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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say something about religious nativity play?

393 replies

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 12/12/2018 16:07

The DC go to a private day nursery. It doesn't have a religious affiliation. It was their Christmas play today. They did a loose version of the nativity and then at the end, there was a bit of recitation - "and that baby Jesus grew up to do amazing miracles. He died to save all the people in the world. Christians believe he came back from the dead and everyone who finds Jesus will be happy."

Dd who is under 4 is now asking "what does it mean, Jesus died?" And "should we go and look for Jesus?"

Aibu to mention to nursery management that this has resulted in some awkward conversations and maybe next year, they could choose something non-religious, bearing in mind lots of the families that use the nursery aren't believing Christians?

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 12/12/2018 16:49

Our nursery managed to do completely secular winter themed performances. It can be done. If the school is committed to being inclusive, they would do the same.

giftsonthebrain · 12/12/2018 16:49

Seems like you’ve been caught red handed op. By 3 almost every child would be aware of a dead bug, dead bird that hit a window, dead fish at the pond.
You need to tackle this same as teaching toilet training or buttoning a sweater. All things that are alive can die and sadly don’t come back.
Jesus is alive in spirit he had some interesting views on how to treat people.
Your an adult op, come up with your own version but by 3 you certainly should have covered basic life and death.

dippledorus · 12/12/2018 16:49

Well, if you don't believe children can properly sort out fact and fiction, don't you let them watch TV, read books, tell them any stories?

FrancisCrawford · 12/12/2018 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Confusedbeetle · 12/12/2018 16:50

It isn't hard explaining death to a small child. In fact, it is very important that they have an understanding. Start with finding a dead bird. It can't come back, but some people believe that Jesus did come back. You don't have to believe it, All children need to learn about other b peoples beliefs and thoughts from a young age, Some people believe in Santa, I know, incredible eh? Somewhere along the line, little ones can cope with the idea of nice stories that might not be true

Deadbudgie · 12/12/2018 16:51

Dear Lord!!!!! I have no words op, no words!

JoeElliotsMullet · 12/12/2018 16:51

Well you can have the nice nativity about Baby Jesus being born and Wise Men yada yada but... what's the point, if the Baby Jesus isn't anything special? Why celebrate his birth? It's kind of the whole point of Christianity, isn't it? His eventual sacrifice/death/resurrection (if you believe that), so why only tell part of the story? Are you one of those people who celebrate Chocolate Egg Day?

FrancisCrawford · 12/12/2018 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Woooman · 12/12/2018 16:53

For goodness sake. Other religions are going to be taught for at least the next 7 or 8 years. Your child doesn't need to have every religion crammed into their first year or so of education. If it's such a shock to you that at Christ-mas the children learn about the nativity then maybe you should home educate because there is going to be a lot of this in the years to come. On top of that, please don't tell me you celebrate Christmas because that would be the height of hypocrisy. Let me guess...you're one of those people who wheel out the old pagan excuse to justify celebrating Christmas!

You are being ridiculous.

Original poster
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 12/12/2018 16:53

Dipple

No my child has never read a book. Ever.

Or, more sensibly, we tell her "the Gruffalo is just a silly story" when she gets scared of it.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 12/12/2018 16:54

Do you read books to your child? Do they understand that those stories are fiction? How are religious stories any different?
I’m not sure why you posted in AIBU as you don’t think you are.

ChocolateWombat · 12/12/2018 16:55

And what's this not wanting to explain about praying because you don't do it?

There are loads of things people do which you might not and you can't just pretend these things don't exist and out your head in the sand. Your child is in this world and needs to understand it in a growing and gradual basis and their ability to do that is hindered by a parent who isn't prepared to talk about and explain things they don't do themselves or don't like. It will do your child no favours and whilst you might think it is protecting them, it is actually preventing them from a growing understanding. Talking about things doesn't mean you endorse them and exposing a child to ideas doesn't mean they will take them on themselves and let them become their core beliefs and attitudes. Have faith in your child to understand and in yourself to express your views and attitudes, so you don't put them in a little bubble, which is actually a more dangerous place to be, because never hearing about ideas or having a chance to discuss actually makes you far more vulnerable than if you've had a chance to ask, listen, discuss and form your own views gradually.

moredoll · 12/12/2018 16:55

And in news just in...

This is a Christian country. That's why the Church of England has bishops in the House of Lords. The Queen is head of the Church of England.

The Nativity celebrates the birth of Christ. Easter examines his death.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/12/2018 16:55

They can't sort out facts from fiction???!?

So, when she's watching Peppa Pig, does she think somewhere lives some cartoon pigs in a house?

00100001 · 12/12/2018 16:55

"ng to children to be told religious stories before they have developed critical thinking skills and can properly sort out fact and fiction, which at 3yo, I don't think most children can."

Presumably there's no tooth fairy, no father christmas, no easter bunny etc in your house?

Original poster
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 12/12/2018 16:55

Woooman

This is not school. It is childcare. A private day nursery.

OP posts:
thegreylady · 12/12/2018 16:55

If it is aNativity play then, by definition, it is about the birth of Jesus. There was no need to bring in the ‘died for us’ aspect of Christianity at this stage.

Panapan · 12/12/2018 16:55

In the end, if you only want your children to be exposed to things that you agree with/believe in, the only realistic option is to homeschool!

It's not unreasonable to hope that your children learn about other religions, but to expect that Diwali, Eid and Hanukah are given the same amount of time/emphasis as Christmas in the UK is not really realistic. You'd expect children in India to learn more about Diwali than about Christmas, wouldn't you? Whether or not you believe it, the UK has been built on Christian values/beliefs and therefore we celebrate Christian festivals.

In terms of speaking to your child about death, my own view is not to wait to have some serious discussion about it. Openly and honestly answer their questions as and when they are raised. If you don't know the answer, say you don't know. Parents don't have to know everything.

IamSusan · 12/12/2018 16:55

I think you are being completely ridiculous for all the reasons given.

What I find most amusing is that I bet you are not against Father Christmas - if you believe in neither, why are you so upset about one but not the other? Totally your right not to be religious, but if you believe it's all nonsense, how is baby Jesus more harmful than the tooth fairy or the easter bunny?

Aquilla · 12/12/2018 16:55

Oh dear, it only takes a few comments like yours to make them cancel it for future years, you know that, don't you?
What a bore...

00100001 · 12/12/2018 16:57

tuh...they bring religion in to everything these day... [eyeroll]

dippledorus · 12/12/2018 16:58

So why can't you tell her "Jesus is just a story that some people believe"?

You are being totally ridiculous.

PortiaCastis · 12/12/2018 16:58

Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ so what did you expect

GreenTeacup · 12/12/2018 16:59

OP: AIBU
Mumsnetters: yes you are
OP: several threads arguing against mumsnetters who disagree.

OP, you know when Christmas is, I can’t imagine that the problem was high on your list of parental no-no’s otherwise you would have surely take action. I would say that 90% of people attending a nativity will expect some religious content at least. Maybe chalk it up as experience?

Your daughter is not even 4, I am pretty sure she will have forgotten all about it in a weeks time.

Tiredmum100 · 12/12/2018 16:59

Yes you would be unreasonable to suggest a non religious Christmas play. The point of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus. I'm not overly religious but I believe it should be respected and kept as it is. We don't go changing other religious festivals so why should this be any different. I'm sure if you don't want to allow your child to participate you can ask for them to do something else.