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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so pissed off with DH's work?

126 replies

JammyGem · 14/12/2018 15:27

This is really outing but I don't care too much- maybe if his boss/colleagues or their partners see and recognise this they'll realise how dickish they're being.

DD was born 2 weeks ago, and it was a pretty difficult birth. She was in special care for a few days which was obviously a big worry but thankfully she is all ok now. DH let his boss know when I was in labour so he could start his 2 weeks paternity leave.

Then, when DD was only 4 days old, MIL had a heart attack and was rushed to hospital. She lives abroad so DH was not able to be there with her. His brother stayed with her at the hospital and was regularly updating DH, but he was understandably beside himself with worry as he's very very close to his DM and felt guilty for not being able to be with her. It was touch and go but she is now back at the care home.
The same day as the heart attack, DH's boss started chasing him about his return to work date (bearing in mind this is only 4 days in) - DH let him know about his DM and they agreed he'd return in this coming Monday.

Unfortunately, DH has been ill the last few days. He thought it might just be a stomach bug, but was getting worse so went to the doctor yesterday, who has given a provisional diagnosis of severe gastroenteritis and has referred him to the hospital. She has signed him off until after Christmas but he plans to go back as soon as he's well as it's their busiest period at work. He let his boss know straight away and explained about the sick note but that he'd be back in as soon as he'd gone 48 hours without symptoms (he works with food) which he hoped to be next week, so hopefully only a few days later than planned.

His boss is really pissed off and told him that he needs him at work. DH then got a text from one of the other managers (same level as DH) saying that gastroentiritus only lasts a week and "thanks for fucking up my Christmas". DH explained that he'd already offered to be back as soon as it's safe for him to, but his colleague just reiterated that
he thought he was lying.

I'm just so angry they've reacted like this. DH is utterly miserable, it's been one thing after another and he's still worried about his DM. He feels guilty as he's not able to help a lot with DD as he doesn't want to make her ill, and I've never seen him so down and sick. His boss knew for 8 months that DH would be taking paternity leave in December, but refused to take on agency staff or to prep in advance like DH had suggested.

DH (and I) understand that it's annoying, but he's really sick and it can't be helped. Surely they'd not prefer him to go in and pass it on to the other staff and customers?! His boss and the other manager were obviously bitching about him in the kitchen as another colleague sent DH a message saying to ignore them and their texts, as he had something similar a couple weeks ago and knows how bad it is.

If DH does go back before Christmas, they've made it clear he will be doing the full days for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day as a punishment. We knew he'd have to work then but was hoping for one shift off on those 3 days so we could celebrate DD's first Christmas. Double shifts for all 3 is just shit.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel so angry for him - he's had enough stress and worry without them adding the pressure on, and he's annoyed that his boss is obviously mouthing off about his illness. AIBU t o be absolutely fuming, or are they right to be acting like this? I'm so tired and emotional I honestly feel like I'm missing something.

OP posts:
feral · 18/12/2018 16:13

Your poor DH.

And I really hope he doesn't work at the pub I'm having chris lunch at as I don't want his germs.

How irresponsible his boss is!

Avrannakern · 18/12/2018 16:20

If he's not willing to help himself then there's not a lot anyone can do.

You say they're breaking the law, they are bullying, they are sharing person information about an employee with other employees and they are harassing him whilst on paternity leave.

It's a bit company? Then he has steps to address all of that. But if he won't do it then you just need to get used to it.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 18/12/2018 16:26

I'd take these pricks to a tribunal for making him feel he had no option but to leave. And I'd spill absolutely everything I knew too. Really dump them in the shit.

TokyoSushi · 18/12/2018 16:29

Gosh, this is so typical of this industry, DH was a chef for 20 years, it's exactly how it works, and it's a disgrace.

DarlingNikita · 18/12/2018 16:33

He's being a doormat. I hope his GP has refused to amend the note? God help him if he makes people ill because he's still harbouring the bug.

AngelsOnTheMoon · 18/12/2018 16:41

He's been seriously poorly, and plans on handling food for the public before his sick note says he should.
It's not only being a doormat, but it's dangerous.
How would he feel if a child or elderly person got sick (or anyone for that matter!) because he'd passed germs on while preparing their food?

If he goes back early he's just as complicit as his bosses.

ShalomJackie · 18/12/2018 17:13

Please name and shame so we can avoid said outlet! We don't want to be infected

Oneofthosedreadfulparents · 18/12/2018 17:15

I've just had to update my food hygiene certificate, and one of the things it's really clear about, is that anyone who works with food has a legal responsibility to do so safely and not put customers at risk. I know he's feeling under pressure, and I'm sure the last thing he wants to do at such a tricky time is jeopardise his job, but the law regarding food prep is behind him on this one.

Don't know if this helps / is allowed but this is the course I took and his legal responsibilities are really well summed up: www.thesaferfoodgroup.com/level-2-award-in-food-safety.php

JamPasty · 18/12/2018 18:03

I feel for your DH, but he's putting innocent people at risk if he goes back to work. That's a bit spineless of him

pantyclaws · 18/12/2018 20:20

Well I hope your DH doesn't make anyone ill for Christmas. I know he feels the pressure from his dick of a boss but potentially making other people ill is selfish at best and life threatening at worst. He's presumably a healthy bloke and ended up at hospital FGS, what might it do to someone who is weaker?

Ariela · 18/12/2018 20:38

I think your DH is a fool for agreeing to go back without an all clear from the GP.....if anything happens and he passes the illness on to customers it will reflect badly on him. He DOES need a fit to work note from the GP.

I suggest your DH contacts HR cc his boss and asks for a copy of the sickness policy etc as mentioned above.

MrsBosh · 18/12/2018 20:43

I was feeling sorry for your DH until he agreed to return when still ill and signed off. Tbh I think that's quite selfish. I'd also be pissed off that despite good advice, he isn't willing to stand up for himself in this. They will walk all over him again.

strawberrypenguin · 18/12/2018 20:49

Your DH is being massively irresponsible. He is still ill with an illness he can pass on and he works with food. He's going to make a whole load of other people sick in time for Christmas, how lovely of him.
Why did he bother going to the GP if he was going to completely ignore his sick note anyway.

WhyAmISoCold · 18/12/2018 20:50

Your DH is very very selfish. I'd be absolutely furious if I got ill and discovered it was because someone who prepared my food was ill and shouldn't have been working.

holidayhope · 18/12/2018 20:52

Is it a big chain? I'd be tempted to slip the story to a journalist

ListenLinda · 18/12/2018 21:06

Can you give us an idea of the chain?

I’d like to avoid it over this period please, because if I became ill through food after eating there, i’d be all over to environmental health like a shot. I’m also pregnant so puts me in the vulnerable category. What about poor elderly people?

Very irresponsible of your DH. I know he feels backed in to a corner but he really bloody should know better.

Sorka · 18/12/2018 21:06

I hope I don’t end up eating wherever your husband is working. He’s going to give hundreds of people gastroenteritis for Christmas, in order to appease bullies. Xmas Sad

halfwitpicker · 18/12/2018 21:10

First poster had it.

Original poster
JammyGem · 18/12/2018 21:27

I completely agree with all of you. I've told him he shouldn't be going back, but he spoke to the GP this afternoon and apparently she's agreed he can return tomorrow. I'm assuming he's told her the same he's told me, that he's been feeling much better since yesterday even if he doesn't look it

I don't want to get him in trouble so won't name the place. I can say it's a 5 star hotel though.

I pointed out he's being really selfish if there's a chance he could pass it on to customers, but he'll be wearing gloves, so that's alright then Hmm

OP posts:
Engorged · 18/12/2018 21:44

Hes selfish to you too OP. If he has been really poorly, he'll be shattered at best- poorly again at worst- when he gets home. So basically will leave it all to you, including the kids.

Db used to be like this and be useless with the kids or round the house. He was treated as a doormat at work, the managers and other staff had zero respect. Passed over for many promotions. And made redundant as one of the first wave.

Lexilooo · 18/12/2018 21:55

He's a chef jobs are not hard to come by. Tell him to stay off until his sicknote expires and spend the time looking for other jobs and registering with agencies.

A chef in my family walked out of his job a week before Christmas because of abusive behaviour from his manager. He had alternate work arranged the next day and started within the week. More money, more independence less hours. He has never been out of work for more than 48hrs.

He should put in a formal complaint and see if it gets sorted rather than walking out until he has a new roll given you are on maternity leave. I am sure he can find something quickly

CommanderDaisy · 18/12/2018 22:03

Basically he's working with food, with a vomiting and diarrhoea bug. This is irresponsible, illegal under Food safety laws and grossly stupid on behalf of his employers.
He is probably going to spread the damn thing to most of the other staff and the clientele.
I have spent years teaching and working in hospitality and this is the last kind of illness you want in a food workspace regardless of a need you may have for staff. I have and would again sent people home, and I have fired another for repeatedly appearing at work ill with contagious diseases after several warnings -its unfortunate that they needed money so thought they should solider on - but the food industry means you don;t get to work while you are puking, sneezing, running snot, coughing or have diarrhoea.Jesus, you'd think that would be self evident.

He is being an idiot as is his boss. He needs to get another doctors letter emphasising the contagious nature of this disorder if necessary, and stop being spineless. A refusal would show he is taking his responsibility at work seriously. His boss is an idiot, and so is your DH.
And as to the other staff member - don't work in hospitality if you don't expect to work holidays - it's the nature of the industry.
I hope he pukes all over the kitchen just to prove his point.

This is one post that I hope is picked up by the Daily mail - and name the damn chain so people can avoid it.

HauntedPencil · 18/12/2018 22:08

I would stay off for the length of his sick note and go back after. Looking for a new job as they sound like arseholes.

holidayhope · 18/12/2018 22:08

Well that 5 star hotel can expect a lot of awful press and trip advisor reviews

I'd be fuming even more so at Xmas if I spent money on a nice stay and got sick

Booksandwine80 · 23/12/2018 13:16

If I was him I would stay off until the sick note runs out.

He would need to return to the doctor who issues it anyway to be signed as fit for work. You can’t just go back when you want as you’re signed off for a reason.

Congratulations on the baby and try and enjoy Christmas Xmas Smile

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