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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent xmas expectations

107 replies

JoyofSticks · 13/12/2018 06:49

How are the less well off of us supposed to magic the extra money from? It pisses me off and always has done, this requirement that we spend extra money at xmas, why do we do it? Apparently it's cruel to not buy kids a pile of shite. I've always found it difficult and now there are grandkids, partner's kids, when's it going to end? I'm happy to buy a gift but it all adds up and then there's worrying about if the gifts are good enough, very bloody stressful. It's not possible to stop participating, it's commercial bullshit disguised as religion, neither of which interest me but here I am, worrying about how to afford coal and dog food because of having to buy presents. It's been pissing me off for years. Anyone else feel the same or are you organised, wealthy and have loving families?

OP posts:
peachypetite · 13/12/2018 06:50

Do you save throughout the year?

Original poster
JoyofSticks · 13/12/2018 06:52

No, I'm one of the UK workers not in a position to save and why are we expected to anyway? To buy CEOs a bigger yacht for xmas?

OP posts:
TORDEVAN · 13/12/2018 06:54

I save and buy bits through the year. I look out for really good deals and good charity shop bits.

I also don't worry they're 'good enough'.

GaryBaldbiscuit · 13/12/2018 06:54

a season of excess it really is, no religion involved for many many people.

GaryBaldbiscuit · 13/12/2018 06:55

try and get bargains op

Sirzy · 13/12/2018 06:56

Don’t do it then.

I don’t go ott but I do buy and save throughout the year to let us enjoy it. Good thing about Christmas is it is the same time each year so you can plan for it!

GaryBaldbiscuit · 13/12/2018 06:57

Set a limit and stick to it.
job done

Russiawithlove · 13/12/2018 06:59

Everyone in life has freedom of choice OP.
It is not the law to do Christmas in a certain way.
The majority of people are sheep and do not understand the concept of free will.
They are too concerned with being one of the pack and not being judged as being different.
Or not fitting in or missing out.

Take a step back and do what is best for you. The feeling of freedom and liberation will be far better
than the superficial fake bullshit.
It just takes mental strength and practice.
Happy Christmas to you in whatever way you celebrate.

swingofthings · 13/12/2018 07:00

No money problem here but am with you. I can afford all of it but I see it as complete waste of money that could go towards something much more worthy.

Xmas used to be about getting thi gs that you wouldn't in any way be able to get at any other time and you saved all year long for it. It's now a case of going to the shops and buying those washing products, or special sauces, or biscuits that you get all year round except you get the provilege of paying double for it because of the nice Xmas packaging!

MrsJayy · 13/12/2018 07:00

Just don't do it let the stress go not 1 person remembers what was in their piles of shite you ask them they remember 1 or 2 things, you need to lower your own expectations.

PoutySprout · 13/12/2018 07:00

We don’t struggle for money and DD doesn’t get piles of shite for Xmas. That’s not what it’s about for any of us. (Atheist so no religious aspect for us either.)

You don’t have to buy into the consumer shitfest if you don’t want to.

PoutySprout · 13/12/2018 07:02

We do the 4 gift thing for DD (8): something you want, something you need,something to wear and something to read.

We don’t buy for anyone else.

Pachyderm1 · 13/12/2018 07:03

OP, please just stop doing it!! There are so many threads on here moaning about the commercialisation of Christmas but YOU are participating in and creating that commercialisation!

You should only participate in the bits of Christmas that are meaningful to you. That might be none of it, or it might be being with family, or whatever.

People’s expectations will change with your actions. Explain why you feel this way, and stop buying tat you hate or doing things you don’t want. It would take one, maybe two years of you explaining your decision and then people would get it. Just do it!

Sipperskipper · 13/12/2018 07:03

This year we have said no presents for adults, just children. It all ends up getting so out of hand, and like you say, buying shite for the sake of it. I absolutely love Christmas, but definitely agree with you on that.

Also as PP have said, I don’t worry if the gift is good enough. I try and be thoughtful, but that’s it. And pick bits up throughout the year - these may well be charity shop / eBay bargains.

PurpleDaisies · 13/12/2018 07:04

Apparently it's cruel to not buy kids a pile of shite.

Is it? Since when?

Puggles123 · 13/12/2018 07:05

When we were little we had one present which we really, really wanted- and always felt very lucky and not deprived. I never realised at the time my parents struggled financially, but looking back now knowing that they saved all year to buy us something for around £20 makes me feel so grateful. A lot of my friends got loads of presents but I don’t remember ever feeling jealous etc, what I’m saying is, you are right that a mountain of presents is ridiculous; but don’t underestimate the power of a small but thoughtful gift?

LucheroTena · 13/12/2018 07:05

Just cut down the people you buy for. Tell them you can’t afford it. Cull it altogether if you need to. It’s not mandatory.

Original poster
JoyofSticks · 13/12/2018 07:09

I don't buy into the consumer shitfest the rest of the year and I don't buy into it now either but I do feel obliged to participate and buy gifts that i struggle to afford. I have no desire to buy gifts throughout the year, it's hard enough paying rent and council tax and the odd bag of coal ready for winter but I suppose is I'm going to participate by buying gifts for GC and DPs DC then I'm just going to have to try and save money each month, god, all for this xmas requirement, because it IS a requirement. If I told them there's no present from me, xmas is bollocks, they'd probably think I'm a bitch. Not doing it is not really an option for anyone is it?

OP posts:
Claw001 · 13/12/2018 07:09

I’m not well off or religious. I don’t spend a fortune.

My wider family, we do a secret santa, so everyone has one gift.

smiler0206 · 13/12/2018 07:10

You should buy what you can afford and people should appreciate and be grateful for what they get

marvellousnightforamooncup · 13/12/2018 07:10

I agree OP. Mountains of plastic bankrupting us and ruining the environment. I feel like I'm spending money to save face.

Next year I'm out and I'm telling everyone early on so they don't buy for us.

PurpleDaisies · 13/12/2018 07:11

I’m not well off or religious. I don’t spend a fortune.
Purely anecdotally, I think people who are religious tend to spen less because Christmas has a higher meaning than presents and family time.

Russiawithlove · 13/12/2018 07:12

Yes not doing it is an option. You need to change your mindset.
There is no point being resentful in giving a gift...that kind of inner anger will come across.

strawberrypenguin · 13/12/2018 07:13

Only buy what you can afford. I'd hate the thought that my mum was struggling to buy presents and I'd much rather she was honest about it. So if you were my mum I wouldn't mind at all.

GaryBaldbiscuit · 13/12/2018 07:16

But you have reminded me to buy a cheese board and some other things