Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so pissed off with DH's work?

126 replies

JammyGem · 14/12/2018 15:27

This is really outing but I don't care too much- maybe if his boss/colleagues or their partners see and recognise this they'll realise how dickish they're being.

DD was born 2 weeks ago, and it was a pretty difficult birth. She was in special care for a few days which was obviously a big worry but thankfully she is all ok now. DH let his boss know when I was in labour so he could start his 2 weeks paternity leave.

Then, when DD was only 4 days old, MIL had a heart attack and was rushed to hospital. She lives abroad so DH was not able to be there with her. His brother stayed with her at the hospital and was regularly updating DH, but he was understandably beside himself with worry as he's very very close to his DM and felt guilty for not being able to be with her. It was touch and go but she is now back at the care home.
The same day as the heart attack, DH's boss started chasing him about his return to work date (bearing in mind this is only 4 days in) - DH let him know about his DM and they agreed he'd return in this coming Monday.

Unfortunately, DH has been ill the last few days. He thought it might just be a stomach bug, but was getting worse so went to the doctor yesterday, who has given a provisional diagnosis of severe gastroenteritis and has referred him to the hospital. She has signed him off until after Christmas but he plans to go back as soon as he's well as it's their busiest period at work. He let his boss know straight away and explained about the sick note but that he'd be back in as soon as he'd gone 48 hours without symptoms (he works with food) which he hoped to be next week, so hopefully only a few days later than planned.

His boss is really pissed off and told him that he needs him at work. DH then got a text from one of the other managers (same level as DH) saying that gastroentiritus only lasts a week and "thanks for fucking up my Christmas". DH explained that he'd already offered to be back as soon as it's safe for him to, but his colleague just reiterated that
he thought he was lying.

I'm just so angry they've reacted like this. DH is utterly miserable, it's been one thing after another and he's still worried about his DM. He feels guilty as he's not able to help a lot with DD as he doesn't want to make her ill, and I've never seen him so down and sick. His boss knew for 8 months that DH would be taking paternity leave in December, but refused to take on agency staff or to prep in advance like DH had suggested.

DH (and I) understand that it's annoying, but he's really sick and it can't be helped. Surely they'd not prefer him to go in and pass it on to the other staff and customers?! His boss and the other manager were obviously bitching about him in the kitchen as another colleague sent DH a message saying to ignore them and their texts, as he had something similar a couple weeks ago and knows how bad it is.

If DH does go back before Christmas, they've made it clear he will be doing the full days for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day as a punishment. We knew he'd have to work then but was hoping for one shift off on those 3 days so we could celebrate DD's first Christmas. Double shifts for all 3 is just shit.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel so angry for him - he's had enough stress and worry without them adding the pressure on, and he's annoyed that his boss is obviously mouthing off about his illness. AIBU t o be absolutely fuming, or are they right to be acting like this? I'm so tired and emotional I honestly feel like I'm missing something.

OP posts:
MaverickSnoopy · 14/12/2018 16:07

They sound like total wankers. Some cases of gastroenteritis do last for longer than a week and it sounds like this is what the dr thinks will happen. He shouldn't go against the doctors advice. There's really no incentive here for him to help them out. To be honest you've both been through a pretty traumatic time (I say that as someone whose newborn was recently admitted to hospital at 4do for a week very unwell). Anything "extra" after the birth of a baby is difficult. Your DH doesn't need punishing. He needs compassion and I would suggest he needs to protect his mental health here. Perhaps he can use the time off to find another job.

May also be worth taking this post down in case it ends up being published.

I hope you enjoy your babies first Christmas.

katseyes7 · 14/12/2018 16:07

My ex husband had a bad accident at work which resulted in gangrene, and subsequent skin grafts. He also had PTSD following the accident. The accident was partly caused by him being a trainee, and working unsupervised on machinery which he wasn't technically qualified to use.
During his months of rehabilitation, therapy and physio, his boss rang up and basically told him to "stop pissing about and get back to work". l was furious. We went to see our GP who was amazing. He wrote a letter to the boss (which l opened, and typed a new envelope) which said something along the lines of " l understand from Mr K that you are a print manager by profession. With the greatest respect, ln my professional opinion, this does not qualify you to comment on Mr K's treatment or capability to return to work. l would very much appreciate it if you would trust both myself and his consultant Mr X to advise as and when Mr K will be fit enough to return to work."
l sent it in the post, recorded delivery. We never heard another peep out him.
Your husband should not be going out of the house with "severe gastroenteritis.". And his idiot boss need to realise that if he goes to work with it, his Christmas will be even more fucked up if the rest of the staff end up with it.

DeepanKrispanEven · 14/12/2018 16:09

With that attitude from his manager, I'd suggest he doesn't go back a day before the doctor has said he should. Also that he should start jobhunting. In our area, restaurants are absolutely desperate for kitchen staff, so I hope it won't be too difficult to find an alternative.

WatchThisThread · 14/12/2018 16:09

Congratulations on your new baby OP Flowers

So sorry to hear about MIL and I hope she continues to recover.

Also sorry to hear that DH is unwell and I hope he too recovers well by the time his doctor is prepared to allow him back to work.

DH's employer appears to guilty of workplace harassment, and I advise that once he is well enough, rather than returning to work before his doctor advises, he contacts a legal helpline. Check your home insurance policy, many offer this as part of their insurance. There's also the CAB and many solicitors offer a free 30 minute initial consultation. A strongly worded cease and desist letter prior to his return seems in order to me, and, while he's recovering I'd suggest he gets his CV straight so that he can claim constructive dismissal and find himself a new job where he will be appropriately treated. Good luck OP. Merry Christmas.

Submariner · 14/12/2018 16:11

He has a sick note. He's got a contagious illness and has had several stressful triggers which put him at risk of poor mental health. The best thing for him is to use his full sick note and not feel guilty about it. He should stop promising to come back early too as it makes it sound like he should be back already. The doctor is the one with the medical qualifications and he's said after Christmas. End of!

YY to telling him to look for a new job.

blackteasplease · 14/12/2018 16:11

He should stay off for the period he's signed off for. And they can't punish him for being sick / on paternity leave!

BewareOfDragons · 14/12/2018 16:12

I would have him start looking for a new job.

Take all the time off the sick note provided for.

Complain to HR that his conversations about his illness have clearly been shared by his boss with other employees. That is surely a breach of private medical information. Not to mention that he may well have caught the gastroenteritis from the co-worker who said he'd had it a couple of weeks prior himself!

Complain about the bullying as well. He is entitled to paternity leave and gave plenty of notice; the boss failed to plan.

He is of course worried about his MIL who has had a heart attack; these things can't be helped.

And he is signed off for a legitimate illness, again, can't be helped. Plus if the boss had brought in the help for the paternity cover in the first place, there would have been help potentially to stay on until he was well.

Dicks.

Sewrainbow · 14/12/2018 16:15

He has no choice but to stay off work, both due to the nature of his work and the illness and that the doctor has signed him off. I also thought you weren't covered by insurance if you want back before it was up.

Dh should ignore work calls until the note runs out.

Soubriquet · 14/12/2018 16:18

My dh used to work in a food factory for a well known supermarket

If anyone had vomiting or diarrhoea, they were still expected to turn up to work otherwise you got bitched at AND a disciplinary

Yet if you were caught at work vomiting or having diarrhoea, you was sacked on the spot Confused

Awful place

Dh is with a new factory now and he had a tummy bug last week but because of an outbreak of norovirus, he has to be clean for an entire week. Much better

OliviaStabler · 14/12/2018 16:21

He needs to stay off work. He (and you) have been through enough you don't want to make things worse by going back to a workplace where there is a toxic atmosphere and he'll be targeted for things he had no control over.

Hopefully if he is a chef then he can easily get another job.

Hersetta427 · 14/12/2018 16:24

I was hospitalised with Pneumonia a couple of years ago and after i had (mostly) recovered i asked if I could go back to work the day before my sick note expired but i was told by HR that I couldn't as they wouldn't have been covered by insurance so they told me to stay off so therefore he should not return until his sick note expires.

Vampiratequeen · 14/12/2018 16:25

He is signed off by a doctor until after Christmas, so keep him off until after Christmas, he can do the double shifts at new year instead. Twats.

StarShapedWindow · 14/12/2018 16:28

Look for a new job and don’t go back until after Christmas. They sound like pigs!

Greywind1523 · 14/12/2018 16:30

Congratulations on your new arrival Flowers

He won’t be covered by the employer’s insurance if he goes back before his sick note expires so he needs to stay off until then. If he works with food it would be silly to risk going back before.

If I were him and felt better before the sick note expired I’d be using the time to look for another job.

ADastardlyThing · 14/12/2018 16:32

It is perfectly fine to return to work once someone feels able even if that's before a fit note expires.

That being said, in this case he should stay off and look for another job imo.

Kemer2018 · 14/12/2018 16:33

He should stay off for the duration of the note.
Especially if the company uses the 3 incidences of sickness policy.
He may as well let this run so it only counts as one incidence.

Jaxhog · 14/12/2018 16:33

He's signed off until after Christmas by a medically trained professional. I think he should stick to the doctor's advice

This, and if he works with food, I'm amazed that they want him back early if he has severe gastroenteritis!!

Oliversmumsarmy · 14/12/2018 16:36

I don’t know why staff are looking at him thinking he is the one to blame.

Surely the boss should have got an agency person in to cover.

If the business is so tight that it can’t afford agency cover then I think they all should be looking for new jobs as it sounds like the business is obviously on its last legs.

What would really finish the business off would be someone with gastrointestinitis coming to cook Christmas Lunch and giving a lot of people a bad stomach bug which could kill someone.

Utter bellends the lot of them.

Stay off work till after Christmas as the doctors note says.

tryinganewname · 14/12/2018 16:37

Please, please, please ensure he doesn't go back before the sick note expires - let them suffer. They're really not worth it.

It's so sad that people have to endure working for employers like this and that they are still out there's

Jent13c · 14/12/2018 16:39

Having been at a boxing day lunch in a hotel where 6/8 of the party got norovirus from the food I urge that he stays at home and keeps his gastroenteritis to himself. If anyone raises a complaint against his company they wong have a leg to stand on, especially as they have been stupid enough to be texting him and he has provided physical sick note. Keep your evidence.

ReanimatedSGB · 14/12/2018 16:40

If he's got the shits and his job involves working with food, his boss is opening the company up to all sorts of potential lawsuits if he insists on your H going back early. Tell your H to point that out to them.

TokyoSushi · 14/12/2018 16:42

Is he a chef? DH was a chef for 20 years, absolutely typical of that industry, no compassion, no regulation and due to the ridiculously tight staffing levels one off sick does cock up the whole system.

Not your DH's fault though, I'd stay off until after Christmas if I were him, there are absolutely loads of jobs about so he could get another within a day I'd expect!

Congratulations on your new arrival Thanks

AutumnLeaves12 · 14/12/2018 16:46

I think you should report them to the food hygiene inspectors. They'd get shut down before Christmas and that might give them pause for thought.

I'd really not like to go to a place like that as a customer. It sounds positively dangerous.

EtVoilaBrexit · 14/12/2018 16:50

He can’t go back before Christmas if he has handed a sick note say8ng he is off until after Christmas.
The only way he could do that is by having another note saying he is fit to work.

I dint think I could be bothered to get one

dreamingofsun · 14/12/2018 16:50

you poor thing, but congratulations on the baby. when my mother was dying...which took nearly a week, the blue chip company i work for were great. The high street retailer my brother worked for, however, were an absolute nightmare and were not letting him have time off. it absolutely amazed me that they could be so bad and insensitive.

sorry cant really help....just to say i think many people would expect better treatment in this day and age and it wasnt christmas either, so no excuse really

Swipe left for the next trending thread