To think free family/ grandparent childcare should be banned?

[KnightlyMyMan]

This is a topic I keep seeing pop up and I can see both sides so wanted to throw it up for discussion.

Reasons I agree;

• It’s a HUGE and unfair financial advantage for those of us who have unpaid/ free childcare over those who don’t! It’s basically luck of the draw over whether you get to avoid £700-£900 full time nursery fees per child! In every other area of life it seems society is making it less acceptable to discriminate due to family financial status (uni funding - blind interviews) but ‘unpaid internships’ and ‘free childcare’ are two big remaining issues!

• It takes away jobs and is detrimental to the economy. (If all the children currently being looked after by family were in nursery more money would be spent, contributing to the economy, and more staff would be needed, creating jobs.)

But equally, as someone who does have free grandparent childcare lined up - of course I want to save (huge amounts) of cash and I trust my parents implicitly, no one would care for my kids better! Why should I give my children to strangers (even professionally trained ones) or fork out money I don’t need to?

The topic of childcare came up at work the other day and there was a definite ‘bloody alright for some’ attitude from those colleagues paying for childcare. It seems to be a subject that divides people very strongly!

Yes. We should ban non-parent care by living family members so that those who’s family are dead or distanced are not advantaged.

All children to go to state funded nursery from age 6 months. Grey romper suits all round. Flat fee to all, unless you don’t work in the public sector you n which case you have to pay for all the others because of your richness.

Life isn't fair! And why should it be. OP you sound so entitled.

Are you actually joking with this post? It's absurd. (And no, I don't have family near by).

ridiculous
so one lovley granny is denied caring for her grandchild because of others jealousy

Francis Crawford: you say Sahp can afford to stay at home - but actually many do so because there is (after childcare etc) little or no profit in working or even (as I found) a slight deficit.

If you want fair then higher taxes... FREE nursery & oap care for who wants/needs it
free dental care and prescriptions. Let's actually make it fair that way. Everyone has friends and relatives that struggle from time to time most would want a helpful society for them.. Why not all.

It's absolutely no one else's business who takes care of my children whilst I go to work or do whatever else I choose do with my time? I'm surprised this is even a thing.

Ridiculous.

Some people are born to billionaire parents. Some people to paupers. Some people are born beautiful. Some ugly. Some people are born with a predisposition to cancer. Some not.

You can never make life fair. It's not.

Banning family care?!🤣🤣🤣

And I'm saying that as someone who gets ZERO family help.

FFS Knightly you would have grandparents rioting if they could not look after their grand kids. Parents are lucky if they get free childcare form relatives but it is ridiculous to try to ban that just because others are jealous. I am now a grandparent and live too far away to my grand child to care for him but I do pay my dd towards his childcare as £1180 pcm so she can go back to work for 2 reasons. 1. If she did not work they would struggle financially with paying mortgage and all other bills. 2. My Mum looked after my children whilst I went back to work part-time and so I feel guilty I can't do the same for my dd. i do however go down and stay a few days if he is sick and can't go to nursery. YABVVVU

But the attitude of you're taking someone's job could also go to other areas of life too
Don't bake a cake or bread, buy it from a baker, don't drive, use taxis.

I think if you are lucky enough to have family childcare and the grandparents are happy with the arrangement then why Not?

Personally I had both as I knew it was too much for my folks to have son full time as he got older, fine when he was a baby and stayed still but once he was up and about, he went to nursery part time, then eventually 3 full days and 1 day with each set of grandparents.
Now my son is in school, I use school clubs to not have to rely on my folks so much because I know it's too much for them.

As long as all family members are happy then I don't see why it's anyone else's business to be honest

I think this is very unreasonable. My Ds's grandparents work, the only one who doesn't is in poor health so we have to pay for childcare. That said, I don't see why we would ban grandparents from being allowed to spend time with their grandchildren. If anything, we should be working on bringing down childcare costs.. My partner and I are looking at £1200 per months in fees when I go back to work which is depressing and makes me feel sick - and no we don't live in London where you expect higher costs. Similarly, maybe it would be good if grandparents were entitled to some kind of allowance e.g at the moment we use childcare vouchers for our eldest's after school club.. would be good if this could be used to pay relatives.

By the OP's logic I would still be allowed free childcare from a grandparent because my dm quit her job when my SiL and I were expecting our first babies (with our husbands - not with each other ) because she wanted to be a 'full time grandparent'. So she sacrificed her career same as a sahm would.

Please try not to be too jealous of me when I am the only one with free childcare under the OP's new totalitarian regime .

Hi OP and everyone else. Don't you see it? The answer is state subsidised childcare (yes, a bit like Russia actually - but more like the Scandinavian countries). The onus is on people (male and female) to be in employment.

Hence - and get this: it's the tax revenues accrued from women being in work that pays for subsidised childcare.

In Sweden, a full time nursery place is £120 a month. Again: because the tax accrued from women working, pays for the subsidy.

No need for Nana and Grandma to shoulder any childcare burdens.

Britain prioritises very differently. A bit like in the US, women are often forced to opt out of the workforce, at least partially, due to not being able to afford childcare. Of course that's not fair.

The fact of the matter is: women aren't very valued over here. They just aren't.

Direct your anger towards the politicians instead, dear mumsnetters. Not towards each other. And do a bit of research before you launch attacks.

You're being totally fleeced as parents in Britain. Can't you see that? And no. It's not going to get remotely better after Brexit.

Lol I think the OP has had a hard time with what does appear to be a tongue in cheek post - she obviously doesn’t think it should actually be banned.

I get so jealous of people where grandparents actually want to help out. My parents live abroad (since grandchildren were 7 and 2) but even when we do see them they’re not particularly bothered about doing anything with our children. It would be no different if they lived down the road.

By contrast they benefited from constant childcare when my brother and I were growing up. My mum had a great social life, out every weekend yet if I dared mentioning a bit of babysitting to go out I get a sympathetic ‘that’s what it’s like being a mum’ etc

It’s bizarre to be honest - they’re getting older now and definitely expect help from me.

So no answers but I would suggest that grandparents help if they can, especially if they had help themselves (or didn’t have to work because society was different), just acknowledge that families should help each other where possible - especially when all these baby boomers will need help too.

Rant over 😳

I haven't read the full thread, but OP, your idea is absolutely absurd. Criminalising people for taking care of their own grandchildren? Seriously? Do you really want a system where the police will have to investigate if they get a phone call from someone saying, "My neighbour is playing with her grandchildren in her back garden"?

This reminds me of those threads where people say that "common-law marriage" should exist in the UK, because it's not fair that some people have partners who won't marry them. Or that thread about how hospitals should stop providing food for breastfeeding mums (even though it's food for babies by proxy) because it might hurt the feelings of formula-feeding ones. Life doesn't work like that. Everyone feels envious at times, but the answer isn't to take things away from the people you envy.

Is this post only so the op can boast about saving ”HUGE” amounts of cash?
Bizarre!!!

What an odd thread!!
Surely most of life is really a ‘Luck of the draw’ situation.

I’m lucky to have married someone who became very successful with his business. He was a bit of a no hoper when we met tbh but he had the right concept at the right time and it worked.

Shall we ban marrying people who will be potentially successful too??!!

I haven’t RTFT but I’ve read enough of it to see the op is playing devil’s advocate (sort of). Childcare should definitely be state subsidised for the benefit of parents, but I also think the value of caring for children should also be recognised and all parent should being in FT work shouldn’t be the ultimate desirable outcome.

My DM has looked after 4 of her DGC (part time) so far and has always said it’s a privilege and a joy to be part of their growing up. I’m in a minority amongst my friends but most of them have been more financially supported instead so while I’ve benefited from her looking after my child, it certainly hasn’t given me a huge financial advantage over them - although I appreciate it very much and I know many many more people have neither financial nor practical help.

*all parents being in FT work shouldn’t be the ultimate desirable outcome

OP - so you are saying we should give up our children at birth and pay someone else to bring them up. Yeah that sounds a great idea well for the economy at least

Is this a fucking joke?
My parents WANT to be with my DD. So according to this ridiculous notion they wouldn't be allowed to be?

What a pointless post.

We all do what we can to get by. Childcare is expensive. If you can afford it great. If you get help from your family great. If you stay at home and look after the kids yourself great.

NOBODY cares. Stop judging others for how they raise their children. Mind ya business

I paid over £700 a month in private nursery fees when I had my son at 19 (6 years ago) even thought I was a single parent working a minimum wage job at full time hours. Working tax credits topped it up to make it feasible. Okay I probably would not have been much worse off unemployed, but in turn it led me to carry on growing my career where I now earn over 40k, and I only pay for wrap around school hours now which is about £280 a month. In my opinion, my parents and their parents have done their bit with kids. They should allowed to enjoy their lives without being relied upon. I know it isn't that black and white for everyone.

OP, you are off your trolley.
It’s a similar idea to ‘All children under 16 should have at least one SAHP’ ‘Single mothers are producing criminals’
‘The poor behaviour of the current and previous generation is because women entered the workplace instead of fulfilling their role as god decreed’ and other ridiculous, resentful and dictatorial opinions.
The flip side of my parents caring for my children when small is that now we are caring for them as they become increasingly dependent.
Families work in different ways and forms, unique to each set of circumstances.

^^ to add though, ha no, it should not be banned. That's stupid.

Anyone who actually thinks this is a valid point needs a serious reality check. I am literally in shock that anyone, with or without grandparent support, would think this. World's gone mad snowflakes!