To think free family/ grandparent childcare should be banned?

[KnightlyMyMan]

This is a topic I keep seeing pop up and I can see both sides so wanted to throw it up for discussion.

Reasons I agree;

• It’s a HUGE and unfair financial advantage for those of us who have unpaid/ free childcare over those who don’t! It’s basically luck of the draw over whether you get to avoid £700-£900 full time nursery fees per child! In every other area of life it seems society is making it less acceptable to discriminate due to family financial status (uni funding - blind interviews) but ‘unpaid internships’ and ‘free childcare’ are two big remaining issues!

• It takes away jobs and is detrimental to the economy. (If all the children currently being looked after by family were in nursery more money would be spent, contributing to the economy, and more staff would be needed, creating jobs.)

But equally, as someone who does have free grandparent childcare lined up - of course I want to save (huge amounts) of cash and I trust my parents implicitly, no one would care for my kids better! Why should I give my children to strangers (even professionally trained ones) or fork out money I don’t need to?

The topic of childcare came up at work the other day and there was a definite ‘bloody alright for some’ attitude from those colleagues paying for childcare. It seems to be a subject that divides people very strongly!

I have to admit to feeling a bit envious of friends who have grandparents available to offer childcare. For health reasons neither my parents nor DHs father have been able to look after our children, other than an occasional couple of hours in the evening. I get especially envious when friends are off for a nice romantic weekend away while the DCs are at their grandparents....

On the other hand, I am very grateful for the fact that me, DH and my DCs are all in good health, and DH has a good job. So I guess it’s all just luck really.

OP, you should read “Harrison Bergeron “ a novell from Kurt Vonnegut.

The plot:
In the year 2081, the 211th, 212th, and 213th amendments to the Constitution dictate that all Americans are fully equal and not allowed to be smarter, better-looking, or more physically able than anyone else. The Handicapper General's agents enforce the equality laws, forcing citizens to wear "handicaps": masks for those who are too beautiful, loud radios that disrupt thoughts inside the ears of intelligent people, and heavy weights for the strong or athletic.

I feel like shit just got a little weird

Even the thought that anyone in this world thinks it is acceptable to even consider legislating against this is quite frankly shocking.
I am a mature consenting adult and as long as I am not hurting anyone else should be free to do exactly as I like with my time.

Keep the state out of personal decisions like this - all the time - every time.

I didn’t have family childcare or even family nearby to provide backup childcare. Even worse - I provided masses of backup childcare for my DSCs.

Was that financially penalising? You bet! Do I think family childcare should be banned to make things fair? No way! I think nurseries should be banned.

I just showed my Mum this thread, she said FFS what's wrong with these silly girls I'll help you out whenever I can why are you reading such shite, hmm ok Mum

I think nurseries should be banned.

Nurseries are a gross violation of the rights of children to their family’s care and attention.

Nurseries are a gross violation of the rights of children to their family’s care and attention.

FFS. My niece went to nursery aged 1 and she loved her carers, and they loved her, and she was and is a very happy little girl, and the family is still in touch with the nursery carers.

Children don't require their family's care and attention ALL DAY LONG. It's good for them to feel that other people also care for them and love them.

user what now?? Please, please explain your reasoning......

(Hoping you were being sarcastic and it was lost in translation)

Just pointing out an obvious extreme counterpoint to the OP!

This doesn't make any sense

If anything, what should be banned is childcare being so ridiculously expensive, not family providing free childcare to make things "fair".

I seriously do not understand this way of thinking

Family caring for children is the most natural thing in the world, it has been done all the time. What is not normal is the extortionate prices of childcare in the UK, childcare is subsidized by the government in many countries and I do not know of any other country where childcare is so expensive as here (I am sure there will be some but UK prices are not the average prices in Europe at all).

When people say it is not fair doesn't mean they want to do something about or put a stop to it. If I know someone has won 20 millions in the lottery I may say "It is not faaaaair", it means I am jealous, I would love to be in that situation, it doesn't mean I am opening a debate to ban lottery for everyone because "it is not fair".

PurpleDaisies - even an online questionnaire could highlight some people’s inadequatacies. Nipping that in the bud with education or intervention is not a bad thing.

I nursed for a long time, do you have any idea the number of people who do not know how to make up formula and children suffer food poisoning as a result ?

Well, leaving aside all the other arguments:

It takes away jobs and is detrimental to the economy.

Many grandparents who care for children do it because
a) they have retired early or
b) they have chosen to work part time or
c) they never worked or never worked much, as when they were parents it was more usual for the mother be a SAHP.

So the grandparents are losing out on income; it's not that common for them to be younger retirees who have had a full working life and a generous pension.

This will be Teresa May’s next move.

I used to work in a nursery while my dc were small. My wages were less than their child care. I was paying for someone else to look after my children while I looked after other people’s.
I would never ask my parents to help. They’ve done their bit (having an amazing daughter ).

I'm not overly keen on grandparents looking after kids. I have seen it in my immediate family. It blurs boundaries and seems to cause bad feeling on both sides

Absolutely ridiculous post 🙄

Nurseries are a gross violation of the rights of children to their family’s care and attention.

Get a grip of yourself

@Kannet Sure, I have no doubt that is the case, I don't think I would like it either, but it definitely works for some people. And you cannot ban family relationships?
It is definitely something for the family to decide, not to put a ban on.

On the other hand, it blurs boundaries specially when people do not have the money to pay the crazy prices of childcare, then even if you don't like what the grandparents do, you have to swallow it or be more flexible. If childcare was subsidized by the government, as it is in many other countries, then people could make a free choice of what they prefer, and if you are not happy with the childcare a grandparent provides, it is easier to remove the child from that grandparent and take the child to the nursery instead, because money is not such a huge issue.

Seriously, some people I know in other countries pay like a tenth of their wage for a full time nursery, the person I know that paid the most was paying a quarter of her wage.

The issue here is the cost of childcare, not family helping out.

Who complains that is is unfair that others have free childcare?

Interesting assumption that grandparent care is free and unlimited!
My parents looked after mine when they were pre-schoolers (not full time )
But they were clear about when and how long the children were there
There were keen - rightly - to preserve their own time for holidays and their own fun things - hardly unlimited
And I paid for and supplied food milk nappies and other baby related items
Some of my friends pay for their parents food shopping or similar instead of ‘payment’ for childcare / fetching to and from school or pre school etc
Hardly completely free

Obviously it wouldn't work in practice, but YANBU for wanting to discuss it OP.

I don't think there's a stigma associated with it, quite the opposite. I think people are very judgy about the advantages that having well off parents/family brings but far less so about any indirect or non-financial help.

It blurs boundaries and seems to cause bad feeling on both sides

@kannet surely you mean it can blur boundaries and cause bad feeling.

In some families it works perfectly fine with no boundary blurring or bad feeling.

a professional with experience and early years training!

Don't grandparents have experience and plenty of on-the-job training?? It may not be 100% in line with this week's methods but I doubt their grandchildren will come to real harm!
As far as the original post, it has to qualify as one of the most stupid ideas ever put forward! Will it be illegal for grandparents to help with reading, to play number games when shopping with them etc etc. as these will be deemed an unfair advantage? If people realise that life isn't 'fair' or equitable they might be much less stressed.

OP, you should read “Harrison Bergeron “ a novell from Kurt Vonnegut
Adding this to my book list. Love Dystopian futures after reading Brave New World in my teens