Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent xmas expectations

107 replies

JoyofSticks · 13/12/2018 06:49

How are the less well off of us supposed to magic the extra money from? It pisses me off and always has done, this requirement that we spend extra money at xmas, why do we do it? Apparently it's cruel to not buy kids a pile of shite. I've always found it difficult and now there are grandkids, partner's kids, when's it going to end? I'm happy to buy a gift but it all adds up and then there's worrying about if the gifts are good enough, very bloody stressful. It's not possible to stop participating, it's commercial bullshit disguised as religion, neither of which interest me but here I am, worrying about how to afford coal and dog food because of having to buy presents. It's been pissing me off for years. Anyone else feel the same or are you organised, wealthy and have loving families?

OP posts:
Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 13/12/2018 08:24

We do spend quite a bit on our own children, and ive also spent money on ds1 boyfriend

Dont buy for dh and i at the moment, or his dad and brother and family

Dont buy for my brother and his girlfriend but buy for his three children

Buy for the hairdressers two young children

Buy for my freinds 2 children, all of which will stop when they are 18

Spend a tenner on my dad

But a friend of mine who buys for children in her family buys age appropriate books in the sale

I must check the January sales next year

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 13/12/2018 08:25

So yeah...do as much or as little as you want

dadshere · 13/12/2018 08:25

There is no need to spend a fortune on buying masses of gifts for everyone and their mother. Buy your nearest and dearest a token of appreciation.

pinkdelight · 13/12/2018 08:27

fwiw, I couldn't afford to keep a dog, so y'know, we make our choices.

many great and positive suggestions here. really love the 4 gift motto above. my best mate makes cakes/chocs/jams to give as gifts - nothing fancy, very much homemade and all the lovelier (and more economical) for it. i'm another who doesn't want cluttering up with 'stuff' anyway. would rather have time with friends and good conversations. we do save up for some Lego for the kids, but it lasts a long time and is worth every penny unlike the hyped up pricey toys that never get played with.

TheFairyAstronaut · 13/12/2018 08:27

And a very Merry Christmas to you too.

Isadora2007 · 13/12/2018 08:27

I didn't know people still bought coal.

The op should save her money as I reckon Santa will bring her some coal this year!
Seriously OP, talk about moaning and making a big fuss out of a situation YOU have created. You say your family will think you’re a birch if you do not buy for them- well you raised your children so there’s where you went wrong for a start. You’re a grown adult, WHY can’t you just talk to those around you and say that you’re cutting back this year but that perhaps youd like to spend time rather than money? If your children are parents they may relish some time off while you look after grandkids. Things don’t have to cost money to be valued. You’re playing into the whole consumerist crap and then moaning about it all the while. Step off and be happy with your choices.

1hello2hello · 13/12/2018 08:28

Agree don't buy for adults.
Books from charity shops can be like brand new and a bargain. Just make sure you buy to suit the children's interests/age. Chuck in a bag of chocolate coins/sprouts and no shite in sight !

CandyAppleRed · 13/12/2018 08:37

Op I think you should just make it clear to people this Christmas that this is the last year you will be doing presents. just politely tell people that you are upset by the consumerism and find it very stressful, that you won't be buying and don't expect anything back, people will be understanding and it will probably be a weight off everyone's shoulders. You will enjoy Christmas more, no one should feel they have to buy all this stuff at all. Like others have suggested, you could do homemade gifts, bake people cookies or mince pies etc as a gift if you like doing that sort of thing?

KeepingEveryoneSafe · 13/12/2018 08:40

I don't see why you can't cut back.
Normally I buy for 12 people but I've cut that in half this year and told them why. I don't give a toss if they think I'm a bitch but this is my time & money and it's up to me what I do.
You can't moan about it but are not prepared to do anything about it.

Chocolateheaven123 · 13/12/2018 08:43

I grew up with a huge pile of presents each Xmas (as did my 2 brothers). I barely remember most of them. It was too much to remember each and every one. As an adult with a toddler, I'm taking a different approach. We've bought a nice amount of presents that we think he will enjoy (he's not quite 2). His stocking is a bunch of practical stuff (socks, underpants, slipper socks, bubble bath, bamboo toothbrush, etc) plus some chocolates. I'm also pregnant with number 2. While the second is too young to understand Xmas, we'll 'regift' a lot of toys from DS to the new baby which is in immaculate condition. We'd rather the money went into savings for them.

Since I've started a family, I see how wasteful everything has become.

Next year, sibling presents are stopping as we've started having children so I'll buy for nieces and nephews instead.

No presents for friends children and vice versa.

Buy a few extra nice treats but no excessive amounts of food/drink.

Me and DP but each other things we really, really want or will get use out of (specific books, PJs, I've asked for a certain make up pallette which I'll use a lot, etc).

Basically I refuse to buy into a lot of crap (no elf on the shelf, new jumper every year, Dec 1st box, Christmas Eve box, etc).

As the children get older, I'd rather we go more Christmas themed art and craft, baking and so on.

We did buy new Christmas decorations this year but we lost our previous ones (no idea how!!)

OP, just strip it back. Only get a good selection of thoughtful gifts for a select few people. Don't give for the sake of it. Enjoy more quality time together. And if anyone complains, explain your reasoning and anyone decent should understand.

labazs · 13/12/2018 08:44

think pound shops charity shops etc one small thoughtful gift means more than a crap load of things no use to someone. work out a budget for each person and stick to it. but put your needs first ie pet food coal etc.
have you thought of something home made that would show you want to give a gift but something unique and meaningful

thegreylady · 13/12/2018 08:46

Buy each grandchild a book, an annual either hobby or comic related and a selection box. Even teens like Viz or a celebrity annual. Less than a fiver each and the job’s a good ‘un.
If you can afford more buy more otherwise don’t stress. I can afford to save and have a budget of £30 a head.

ToffeePennie · 13/12/2018 08:59

There’s never been piles of shite under our tree. My 4 year old has asked for a scooter this year. He’s getting that and a couple of bits I’ve bought from pound world closing down and Facebook market place. My baby is getting a baby shark toy, nappies and wipes.

RadioGagga · 13/12/2018 09:01

I hear you OP. I am incredibly lucky to be able to afford luxuries now but it was very different when I was a child. I find it stressful and I can afford it but I still try to be careful with my money because I understand it's value because we didn't have much as kids. I was shopping yesterday and thought to myself how on earth are you able to do it if you don't have much money. You are right. The commercialisation of it is horrible. We start celebrating it way too early and even if you don't want to you can't avoid it it's everywhere. We didn't have much as children but yet I had a happy childhood so what does that say. It's not about things it's about love and family. I need to try and remember myself as it's easy to spoil and over do things when you can afford to do so.

Russiawithlove · 13/12/2018 09:15

This might sound a bit naff to some but my friend in Wales was really broke last year but handpicked some beautiful shells from our favourite beach.
She was so sad she couldn't afford more.
She put them in a lovely little box. I'd saved them and I re did my garden this year with some Cotswold stones in places.

I put the shells in with the stones..and can see them now from my kitchen window.

It was one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever received and brings a little lump to my throat.
She will never realise what they mean to me Smile

OutPinked · 13/12/2018 09:17

Fuck this is cynical as hell... Are you green and furry by any chance?

LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset · 13/12/2018 09:18

That's lovely Russia.

Shockers · 13/12/2018 09:21

I used to exchange presents with my friends and also buy for their kids. I sent them both a message this year to say that I couldn’t afford it, but that I’d love a winter walk and a hot chocolate with them instead. Their relief was palpable!

For nieces and nephews, I’ve collected small gifts during the year and I’ve made decorations as family presents.

Everyone is coming to my house for Christmas and I’m looking forward to just being together. We lost my mum a few months ago and it sharpened my resolve not to get sucked into the madness, but to just do as much as I am comfortable with.

It’s a nice feeling to be released from Christmas’ grip!

greendale17 · 13/12/2018 09:57

I find not buying presents for adults a bit depressing. I have never given anyone tat. I give out thoughtful gifts that don’t cost the earth. It’s nice to give

Grace212 · 13/12/2018 10:02

OP not doing it is definitely an option

also I imagine it's easier now that people are more aware of problems caused by plastic tat

it is a terrible waste of money and anyone who doesn't get that you need to spend money on other things is being horrible.

lau888 · 13/12/2018 10:05

Set a budget, as you do any other time of the year, and only buy (or do something special) for those who will need or appreciate it. It doesn't have to be a pile of tat for all and sundry. A throng of grandkids, young cousins, friends' kids, will likely receive plentiful gifts from various family members. An elderly single aunt would really appreciate a card or small gift even if they were rich. Your own kids would appreciate a token gift, at any age, just because it's from a parent. And so on. It's the thought, not the monetary value or number of gifts. x

FishCanFly · 13/12/2018 10:21

i don't get why so many people leave major purchases until Xmas and then moan that they can't really afford it - I mean computers, games consoles, bikes, other expensive things - you can really buy those anytime of the year when you can or need. This way kids get unrealistic expectations and feel more disappointed than grateful.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 13/12/2018 10:22

When we first had DD and not much money, I got everyone a small sweet thing from poundland.

Okay not great, but I just wanted to show that I thought about them and wanted to get them something.

It makes me angry when people think it's about the price tag, it's about having the time and consideration to show love to others.

MondayImInLove · 13/12/2018 10:26

Some relatives that are short on money do homemade gifts for the DC (knitted dolls clothes, cute fabric bag with name sewn on) or really small things (novelty socks, soap they got for free from a hotel) and the DC love it!
The are 4-5 though so maybe harder when they get older.

NewYear2018 · 13/12/2018 10:36

i don't get why so many people leave major purchases until Xmas and then moan that they can't really afford it - I mean computers, games consoles, bikes, other expensive things - you can really buy those anytime of the year when you can or need.

But it's not like that FCF. It really isn't. Some families never have enough money for 'major purchases' as you put it. Their idea of a major purchase is the washing machine breaking down or kids needing shoes. For some families it's the choice of money in the meter, food or the bus fare to work. However hard one budgets the money won't stretch. That's why we have food banks and families are living in poverty.

It's shit being poor I can tell you.