To think free family/ grandparent childcare should be banned?

[KnightlyMyMan]

This is a topic I keep seeing pop up and I can see both sides so wanted to throw it up for discussion.

Reasons I agree;

• It’s a HUGE and unfair financial advantage for those of us who have unpaid/ free childcare over those who don’t! It’s basically luck of the draw over whether you get to avoid £700-£900 full time nursery fees per child! In every other area of life it seems society is making it less acceptable to discriminate due to family financial status (uni funding - blind interviews) but ‘unpaid internships’ and ‘free childcare’ are two big remaining issues!

• It takes away jobs and is detrimental to the economy. (If all the children currently being looked after by family were in nursery more money would be spent, contributing to the economy, and more staff would be needed, creating jobs.)

But equally, as someone who does have free grandparent childcare lined up - of course I want to save (huge amounts) of cash and I trust my parents implicitly, no one would care for my kids better! Why should I give my children to strangers (even professionally trained ones) or fork out money I don’t need to?

The topic of childcare came up at work the other day and there was a definite ‘bloody alright for some’ attitude from those colleagues paying for childcare. It seems to be a subject that divides people very strongly!

@knittedjest
This is almost as bad an idea as that psychologist who said bedtime stories should be banned because it gave rich kids an advantage
We're poor, I assume I'm OK to keep in reading bedtime stories?

What a ridiculous thread.

This is mad. Literally one of the strangest threads I've read on Mumsnet and that's saying something!
Of course it's unfair that some have family help and others don't but that's life!
It's unfair that some people have parents that have given them thousands of pounds as a deposit for a house whilst others struggle to scrape rent together each month. It's unfair that some are left massive inheritances whilst others will be lucky to get a couple of hundred pounds. It's unfair that some people have to work all the hours in the day to just about muddle by whilst others manage a great work/life balance and have plenty. It's unfair that those who earn a single salary of £50k have their child benefit taken from them whereas two people earning £35k each, so £70k in total, keep theirs.
I could go on. That's just life. Sometimes it doesn't run in your favour and sometimes it does. Banning family from helping with childcare is literally one of the silliest things ive ever heard.

I'm a single mum on a low wage. My parents still work full time so I have no help with childcare. Doesn't bother me, it's life.

Ridiculous idea.
Said as someone who doesn’t have family to provide childcare and pays for nursery!

One of the most horrible things about the OP's 'ponderings' in this, frankly blitheringly idiotic, thread is the assumption that GPs and other family members only ever help out with childcare to save on money. There is lots of good evidence to suggest that children (young infants especially) have their needs met to the optimum level when cared for in a home environment by family or other caregivers with a close and secure attachment. Many grandparents offer care because they dearly want to, and the financial savings are ancillary to that primary motivation. To somehow have this kind of help penalised through the fiscal system is staggeringly stupid and wrong.

Life would be much easier if people just accepted that it’s not fair. You just have to make the best of what you’ve got and stop being so huffy that instead of seeing the good you have that others don’t it gets focussed on trying to take their good things away to make things ‘fair’.

That's crazy. What if grandparents really want to care for their grandkids? They won't be able to?
I don't live near family but wouldn't want rules made up to "make it fair"

Rather like banning reading to children. Or cuddling them really. Levelling down to somehow fight disadvantage.

Sad way of thinking and very 21st century.

Yabvvu
I have free childcare because all 6 of my DDs grandparents are retired. To put it bluntly, it's not actually my problem if other people don't have grandparents who can do the same. Why should I pay for someone else to do it? i.e. pay for something I don't need.
How about just bringing down the cost of childcare?

. There is lots of good evidence to suggest that children (young infants especially) have their needs met to the optimum level when cared for in a home environment by family or other caregivers with a close and secure attachment.
^^ This.

Some people just don't want kids raised by strangers.

Life is often unfair.

My parents are long dead and dh's were (many threads' worth) unhelpful. Never had one iota of help, not even in emergencies. I have had to be a sahp due to dh's long hours and unpredictable nature of job. Not the sort of sahm off lunching, gymning and beautifying - one who just keeps the home fires burning. I haven't minded that, but what does rankle is people's inheritances, when dh and I have diddly squat. One reason dh keeps his nose so firmly to the grindstone is that we have no great expectations and only earned income. Friend of mine just inherited £1.3m - and her dm only had a 3-bed house but which happened to be in outer London.

That being said, you can't ban unfairness. It's rather subjective anyway.

Really silly thread. And I speak as someone with no free family help who has lost a couple of jobs due to lack of flexible childcare and now washed dishes in a restaurant for min wage.

I would have died for some help when the kids were small, it would have made a huge difference to me and my life/self esteem. But banning others from having this is just plain daft. I can think of nothing nicer than loving grandparents helping out, it must be so lovely when that works and is available. My parents would have been great at this but sadly old age and death got in the way.

IrmaFayLear, I hear you

no inheritances either, hence me and dh, both 50 plus, working 2 jobs each with no end in sight, whilst friends have inherited literally thousand and thousands and are living a much easier and more comfortable life which in turn is being passed onto their adult kids

but what do you do

What a strange thread. Are you quite well OP? Where are these numerous angry, jealous threads against people who have free family childcare? I don't see them.
Having children isn't compulsory you know. Someone who doesn't have relatives to help goes into it with their eyes open.
Equally, I don't have any builders or plumbers in my extended family, so if I renovate my home, I know I'll be paying a contractor. I don't have any hard feelings against anyone someone who benefits from skilled family help or mates-rates...

We'd love nothing more than for one of us to be a SAHP or for grandparents to be able to look after our children. Unfortunately neither of those options are possible for us. Does that mean I think no one else should be able to stay at home or have grandparent care!? Absolutely not! Good for them. We all forge our own path through parenthood, making decisions based on the choices we have.

Yes OP. All children must be dropped at a nursery 7-6am at the age of 6 months. All families must have 2 parents and 2 children otherwise it's not fair. Everyone must earn the same salary. Grandparents are permitted to visit grandchildren 1-4pm on Sundays only. NO extra babysitting permitted. Everyone must earn £20k for a 40 hour week or it’s not fair. No SAHMs after 6 months. It has to be fair.

So because some people are fortunate enough to have relatives who are able to care for their children, they should be punished? Now I’ve seen some ridiculous things on MN over the years but this truly takes the .

You’ll be delighted to learn that my Mom (overseas) is not allowed to come over to look after her own grandchildren. While it’s ok for my English in-laws to do just that. One grandparent is ‘more equal’ than the other. But it must make you all warm and fuzzy that I had to send my child into the formal childcare that he hated and cried every day rather than have a loving relative attend to his every need.

This is my first ever . Unbelievable envy, jealousy and ill wishing attitude.

"Plus those saying about making free childcare more accessible it really really is IF you’re a low earner and need it or universally if you work."

It isn't. Not for some children. Some children don't get access to an education when they are school age never mind before it.

I don't understand how early intervention ties in with courses whilst your child is a baby or before they are born.
Currently there is inadequate early intervention for those who can see their child has a difficulty because they are not believed or funding has been cut.

The only thing I would ban is people assuming you have family childcare.

At dd's playschool I tentatively suggested to some other mothers that we could start a babysitting circle. They looked at me blankly and one said, "Why don't you ask your parents to babysit?" I replied that that would require a seance...

The sense of entitlement that keeps rearing it's head is incredible. Of course you are being unreasonable. I certainly don't want to live in a country regulating every aspect of life where everything is exactly the same.

I stupidly thought this thread may be because there's a whole army of knackered grandparents out there providing hours of free childcare ,often juggling with caring for their own very elderly parents and still working themselves !Believe me.But we offer out of love,for our DCs and their children.And tiring as it can be as long as boundaries are in place as to how much help is needed and acceptable on both sides I'd be furious to be 'banned' from looking after my adorable GC.It is what some families do and yes life is harsh and often unfair.But as my DD hugely appreciates the help she gets so do we her parents for the extra closeness having granchildren has brought the whole family.Very silly and weird post OP.