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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To resent xmas expectations

107 replies

JoyofSticks · 13/12/2018 06:49

How are the less well off of us supposed to magic the extra money from? It pisses me off and always has done, this requirement that we spend extra money at xmas, why do we do it? Apparently it's cruel to not buy kids a pile of shite. I've always found it difficult and now there are grandkids, partner's kids, when's it going to end? I'm happy to buy a gift but it all adds up and then there's worrying about if the gifts are good enough, very bloody stressful. It's not possible to stop participating, it's commercial bullshit disguised as religion, neither of which interest me but here I am, worrying about how to afford coal and dog food because of having to buy presents. It's been pissing me off for years. Anyone else feel the same or are you organised, wealthy and have loving families?

OP posts:

Pachyderm1 · 13/12/2018 07:17

It is optional. One set of my grandparents wrote beautiful letters to my siblings and I when we were kids saying they weren’t doing gifts any more and it was fine! My other grandparents did extravagant gifts and we genuinely don’t love them more for it. Kids remember the relationship you have much more than the gift you give. It’s a habit you have to break - it seems impossible until it’s done.

PoutySprout · 13/12/2018 07:17

Not doing it is not really an option for anyone is it?

It absolutely is. Haven’t bought for my family members or his for over 10 years, including nephews and nieces. They don’t buy for us or DD. DD gets fewer than 10 things, including stocking fillers. You absolutely can opt out.

ItWentInMyEye · 13/12/2018 07:18

Why do you have to pay for your DPs DC? Surely DP pays for those?

SoupDragon · 13/12/2018 07:19

I do feel obliged to participate and buy gifts that i struggle to afford.

Then you need to work it why that is. No one is forcing you.

MrsJayy · 13/12/2018 07:19

Well you can cut down if your grandchildren all live in the same house get them a shared present a dvd and box of sweets or something if your family are ungrateful or expect then that is their issue not yours.

Claw001 · 13/12/2018 07:21

Purpledaisies my comment was in reference to the OP’s ‘commercial bullshit, disguised as religion’

I haven’t seen any evidence of religious people spending less at Christmas?

Russiawithlove · 13/12/2018 07:21

I guarantee you something OP. Read the posts here on boxing day. There will be loads of we spent a fortune and no one cared.
Or the we are so tired was it worth it for one day.
People drive themselves into a frenzy on here leading up to Christmas day....then by 4pm are on here moaning it didn't meet their expectations.

Sit back and watch..its like a bloody pantomime. EVERY year.

Lifeofsmiley · 13/12/2018 07:22

Why is it not possible to stop participating?
I have cut right back this year and am only buying for 3 people.
Just say to people’s you can’t afford it anymore. I’d be happy not receiving gifts at all. Especially when people are struggling.
The difference to my stress levels is amazing

hidinginthenightgarden · 13/12/2018 07:24

We are far from well off so we stay organised and don't over spend. We have used cashback to buy off Amazon, got most as we see them throughout the year (only works for smallish predictable children or adults) and got some great bargains on black Friday.
Our kids are getting stuff they need as well as stuff they want.

PurpleDaisies · 13/12/2018 07:25

I haven’t seen any evidence of religious people spending less at Christmas?

That’s why I said “anecdotally”. Certainly amongst my friends who are Christians, the present piles for their children are far smaller.

WizardOfToss · 13/12/2018 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zevitevitchofcwsmas · 13/12/2018 07:26

We were crippled by the 2007 crash. No saving etc.

I had to get everything free, made it by job to buy reduced food, I furnished our home from free cycle.. Got toys second hand for pennies.

Presents for gp were are, cheap things with pics of gc on. One year every present for dd was free from free cycle...

We couldn't save then but now we are in better position to. I save 30 a month from January and dh saves 30 as well per month. If dh gets a bonus (never more than 500) then part of that goes onto Xmas too.

jessstan2 · 13/12/2018 07:26

I didn't know people still bought coal.

WonderTweek · 13/12/2018 07:27

I opted out subconsciously years ago when I was a student and never really got back into buying stuff. I get a few bits for my husband and toddler but then I just send nice cards to my family (I'm not from the UK so they live in another country), and my husband and I may get my MIL a plant or something. No one's bothered. I don't expect any presents either. I just enjoy having a nice chilled out day with my family.

Zevitevitchofcwsmas · 13/12/2018 07:28

Oh and we don't buy for each other either.

LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset · 13/12/2018 07:30

YANBU, totally understand.

I've been well-off and skint, am not religious and if I didn't have DC I would opt out given a choice. But societally we're not given a choice, you're bombarded with it.

Notevenmyrealname · 13/12/2018 07:32

Don’t do it. We only have one income, we only buy for our children not anyone else’s, give food/drink gifts to immediate family only (parents, siblings) and DH and I don’t buy for each other. We buy ‘nice’ food for Christmas Day for just us and a real tree and those are our only extravagances. One year we were particularly strapped for cash and told people not to get us anything as we couldn’t afford to reciprocate and everyone was fine with that. Christmas is about spending time with people not money.

LagunaBubbles · 13/12/2018 07:32

Well don't do it then. You sound as if you've got a bit of a chip on your shoulder actually. There will always be someone better off financially than is, not just at Christmas.

Ifailed · 13/12/2018 07:32

Russiawithlove I agree with you. It's rather like childbirth, people forget how awful it is, until the next time! I fully expect many of those who suffer from Boxing day blues will be wearing themselves ragged in 12 months time, with some vague hope that this time it'll be better.

I've found that once you've made the decision not to engage in the headless frenzy, most people understand and are almost envious. Those that resent you for it are usually the ones you'll least miss.

Canibuildasnowman · 13/12/2018 07:33

My grandparents didn’t buy us gifts at all, found out later that they ‘helped’ with the Santa gifts. My mum and dad bought our new toys via a catalogue that they spent the next 4-6 months paying off.

MacarenaFerreiro · 13/12/2018 07:33

not in a position to save and why are we expected to anyway?

Why are you expected to save? In order to meet a big expense like Christmas? Or do you expect the magic money fairy to flutter down with an extra wodge of money at the start of december?

So just say that from now on you'll be buying something small, for the children only. Not adults. Or suggest a family secret santa type thing.

Parky04 · 13/12/2018 07:33

There is no law saying you have to buy presents. Tell everyone that you just can't afford it. If they truly care about you then it will be fine.

We are in a fortunate position where we can afford to buy presents but we can't be bothered! We only buy presents for our 2 DC. No dramas it was actually a relief to everyone else as well as they thought the same!

Claw001 · 13/12/2018 07:34

Purpledaisies I don’t think being well off or religious have anything to do spending on Christmas.

I know some who are well off, who don’t spend as much on gifts, as those who are not so well off!

Babygrey7 · 13/12/2018 07:37

You can do small gifts, eg a book and some sweets for the kids

Buy small but good gifts throughout the year. I gave my mum a small olive wood chopping board which has been her favourite present ever

Same with my dad and an allen key set he really wanted

No need for big piles of stuff, something small will do.

I don't expect any big presents for myself either

PoutySprout · 13/12/2018 07:37

if I didn't have DC I would opt out given a choice. But societally we're not given a choice, you're bombarded with it.

Yes. But it’s your choice at the end of the day. And your DC would probably benefit from you not buying into it. Seriously. It’s all made up bollocks designed to make CEOs and shareholders richer.

happyyouhappyfamily.com/4-gifts-for-christmas/

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