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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so pissed off with DH's work?

126 replies

JammyGem · 14/12/2018 15:27

This is really outing but I don't care too much- maybe if his boss/colleagues or their partners see and recognise this they'll realise how dickish they're being.

DD was born 2 weeks ago, and it was a pretty difficult birth. She was in special care for a few days which was obviously a big worry but thankfully she is all ok now. DH let his boss know when I was in labour so he could start his 2 weeks paternity leave.

Then, when DD was only 4 days old, MIL had a heart attack and was rushed to hospital. She lives abroad so DH was not able to be there with her. His brother stayed with her at the hospital and was regularly updating DH, but he was understandably beside himself with worry as he's very very close to his DM and felt guilty for not being able to be with her. It was touch and go but she is now back at the care home.
The same day as the heart attack, DH's boss started chasing him about his return to work date (bearing in mind this is only 4 days in) - DH let him know about his DM and they agreed he'd return in this coming Monday.

Unfortunately, DH has been ill the last few days. He thought it might just be a stomach bug, but was getting worse so went to the doctor yesterday, who has given a provisional diagnosis of severe gastroenteritis and has referred him to the hospital. She has signed him off until after Christmas but he plans to go back as soon as he's well as it's their busiest period at work. He let his boss know straight away and explained about the sick note but that he'd be back in as soon as he'd gone 48 hours without symptoms (he works with food) which he hoped to be next week, so hopefully only a few days later than planned.

His boss is really pissed off and told him that he needs him at work. DH then got a text from one of the other managers (same level as DH) saying that gastroentiritus only lasts a week and "thanks for fucking up my Christmas". DH explained that he'd already offered to be back as soon as it's safe for him to, but his colleague just reiterated that
he thought he was lying.

I'm just so angry they've reacted like this. DH is utterly miserable, it's been one thing after another and he's still worried about his DM. He feels guilty as he's not able to help a lot with DD as he doesn't want to make her ill, and I've never seen him so down and sick. His boss knew for 8 months that DH would be taking paternity leave in December, but refused to take on agency staff or to prep in advance like DH had suggested.

DH (and I) understand that it's annoying, but he's really sick and it can't be helped. Surely they'd not prefer him to go in and pass it on to the other staff and customers?! His boss and the other manager were obviously bitching about him in the kitchen as another colleague sent DH a message saying to ignore them and their texts, as he had something similar a couple weeks ago and knows how bad it is.

If DH does go back before Christmas, they've made it clear he will be doing the full days for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day as a punishment. We knew he'd have to work then but was hoping for one shift off on those 3 days so we could celebrate DD's first Christmas. Double shifts for all 3 is just shit.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel so angry for him - he's had enough stress and worry without them adding the pressure on, and he's annoyed that his boss is obviously mouthing off about his illness. AIBU t o be absolutely fuming, or are they right to be acting like this? I'm so tired and emotional I honestly feel like I'm missing something.

OP posts:

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 14/12/2018 15:30

He's signed off until after Christmas by a medically trained professional. I think he should stick to the doctor's advice 😉

hidinginthenightgarden · 14/12/2018 15:31

If they are going to punish him for being sick then he may as well be sick a bit longer! Assholes.
DH's work are a bit like this. We had a hard time adopting our youngest. It was very stressful as there were moments of doubt that she would be staying.
DH took 2 weeks off with stress and they told him of it happened again they would have to "let him go".

Auntiepatricia · 14/12/2018 15:31

They are utter wankers, pure and simple.

SoyDora · 14/12/2018 15:32

Yes they’re being dicks. When DH was on paternity leave after DD2 was born I was taken into hospital for a few days with an infection, so his manager gave him an extra week off ‘compassionate leave’, because he was decent and compassionate.

SoyDora · 14/12/2018 15:32

He definitely shouldn’t go back before Christmas.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 14/12/2018 15:33

Of course they're not right. Arseholes!

and congratulations on the new baby.

PoppySeedBun18 · 14/12/2018 15:35

This is bullying pure and simple. How big is the company? Any higher managers or HR? Sorry to hear about it all op. Hope you all get better soon x

marvellousnightforamooncup · 14/12/2018 15:35

I've had dickish bosses like this before. It just makes you want to skive as much as you can because they'll always be miserly with leave and stupid rules. With good bosses you go the extra mile when you're appreciated.

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 14/12/2018 15:35

It's unfortunate your DH needs the money but in situations like that I have walked out of jobs. Incidentally it has either been the start or the middle of a mass walk out of staff.

Anyway if your husband has a sick note from the doctor then he is not to go back until he is completely well as per the doctor's advice. If this is after the Christmas period so be it. The managers and your husband can be prosecuted if they make any of their customers ill due to your husband's known illness.

bunintheoven88 · 14/12/2018 15:36

Firstly congratulations on your new arrival

Secondly I really think he needs to look for a new job.
I understand Christmas is a difficult time for hospitality staff, ( I'm surmising this is the area your partner works in?) I worked in the industry for ten years, however their utter disregard for everything that has happened over the last couple of weeks, and the strain you and your husband are under, is completely disgusting. He shouldn't be made to feel worse than he already does.
They sound very selfish to say the least, and I highly doubt if either of them were in your husbands shoes they would do anything differently.
Your husband is sick, so it's tough shit on them.
Try and not get worked up and enjoy your first Christmas together

Tartyflette · 14/12/2018 15:37

Could he raise a grievance with senior management (if the company is big enough) ?
The lack of understanding and compassion among his bosses is appalling. None of it is his fault! And his boss/manager sounds even more of an utter arsehole for not arranging cover for this when he had plenty of time to do so.

I presume he's not in a union.

BobLemon · 14/12/2018 15:43

Guessing he’s a chef? Stay off as long as his sick note allows, and look for a new job...

JessicaJonesJacket · 14/12/2018 15:48

Congratulations!
Your DH has a sick note. He has to ignore the emotional blackmail from his work and stay home. He can go back when he is well.
His work should have a process in place to ensure cover when someone is ill.

DannyWallace · 14/12/2018 15:48

Absolute dickheads!!
Your DH should stay off as long as the doctor has recommended! If not just for his physical health then for his mental health too!
I'd also be complaining to HR as his work are being completely unreasonable!!

7yo7yo · 14/12/2018 15:49

I wouldn’t go back before Christmas.

Rosielily · 14/12/2018 15:49

Is this a large company he is working for with line managers, HR etc?
You say your husband works with food - with the nature of his illness surely the company are breaching health and safety guidelines by insisting he return to work?!!
Good luck, and enjoy your first Christmas with your baby!

Jackshouse · 14/12/2018 15:51

Well they are not going much to encourage him to come back before his sick note ends. I would not be going back before his sick note ends.

Unicornandbows · 14/12/2018 15:51

Id get him to raise a grievances

Wannabeyorkshirelass · 14/12/2018 15:52

He should get signed off for a few weeks. For his mental health. I'm serious - he's going to make himself properly ill if he goes back after all that.

DarlingNikita · 14/12/2018 15:52

when DD was only 4 days old... DH's boss started chasing him about his return to work date Isn't that illegal?

DH then got a text from one of the other managers… saying that gastroentiritus only lasts a week and "thanks for fucking up my Christmas"… his colleague just reiterated that he thought he was lying. Bullying and slander.

they've made it clear he will be doing the full days for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day as a punishment Outrageous.

I think he's got a good case if they fancy chancing their arm in a tribunal. Although I'd go to highest management and/or HR first if it's that kind of company. Cunts.

RivanQueen · 14/12/2018 15:53

Congratulations on your new baby!

If mine or my DP's work were like this given everything your DH is going through we would be spending our down time off work looking for another job. His employer is being totally shit, they should have gotten someone in to cover him for his paternity leave at the very least, not doing so it just poor management. Given that he works with food you would expect that while they might be put out by him being off over a busy period they wouldn't want him coming into work and potentially spreading his illness to other staff and customers?

Your DH should take as much time as he needs and that the Dr has given him to get better so he can be healthy to go to job interviews. I expect that the company has no loyalty to it's employees and takes the stance that everyone is replaceable? If your DH dropped dead tomorrow they'd probably tell you he was inconsiderate for dying and then have his position filled within a week. Assholes.

SundayGirl86 · 14/12/2018 15:59

I might be wrong but I thought I’d someone had been signed off as not fit to work then they couldn’t go back during that time due to H&S, insurance etc.
Plus, I definitely wouldn’t want anyone as poorly as your DH making food for me...
He should take the time needed to get better. It’s part of his boss’ responsibilities to manage situations like this.

CantWaitToRetire · 14/12/2018 16:01

If the GP has signed your DH off until after Christmas then given the nature of his work he may want to get the GPs approval that it's ok to return to work earlier if he feels well enough. If there should be an outbreak of illness at the workplace (either colleagues or customers) then no doubt this dickhead manager will deny any accountability and try to pin the blame on your DH for returning to work too early.

I'd also keep hold of any texts such as the one from the colleague, should he need to use it to show how he was bullied to return.

WitchDancer · 14/12/2018 16:04

If you return to work whilst signed off sick, it invalidates the employer insurance. He must not go back early unless the doctor signs him fit to work.

Given their treatment of him I wouldn't think he'll be keen to break his neck to go back early 🤔

WhyAmISoCold · 14/12/2018 16:05

I'd be taking every second of that sick leave. What a bunch of dicks they are. They cannot treat employees like that and think it's acceptable. Especially the shifts over Christmas.

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