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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP doesnt want to spend Christmas with me

137 replies

user1471477692 · 14/12/2018 04:34

I’ve been with DP 7yrs. Not married, no DC. He spent first 4 christmases with his parents. Last 2 with me. This year his DM insists he spends Christmas at the family home and he thinks it’s the right thing to do. I suggested, Christmas Day with me, then Boxing Day and 27th at his parents. He and his DM have suggested Christmas Day and Boxing Day at his parents is more appropriate since we are not married and child free. We have lived together 6 yrs and are both 35. I can’t help but feel slightly abandoned. AIBU?

OP posts:
CaptainsYuleLog · 14/12/2018 06:44

By single I meant unmarried but living together. Posted too soon.

TidyDancer · 14/12/2018 06:48

Spending Christmas apart wouldn't be a problem if you'd both agreed to it but clearly that isn't the case here. Is there a reason you don't alternate between the two families so you can spend the day together?

WWYDhelpplease · 14/12/2018 06:48

That’s a bit shit. Are you not invited to his parents😯?

pinkdelight · 14/12/2018 06:49

I'd agree with your dp that (barring any big family issues) it's the right thing to do to spend Christmas Day with the wider family rather than just the two of you, which presumably is how you spend the rest of the year. What I don't understand is why you don't both go there together? Why is it one or the other?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 14/12/2018 06:59

If you are not invited then that’s a bit shit.

But one gets the feeling there is a bit more to this.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/12/2018 07:00

I was with my first boyfriend/partner/fiancé for 11 years. Not once did I spend any of Christmas at his mother's - she didn't want me there and didn't like me.
Worked for me in that I could spend Christmas Day with my own family, then DP would come over in the evening, then we'd go to his Dad's on Boxing Day and finally my grandparents' on Boxing Day evening.

But no - at no point was I ever invited to his mother's, not even after we were engaged.

Pretty glad I ended up not marrying that one, all in all.

SnuggyBuggy · 14/12/2018 07:03

I'm with Alfie. If you want marriage and kids you need to re-think things

starryeyed19 · 14/12/2018 07:05

Echoing the other posters here but were you not invited?

ElsieCat · 14/12/2018 07:12

GBP I understood her post perfectly well the first time. What bit did you think i wasn’t grasping?

Userplusnumbers · 14/12/2018 07:15

A few thoughts - this seems to be rather late discussing it, and while you've just bought your first house together, it's a bit strange to just assume you'd spend Christmas together there when you've spent the last 6 visiting family - DP isn't a mind reader.

It's not clear if you're invited - you say you've spent the last couple of years with your parents, DPs parents probably are missing him. If you're invited, then why not go?

If you're not invited, you need to be explaining to your DP that it's not on, and you want to spend Christmas together, wherever that is (although given you spent some Christmas breaks eith them already, I rather suspect you are invited, unless there's a huge drip feed coming)

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 14/12/2018 07:19

So you're not invited because you're not married?
If you ever marry this precious baby boy who can't be bothered to stand up for you man you know it'll always be like this? Events you won't be invited to because you're 'not blood' - he they will never see you as famerlee even if you have 10 kids.

Obviously if you'd been once and the heating was off, dinner was 1 roastie and a slice of Bernard Matthew's, and you had to spend the day reading the bible then you could go to your parents and have a brilliant time without him. But you don't know that, do you - just that neither your DP nor his family want you there.

toolazytothinkofausername · 14/12/2018 07:24

Where is @user1471477692

cowfacemonkey · 14/12/2018 07:25

Why aren’t you invited? That’s pretty telling about how he and his family view you to be honest

Petalflowers · 14/12/2018 07:27

You’ve lived together for six years, and yet it is ‘more appropriate’ for you to not to be invited! Unless in-laws are a devout Religious family where living together is a sin, I can see no explanation for this. (And even a Jesus was offered a stable!).

Are you normally uninvited to Dh family events?

I think it’s time to start stamping your authority and saying that you come as a partnership, or not at all.

Chloe84 · 14/12/2018 07:30

@TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter

It's been 7 years. You go together. What a weird thread.

I really hate this dismissal of anything different as a 'weird thread'. Is this a shit attempt at troll hunting?

Just because something doesn't happen to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Ohmno · 14/12/2018 07:31

This reply has been deleted

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Roaring · 14/12/2018 07:32

Op are you still there? If you're not invited then yanbu and frankly can do better. I'd tell him to extend his trip and not come back

Chloe84 · 14/12/2018 07:34

@GBPworries

ElsieCat have you even read the OP? confused
Here it is again, now you can give it a go!

Why so nasty? Elsie is just asking questios, it's not clear from OP's thread if she has her own family to spend Christmas with.

@OP the lack of invite from your DH or MIL would upset me hugely. Thiere is something very wrong in this relationship. Does DH often treat you like this?

madcatladyforever · 14/12/2018 07:35

My son and his partner have been together for several years, I wouldn't dream of inviting one without the other. Weird.

totallycluelessoverhere · 14/12/2018 07:36

If you were invited and declined then YaBU.
If you were not invited in the first place then YANBU.
Unless his mother is really horrid in which case you are right to decline the invite and your partner should also decline.

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2018 07:37

More information needed about the invitation.

Chloe84 · 14/12/2018 07:37

@Ohmno

Congratulations @SleepySofa you win the dumbest post I've seen this month award

Nothing wring with what Sleepy posted. Do you want to clarify what you found so dumb so are you just being nasty for the sake of it?

CrookedMe · 14/12/2018 07:42

I find it very odd that his mothers deems it 'more appropriate' for him to spend two full days with her - appropriate in what way, and who cares?!

Have a frank conversation with him about it.

Ohmno · 14/12/2018 07:44

This reply has been deleted

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DeepanKrispanEven · 14/12/2018 07:45

GBP I understood her post perfectly well the first time. What bit did you think i wasn’t grasping?

Elsiecat, I think the problem is that you seem convinced that the issue is that OP is hell-bent on going to her family, whereas she hasn't once suggested that that is the case.