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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP doesnt want to spend Christmas with me

137 replies

user1471477692 · 14/12/2018 04:34

I’ve been with DP 7yrs. Not married, no DC. He spent first 4 christmases with his parents. Last 2 with me. This year his DM insists he spends Christmas at the family home and he thinks it’s the right thing to do. I suggested, Christmas Day with me, then Boxing Day and 27th at his parents. He and his DM have suggested Christmas Day and Boxing Day at his parents is more appropriate since we are not married and child free. We have lived together 6 yrs and are both 35. I can’t help but feel slightly abandoned. AIBU?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 14/12/2018 07:49

Are you invited though op?

DaedricLordSlayer · 14/12/2018 07:50

oh look another First time OP starting a frothy thread then sitting back and watching the posts roll in.

MsJolly · 14/12/2018 07:50

Are you invited OP? Or does he think you were going to your parents? Does he know how you feel?

Birdsgottafly · 14/12/2018 07:51

"Are you invited though op?"

OP, you really need to come back to the thread and answer that, because that would change the replies.

Also, how often does he get to see them?

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2018 07:51

Is “are you invited” the new “cancel the cheque”?

zzzzz · 14/12/2018 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZenNudist · 14/12/2018 07:54

Intrigued. Whats your Christmas plan?

Oysterbabe · 14/12/2018 07:55

OP? Are you there?

KitschBitch · 14/12/2018 07:58

C'mon, OP, on tenterhooks here ......

anniehm · 14/12/2018 08:00

What have you done the last 2 years - on your own or with your parents? It seems fair you both visit his parents to me

Chloe84 · 14/12/2018 08:00

Oh no another dumb person

ODFOD

Not inviting your wife to Christmas is huge. Pretty dumb not to see that.

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2018 08:02

Not inviting your wife to Christmas is huge.

They’re not married. That’s the whole reason. Didn’t you read the op?

Ohmno · 14/12/2018 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

youngestisapsycho · 14/12/2018 08:03

I’ll say it too then....... are you not invited!?

Omzlas · 14/12/2018 08:04

I've never spent Xmas apart from my partner (previous or now DH), sometimes we've gone to be with family and sometimes we've stayed at home but we've always been together

Is there a reason you're not going / invited to his parents?
Is there more to this scenario?

legolimb · 14/12/2018 08:05

Sounds odd to me, but that's because I like to spend days off with my DH.

So OP - Were you invited to his parents' house or not?

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2018 08:09

I'm 43 with a dh and 2x dds. Christmas to me still means my mum and my sisters. So they all come to mine and we celebrate together.

ElsieCat · 14/12/2018 08:09

Elsiecat, I think the problem is that you seem convinced that the issue is that OP is hell-bent on going to her family, whereas she hasn't once suggested that that is the case.

She hasn't suggested it's not, either. She also hasn't made it clear whether or not she has been invited to go with him. This could be as simple as a stand-off over whose parents deserve priority.

I am not convinced of anything. I just want some clarification as a bit more context could change everything.

If he's leaving her alone to visit his family and she's not welcome, or he hasn't given her the option of splitting it fairly between both their families then she is NBU.

If he's spent the last two Christmases with her and her family, and this year he wants to be with his, then she IBU.

PinaColada1 · 14/12/2018 08:11

Yanbu although it would be good to know if you are invited?

My DP and I have been very rocky recently. We do have a child. He’s spending Christmas with his mum and sister who both dislike me and have not invited me.

I’m going to my parents. He is invited. But he’s not going.

We were at a fragile stage. Now I think he’s chosen his family of priority. And it’s not me. I’m very upset actually too.

BunsOfAnarchy · 14/12/2018 08:12

Why aren't you going with him?

MyOtherProfile · 14/12/2018 08:15

There has to be a backstory to this.

JustABetterPlayer · 14/12/2018 08:19

Christmas is about family at our house, so I’d be going to my mothers. But why can’t you go with him?

ElsieCat · 14/12/2018 08:24

Christmas is about family at our house, so I’d be going to my mothers.

Just Of course, but if that's always non-negotiable then it's a bit shit for your partner who gets to never see his/her own family, or never be with you at Christmas.

I'm 43 with a dh and 2x dds. Christmas to me still means my mum and my sisters. So they all come to mine and we celebrate together.

Both sides of the family all together at yours every year?

SalemBlackCat4 · 14/12/2018 08:27

I think it's sad that you are supposed to be a couple yet live as if you're single when Christmas comes. Where ever you go for the day, you are both supposed to be together. That is what being a couple means. I don't know what else to say to you because without knowing why you live separate lives as a couple and why you don't go together it is hard to give any advice. I think we need more background.

DeepanKrispanEven · 14/12/2018 08:27

Elsiecat, there's lots of things OP didn't say are not the case, it seems a little odd to assume that therefore they are likely to be a factor. Your post said "But if neither of you are prepared to not see your own family then it makes sense to go your separate ways for Christmas" when there is absolutely nothing to suggest that OP's family factor into this at all, or even that she has one.

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