To be feeling so lonely this time of year

[snowwheel]

I finish work next week and I’m dreading it a bit to be honest.

Oh do stop it, swipe, all I said is that I didn’t want to volunteer or go on a group holiday.

I really don’t know what it is with this place. You nearly always get someone who wants to give you a kicking.

@Swipetounlock
Maybe they just want to come on here and talk about it. And perhaps have a whinge where no one knows them, maybe just wants to feel a bit better knowing that other people feel for them.

Not everyone wants to be running charity events and going to church and thousands of other endless stuff.

You could have just walked away from this thread and not said anything instead of making a did.
That shows a real lack of empathy

Swipe have you ever considered that the OP may be depressed and/or anxious and it's not as easy as you seem to think. People can be lonely but unable to access the activities that others think might help stop them being lonely.

In any event, it isn’t activities per se I am looking for but actual connections, which is far harder!

I do have plenty of empathy. I once spent 9 days over Christmas without talking to anyone. But coming on here for a moan wouldn't have made it different, unless I tried some ideas for action in the real world.

Well, look, I don’t want an argument, let’s leave it there.

I think it’s a very hard time of year. And making connections is difficult.
Sometimes when you’re down you just want to offload and that’s ok

Maybe it makes a difference to the OP? Maybe she just wanted to talk? Guilt tripping her about other people having it worse is just going to make her feel like shit, but was that the point?

OP, it's a difficult time of year. I struggle with December. However, when it gets decent amount into January I often feel better. Can you find any small things to celebrate - the winter solstice on Dec 21 when the nights start drawing out (if you hate the winter). January. Can you plan a meal or something nice for a random date between Christmas and New Year, or in the first few days of January.

If work helps, is there any work you can do at home or learn a language or something to take your mind off it. Or go on online dating and chat to random people. Maybe you don't want suggestions and just wanted to talk - I understand that too.

Thanks. I’ve had a really tough time for a while now and I thought this year I’d make things better and I have after a fashion but things are still very unsettled.

I think it’s quite normal to have negative feelings at this time of year, Christmas brings it all to the surface - you aren’t alone, a lot of people feel the same way.

I think you need to work out what you want to do - are you content watching films, doing things around the house, baking/reading/arts and crafts/something productive like learning a language? If not, could you arrange to do nice things - go see a show, go to a museum etc?

No one wants anyone to feel like shit. But a virtual bunch of flowers on here is going to be scant comfort over the holiday week when she's floundering in a pit of nothingness. I've been there, and the only way round it is very cliché - get out and about. You cannot suddenly magic up deep and meaningful connections at a week's notice, but you can put yourself in places where you at least have someone to talk to, and have a bit of a laugh, and see some smiling faces.

It takes a lot of time to get back on track when things have been tough. Years sometimes. Glad you’re making inroads.
Don’t beat yourself up that it’s not all perfect suddenly, life isn’t that simple.
X

Where did I say I wasn’t?

Because you know, you can volunteer for three hours in the morning and go to church and pray to a God you don’t think exists and go for a long walk surrounded by families and come home and still be lonely as fuck.

Excuse the language; it’s starting to grate a bit now!

Sympathies OP. I'm divorcing and, although things have improved somewhat, I still feel lonely.
I'm surrounded by goodwill and kindness, I have wonderful children, yet I feel a chunk of me is missing, inadequate, put together incorrectly.

I am wary of being too busy because I have a mother like that and I don't think it's very healthy. There are a lot of little emperors for whom volunteering is about controlling, manipulative people and the ego trip. It's not always the silver bullet it's mooted to be.

Are you familiar with the school of life? They're on FB/Twitter etc. It's philosophy but not heavy going. I find reading the articles quite cathartic.

Be kind to you x

It’s really hard.

I’d try and plan to get out if the house to do something at least once every day. Set an alarm, get up, shower and get dressed. It’s too easy to get very down by sitting at home with too much time to think.

Sorry you feel like this OP, have you thought about booking a holiday? Somewhere sunny? That cheers anyone up? I've often been away by myself and love it.

The enforced jollity of Christmas makes everything seem so much worse when you are lonely. I get it OP. Hope things go okay for you next week.

I am really sorry you are feeling like this.

Plan ahead for next year, book a holiday if you can afford it, you might meet others in the same position.

Being lonely is sadly becoming a b8g problem, one that I think will get a lot worse. Are you on facebook OP. We have a few local facebook groups and I noticed someone was asking if people would be interested if she set up some sort of friendship group where a group of people would say we will meet in xx at a certain time and anyone lonely could turn up and chat. Do you have anything like that

Sounds nice sweeneytodd
There are lots a few restaurants opening up Christmas day to feed homeless familys, mainly living in hotels or hubs with no cooking facilities. I wonder if theres one near you, that would suite you to help out.

One of the pubs near me is opening its doors on Christmas Day and is inviting anyone on their own to come along and share their Christmas dinner.

I'm with you snow - "go do this, go do that, why don't you try such and such...?".

I've done:

• Parkrun - loved it, never met a single person who might potentially become a friend, as soon as the running is done,, everyone is off to their families/friendship groups... no chance to strike friendships (and I can strike up a conversation with anyone!)
• Spice(?) - mostly for singles working away from home? 90% of the events I can't do as they're weekday evenings (pretty much rules out any single mum without additional help scenario )
• Made a great 'friend at the place I worked for the last 1.5 years up until early October. When it was my last day she cried she was that upset (I'd helped bolster her during divorce from a fairly abusive and unpleasant man) - since then I've tried three times to get to a meet-up with her and she turned down 2 and the third we made a half arrangement and i thought ok I'll leave the remainder to her, let's see what happens.. what happened? Absolutely nothing, haven't heard from her for two weeks...
• Every school event where every single person seems to have been raised in the locality and knows everyone else in the locality... I'm the twonk stood on my own

What makes my Xmas's even worse is the double whammy of poor DD who's got a shit dad and never knows what is / isn't on, what her stepmum will / won't allow her to be invited to, so \I can't make any plans for this Xmas (again) so can't see my own family.... Then there's the next door neighbours who spend all the days of the year, incl. Xmas, birthdays, new year.... shouting and calling their children names (like the boy age about 7 "you fucking dickhead". There's no respite from this, it's every days, 24/7, 352....

Thankfully I'm very good at the art of 'giving no fucks' where it doesn't matter albeit I'd do anything for anyone and I know not to overburden myself; I know my limits and don't take anything on that I know will be too much on top of supporting my DD and my full time and really quite demanding job.... I just try and balance it and preserve what little energy I do have... as for loneliness, yeah, for sure, but I also value not being with some fuckwit who snores / farts / doesn't clean his penis properly, that I would NOT want to be around.... it's swings and roundabouts - I'm not sure people realise that 'getting out of the house and doing x y and z' makes you feel better because it often doesn't! It can make you feel bloody worse! I wish people would understand that, but they really don't.

@shadylady53

If anything, the volunteering is only making me feel more lonely this year.

Could you elaborate. How come?

IME going out to events with other people can just make it worse as they all go home and have company and you go home alone and feel worse because you had a bit of company and now it's stopped. I find it easier not to do any social events and always be alone than I do to occasionally go and then feel worse when the event is over.

@DoinItForTheKids

Why on Earth are you letting your dds dad have that much power over your arrangements for Xmas.