DP doesnt want to spend Christmas with me

137 replies

user1471477692 · 14/12/2018 04:34

I’ve been with DP 7yrs. Not married, no DC. He spent first 4 christmases with his parents. Last 2 with me. This year his DM insists he spends Christmas at the family home and he thinks it’s the right thing to do. I suggested, Christmas Day with me, then Boxing Day and 27th at his parents. He and his DM have suggested Christmas Day and Boxing Day at his parents is more appropriate since we are not married and child free. We have lived together 6 yrs and are both 35. I can’t help but feel slightly abandoned. AIBU?

OP posts:

JudasPrudy · 14/12/2018 16:37

So he expects you to spend Christmas alone. What a fucking turd.

peachgreen · 14/12/2018 16:51

To be honest if it was more important to my partner to spend Christmas with his family than with me I'd probably conclude the relationship wasn't up to much. And I say that as someone who, previous to meeting DH, would have prioritised spending it with my family over previous partners. But no way would I spend Christmas without DH - he's my favourite person, why would I want to?

WhiteDust · 14/12/2018 16:56

Well he's a thoughtless so and so isn't he?
Would you go with him to his parent's house? If so, ask him if you're invited. If not, ask him why not.
I'd be pissed off OP. You're a couple and are as important as his family.
You should plan together. By that, I don't mean you have to DO everything together just that plans should suit you both and make you both happy.

ReanimatedSGB · 14/12/2018 17:20

I wonder if, given that you are 'unconventional', you have given your DP or his family the impression that you are simply not bothered about Christmas, or you actively dislike celebrating it. (Of course, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to make a big deal of Christmas, but people who moan and whine and criticize about how wasteful and pointless it all is are people who are... not the most popular guests at the houses of those who do enjoy Christmas traditions.)
What do you actually want, OP? For him to make it obvious that you are more important than his parents? For the two of you to be alone together specifically at Christmas? Or for his parents to acknowledge that the two of you are officially a couple?

2rebecca · 14/12/2018 17:38

I find it odd that he views his parents' house as "the family home" rather than the house he shares with you. If you lived separately I could understand it but it seems very child like.
If my son had been living with a woman for 7 years I would invite them both and ask where she was if she wasn't there (although accepting she is free to do her own thing). It seems to imply he has a very semidetached view of your relationship. People complain at posters leaving older relatives alone for Christmas, even older relatives who have a spouse. Leaving your live in partner alone seems more odd.

Hiphopopotamous · 14/12/2018 17:41

I can't believe he left you to spend Christmas alone!
I've been with DH 7-8 years and couldn't imagine leaving him on his own to spend Christmas with my parents

pinkdelight · 14/12/2018 18:11

Just go to his parents then. Seems obvious. He shouldn't have to choose.

seven201 · 14/12/2018 19:40

Just go to his parents.

Ginger1982 · 14/12/2018 21:04

If he doesn't want to spend Christmas with you, why are you even together? 🙄

MortyVicar · 14/12/2018 22:30

There's a lot of 'just go to his parents' and Clearly OP could spend Christmas with her "in laws" she's just deciding not to and making a big deal if her OWN decision

Nowhere has the OP said that she could spend Christmas with the in laws, and while she hasn't spelled it out I get the sense that if she tried she'd find she was very much not welcome.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/12/2018 09:33

If you've neither been invited nor "not invited" then why in fuck does your DP not say "you can come too of course"?

If there isn't a problem with you going, you should go - you not going without an explicit invitation could be seen as a bit off in itself - but this is really down to your DP. HE should have sorted it, he should have said to his parents "OK, but User will be coming too as she is my partner and would otherwise be on her own".

THIS is the bit I don't understand - why has he not done that? If it truly is because he doesn't want to spend Christmas with you then I'm inclining towards the position that you should reconsider whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him!

ElsieCat · 15/12/2018 10:39

Totally agree Thumb but the OPs posts are frustratingly devoid of any info that helps clarify things.

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