To be feeling so lonely this time of year

[snowwheel]

I finish work next week and I’m dreading it a bit to be honest.

Yes brizzle.

Hear hear Doin.

I often feel shite after being busy doing stuff, surrounded by others, enjoying myself.
The loneliness is reinforced somehow. I've come to expect I'll feel that way until I don't. If that makes sense.

Yes brizzle and doin!

You get it thank you!

I have two weeks off alone with my cat. I'm so looking forward to the peace and quiet. I don't want to see anyone at xmas, I find they exhaust me.
I spend most of those two weeks in a onesie in front of the woodburner eating what I want and watching netflix plus I have loads of hobbies/crafts to finish off which are very absorbing.
But it helps being a bit of a hermit. I'm sorry you are dreading it.

What about Share a Chair? Could you invite someone elderly round for the day or would that be too much?

I'm surrounded by close family but still have a deep, lonely feeling at Christmas time, it's horrible.

Excuse me travis, she doesn't have 'power' over me, I support her in a largely abusive and self esteem destroying 'relationship' with a pathetic father and a highly unpleasant step'mum' - you know NOTHING about this and it's unfair to derail OPs thread, especially on something that you clearly have made an assumption about, and know nothing about. If I feel the need to defer to HER needs as a 16 yr old child who's essentially been abused by her father's side of the family in order to keep her bolstered and as happy and away from depression as I can, then I will. Wind your neck in.

I sure do snow, sadly, clearly, several people on here do not.

There's a big dollop of that in me too madcat!! Except my pussycat died a few years ago so I can't snuggle with her (could do so with my DDs guinea pigs though!!!). There's a balance and a choice between 'must be with someone' versus 'being with someone can be a bloody massive pain in the arse' - I'm leaning fairly heavily to the latter!!!!

Yes. No children, just DH and our dog and cats. Family are 3 hours away.

No parties to go to this year.

Brings it home really.

How is it the the remedy for loneliness is to be more alone?!!

Really @Doinitforthekids that was a bit unnecessary. There was no suggestion you DD was at fault It was asked why your ex and his wife was allowed to weld such power over yours and dds xmas.

Can understand that snowwheel as i've been single now for three years but I still do have some family here and not that far away plus DD2 has just had a baby daughter who i love seeing otherwise i might be off to somewhere warm a long way away:)

But even then it would be lovely to take a nice woman with me but finding the right one is a bit of a problem, but this loneiness seems for a lot of people to me getting the way of it, i blame the internet myself and social media;!

If the solution isn't to be out and about what do you feel it might be? More friends? A partner?

Yes. No children, just DH and our dog and cats

Are you unhappy married?

A partner I suppose - I have sadly learned friends just are impossible to pin down!

My family is so toxic I'd rather be alone than with them. All this crap about happy families at xmas is just that...crap. There are not many of those about having a fairytale xmas.
I have experienced real gut wrenching lonliness in the past but don't any more. I am comfortable with myself now.
Absolutely @doinitforthekids I couldn't agree more

The answer sweeney is that there is nothing I can do about it - believe me, if anything I'd tried in the past 9 years had worked I'd be doing it. I don't 'allow' it, it is just is what it is and that's it, me and DD make the best of it each year that comes along. Neither you nor travis have a clue of the situation and please, this thread is for OP, not my situation with my XH and his stupid bloody wife so can we support OP, about loneliness, what she posted about, not contact arrangements of a totally different person?

Hey it’s anything we want it to be

I know a woman who says she's desperately lonely despite having an exceptionally people ish job, 3 grown up children in the same town and plenty of friends. She says she can't bear the empty house. Which points to needing a partner as nothing else could fill that gap.

@DoinItForTheKids
It was a question only. I am not derailing the thread. I actually felt very sad for you, that another person had power over how you spend your Christmas. I do understand how complex relationships are. Your post went into a lot of detail, someone was going to pick up on the glaring part of it that seems so unfair on you and your daughter.

Don’t be so defensive. Don’t always assume people are being aresholes.

Exactly

Doin if you go in to the level of detail you went in to on your post, I don’t think think you can be too surprised when people are interested / have queetions.

I have today I too was intrigued by your situation with your ex/dd father

Clearly not much of an understanding on this thread of people who have toxic family situations.... it's a good reason to keep away - for one's self preservation and mental stability. I do agree madcat, sad as it may be, becoming at one with yourself and your own company is a necessity I feel and it's not just these days, it's always been this way just that we're all supposed to have this 'perfect' xmas lined up (which of course is a crock). People ask at work "What are you doing for Xmas?" - Christ, how long have you got?! It can be complicated, difficult and potentially abusive and damaging for people at Xmas and I'm like Kofi Anan half the time, trying to get detante going. I'll do whatever it takes to support my DD to get to see her dad (he certainly doesn't) - that's the best I can do and I'm sorry if that's too broad and complicated for some people's narrow view of what family relationships are like because there's a whole load out there that are really dysfunctional and not to be run after, unless you want to ruin yourself.

Sometimes I think we are better off having lots of acquaintances rather than a few good friends. People we can spend an hour or two with but not necessarily go away with or entrust with our feelings ect. That way we can usually find someone to spend a small amount of time with rather than someone to spend the whole day with and at least it breaks up the loneliness and monotony

And op. We can spend years without partners. And it’s not easy to find someone you love and want to be with.
But sometimes if life is manageable then that’s ok. We are all trying the best we can.

I'm just thinking ahead really. I don't enjoy being partnered up and my kids will leave home in the next couple of years. I always crave alone time and peace and quiet but have never lived alone.