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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say something about religious nativity play?

393 replies

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 12/12/2018 16:07

The DC go to a private day nursery. It doesn't have a religious affiliation. It was their Christmas play today. They did a loose version of the nativity and then at the end, there was a bit of recitation - "and that baby Jesus grew up to do amazing miracles. He died to save all the people in the world. Christians believe he came back from the dead and everyone who finds Jesus will be happy."

Dd who is under 4 is now asking "what does it mean, Jesus died?" And "should we go and look for Jesus?"

Aibu to mention to nursery management that this has resulted in some awkward conversations and maybe next year, they could choose something non-religious, bearing in mind lots of the families that use the nursery aren't believing Christians?

OP posts:
schopenhauer · 12/12/2018 17:00

FFS. I’m an atheist but it’s important to teach children what religions believe and Christmas is essentially a Christian festival. I’m happy for my kids to leave about this. It is an important part of their culture.

missbattenburg · 12/12/2018 17:01

Sometimes I stumble across threads on mn and realise just how far into the ridiculous we have fallen...

It turns out that once humans have enough food and warmth and shelter, they start making up stuff to worry about.

Original poster
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 12/12/2018 17:01

SoyDora

I posted in aibu as I wanted views. I have read them and had a good think.

We generally do explain things in an age appropriate way, such as where babies come from, why a man we saw in town with MH issues was behaving as he was etc. She reads a lot with us.

I grew up in a totally irreligious family but DH feels religious stories are quite toxic and wanted to wait till she was older.

In retrospect, I think we should talk to her about death more. I found out about it in such a traumatic way that I haven't been sure how to approach it and tbf it is a lot easier if you are religious and can just say people go to heaven.

OP posts:
GlomOfNit · 12/12/2018 17:03

Oh god, this is hilarious. What would an atheist NATIVITY play look like, OP?

Your 4 yo needs to know about the concept of death. Four is old enough to understand in simple terms. I agree that hearing 'Jesus died but then came back' isn't exactly helpful in that context, but ...

Look, get used to it. Your children will come up against lots of little dribbles of religiosity as they advance and go into school. Have they never, ever sung Christmas carols? Or had them sung to them? Do you ever explain why Christmas is celebrated as it is? Or Easter? I'm an atheist and I've managed to cope with awkward questions and make it clear that some people believe this, we don't, but that everyone is free to make up their own mind and that it's fun to celebrate festivals which sort of belong to everyone. I think you need to chill out about this a bit because it's only going to get more pronounced.

Strongmummy · 12/12/2018 17:03

Ffs! It’s a nativity play coz it’s christmas. Why don’t you explain to your kid that some people believe in Jesus and some don’t. Age appropriate conversations about just things really aren’t hard

Knitwit101 · 12/12/2018 17:04

She wants to know what it means that Jesus died

Jesus lived a long time ago and then he died. People live and then they die.

You are not doing your child any favours by not telling her about death. I'm sure she knows people don't live for ever.

my child has never read a book

She's had books read to her at nursery though, right?

Original poster
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 12/12/2018 17:04

GreenTeacup

What on earth are you talking about? I have not posted several threads? Confused

Iamsusan

No idea why you think we do FC, Tooth Fairy etc. I haven't said we did, and no we don't.

OP posts:
MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 12/12/2018 17:05

you are making very heavy weather of this OP.

It's an ideal opportunity to talk about the way other people do things, what other people believe in, how to discuss and listen about the ideas of others kindly

Just do that simply and move on, just answer the questions she asks.

Original poster
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 12/12/2018 17:06

Knitwit

Think you need to read the rest of that post Grin

OP posts:
pallisers · 12/12/2018 17:07

if you don't like the religious element of Christmas then don't fucking celebrate it.

I thought the entire point was the OP doesn't fucking celebrate it.

IamSusan · 12/12/2018 17:07

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff
so you do no Christmas, no tooth fairy, no fairy tales, nothing. Wow, your children must have such a magical childhood! Grin

I hope you have addressed the biggest myths of all, that their parents are always right, will always provide a home for them and be there forever. Much better getting them stuck in straight away in the harsh reality of day-to-day life, isn't it.

Good grief, bah humbug taking a different level altogether.

Strongmummy · 12/12/2018 17:07

And whether religious stories are toxic or not the fact is that they form the back bone of much of our cultural reference. I’m agnostic , have zero interest in religion from a spiritual perspective, but feel I would be doing my son a massive disservice if I didn’t teach him about the major faiths (and in particular Christianity) so he understands cultural reference, history, the context for many political issues

icannotremember · 12/12/2018 17:07

I am atheist and had atheist parents and married an atheist man and hope our dc will grow up to be atheist. But I talk to them all about religions and religious beliefs. I tell them that I don't believe the stories are true but that some people do.

It is definitely easier to talk about death if you can rely on heaven etc! It's the subject I have found trickiest with all of my dc.

Notquiterichenough · 12/12/2018 17:07

Seriously, OP, you are just starting the journey of your child learning things from other people outside your control. Your job is to teach your child how to handle and process what she is told. You're not going to be able to police every lesson, assembly, teacher, friend or friend's parent for the next fifteen years.

By all means speak to the nursery, but answering your child's questions honestly and openly is far more important. Tell them the history of Christmas, why people celebrate (including how it evolved etc). Then they'll have the knowledge and tools to process things that they hear for themselves.

BarbaraRoyale · 12/12/2018 17:07

I think if you say something it would be weird . You cant expect the nursey to predict your particular whims

ChristinaMarlowe · 12/12/2018 17:08

😂😂😂😂😂 Genius.

IamSusan · 12/12/2018 17:09

I thought the entire point was the OP doesn't fucking celebrate it.

The OP does, and accepted that their children got involved in the CHRISTMAS play and attended it. The OP is querying the fact that the nativity has a religious element... funny that Grin

CherryPavlova · 12/12/2018 17:09

This is very funny. The world’s going slowly mad. If you don’t want your child to take part in a Christmas nativity then withdraw them but don’t spoil other parents pleasure. It’s kind of in the name; it’s a nativity. You might have worked out Jesus would be mentioned. You might also work out the whole Christian foundation is that God the father sent his only son to earth as a human that he might die to save humankind.

If you don’t like that perhaps you shouldn’t be celebrating Christmas at all? Father Christmas is actually Saint Nicholas.

CiderBrains · 12/12/2018 17:10

People are aware that Jesus wasn't born in December aren't they?

Original poster
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 12/12/2018 17:10

In the end, I probably won't say anything to the nursery. I still think it was ill advised as a choice, because it introduces big ideas like religion and death to a room of 2-4 yos with no warning to the parents, but of course there are bigger things to worry about.

I also have to say aibu is hilarious at times - the massive amounts of projection like the nursery will have to cancel the play, you should homeschool, your children must never have read books ......

As it happens I work in education myself!

OP posts:
IamSusan · 12/12/2018 17:11

People are aware that Jesus wasn't born in December aren't they?

people are aware, thank you. People still celebrate Christmas Day and Epiphany.

GreenTeacup · 12/12/2018 17:12

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff

I meant responses not threads.

I agree with PP that the only way to ensure that your child is not exposed to things which do not fit in with your beliefs/morals/standards would be to homeschool.

You say your daughter has already asked the question. I am intrigued to know how you answered her? Young children are satisfied by the simplist of answers so I am wondering if you have complicated the situation?

IamSusan · 12/12/2018 17:12

As it happens I work in education myself!

I sincerely hope it's not true.

dippledorus · 12/12/2018 17:12

I am sure, even if you don't celebrate Christmas, that the room of 2-4 year olds, even yours, are familiar with the notion of Christmas. The nursery must have Christmas trees up for example (even if you don't do that)

Amanduh · 12/12/2018 17:13

If you work in education, you’re even more ridiculous and unreasonable 😂😂