?

I wish you well in your endeavours. 💐

LonelyandTiredandLow · 21/12/2018 04:35

Dread here too. Always feel I'm not organised enough to know what is on television. Fully intent on eating an entire cheese board infront of the tv at some point.

Rafabella · 21/12/2018 04:38

So sorry you are feeling like this. Know that this is extremely common at this time of year. Do you have family or a few friends that you could confide in? Volunteering is an excellent way of meeting really kind people - all giving their time and compasssion selflessly. Contact the Samaritans and tell them how you’re feeling. You may even get an opportunity to be part of something that will help you by helping others? My heart goes out to you in the meantime.

Rafabella · 21/12/2018 04:41

Lovely post by Hopeisnotastrategy.

jessstan2 · 21/12/2018 04:44

Loneliness is a strange and unpleasant feeling and has nothing much to do with how many or few people are around. I've felt acutely lonely at times with friends and family, it's a state of mind. It's also very tiring.

One thing about having time off from work is you can curl up, read, watch TV, sleep when you like. All that can be very pleasant.

OP, it will soon pass, you'll be back in harness before you know it. Christmas and new year are not everyone's favourite time of year so you are not alone in feeling as you do.

Flowers Wine

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/12/2018 09:16

This might be as trite a suggestion as "getting out more" - but do you have a pet? Even a bird or a small pet can reduce your loneliness.
I had guineapigs - they helped - got me out of bed, got me out of the house to buy food, even if I didn't care about myself, I still had to feed them. They also didn't care that I went to work (unlike cats or dogs who are more "high maintenance") and they gave me someone to talk to when I came home.

Like I said, it might sound trite, but it helped me.

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