To say something about religious nativity play?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

The DC go to a private day nursery. It doesn't have a religious affiliation. It was their Christmas play today. They did a loose version of the nativity and then at the end, there was a bit of recitation - "and that baby Jesus grew up to do amazing miracles. He died to save all the people in the world. Christians believe he came back from the dead and everyone who finds Jesus will be happy."

Dd who is under 4 is now asking "what does it mean, Jesus died?" And "should we go and look for Jesus?"

Aibu to mention to nursery management that this has resulted in some awkward conversations and maybe next year, they could choose something non-religious, bearing in mind lots of the families that use the nursery aren't believing Christians?

And Worra she thinks you look for dead people because that's what they told her.They said Christians think Jesus is dead but he came back and now we should look for him.

So tell her it's a story and real life it totally different

Does she also think bears eat porridge and sleep in people's beds?

Does she think pigs can build houses that wolves blow down?

No I thought not, because you will have told her the difference between stories and real life.

You should not be scared of answering these questions even at 3.

Just give her age sensitive factual information. It makes it so much easier than saving these talks for when they’re older.

You’ll be amazed at what kids take in their stride that us adults get worked up about.

I just see it as a good learning opportunity to be honest. My 3 and 5 year olds have come across Jesus (and indeed, death) in a number of different contexts. I just explain to them what some people believe. Regardless of my atheism, we live in a Christian country and it’s somethint they need to learn about.

I would feel that phrase was a bit heavy handed too op. I am happu for my dc to do nativity plays, in the same way I'm happy for them to act out stories from other countries. The "if we believe in Jesus we will be happy" is not accurate (I don't think christians do believe this - no unhappiness if you believe in Jesus?) and seems very much like trying to encourage dc to believe.

Okay so to be clear - they do not teach about other religions
I bet they do. But it just so happens to be CHRISTMAS right now.
I'm going to assume its the first year at this nursery, otherwise you'd have been aware of the nativity thing. So how can you confidently say they don't cover other religions when its those holidays?
And to be honest Christmas is a pretty big thing in the UK, so it can hardly be ignored can it?

Just read you update OP, you were going to wait until her great grandma died??? No death isn't something you drop them in at the deep end like that, the endless questions and her not understanding, whilst your grieving too?? You teach young children about death so that they handle the death of a relative better FFS.

Okay so to be clear - they do not teach about other religions. My children have attended this nursery for years. They do not do Chanukah, Diwali etc. They don't.

If you're representative of the parents there, I'm not surprised.

I expect they'd have a full on heart attack if their kids were to learn about Eid...

Lonicera I agree.

I certainly knew about death aged 4 as by then, my baby sister had been diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer and my parents took us to the cemetary to prepare us for what would happen if/ when she died. In fact she survived but I understood what it meant that she would die.

DH came from a fundamentalist Christian background so got told very explicit stories about the death of Jesus.

I intended to teach her about religions but when she was a bit older frankly.

They said Christians think Jesus is dead but he came back and now we should look for him.

How about, "Some people find happiness knowing the story of someone's life, and that's what finding Jesus means to christians - knowing the story of his life".

I think that's vague enough for even an atheist like me, and copes with the granny situation. But as to teaching about spirituality and comparative religion, that's also down to you as a parent to provide whatever flavour or spiritual guidance matters to you. It's not something just for daycare or school. If you leave it as a vacuum she will pick up on whatever spiritual or secular breadcrumbs are laid out in what is, at the end of the day, a majority christian society.

Er, is there such thing as an irreligious nativity play?

When I was a school we did a show acting out Rama and Sita stories. No one tried to suggest we became Hindus. So yes, I think nativity plays can be engaged in by a range of kids without trying to encourage them towards Christianity.

Have they not seen any books/cards etc with the nativity scene on and asked questions? My three year old has!

Or heard carols? Away in a Manger etc?

UsernameGenerator

I don't really want to have to explain about praying etc as that is not something we do. Then we will have but why don't we pray to God, doesn't God love us etc.

We didn't have a TV, and I doubt that I had been to the cinema by then, so I would not have come across the concept.

You didn’t ever read a book either? What was it you thought Mr McGregor was going to do to Peter Rabbit if he caught him?

OP I’d suggest that waiting until a loved one dies is the worst way for a child to encounter death.

Start small and unemotional with plants and insects. Then stories about animals and then she has a solid understanding of the concept before she to deal with it in real life.

Coolestmum.

No. They do not do other religions. I have used this nursery since 2015 for my 3 children.

Previously they have done panto style stuff or a Christmas fairy play.

Then we will have but why don't we pray to God, doesn't God love us etc.

If you say “we don’t pray to God because we don’t think he’s real” she isn’t going to ask the next question.

And I totally agree with @NonaGrey, done in the right way it is totally fine to talk about death. My DD (5) and DS (3.5) both know about it. They've seen dead insects etc and we talk about their Great Granny who is no longer alive. My DD also watched some of BBCs Dynasties and animals killing animals - it's life and explained correctly is nothing to be feared.

The UK is to all intents and purposes a Christian country. Whilst it would be nice if other religions were celebrated at your child's nursery, I think it is a bit rich to get upset about a nativity play that has a religious element.

That's the nice me.

The not nice me says - for crying out loud, get a fucking grip and if you don't like the religious element of Christmas then don't fucking celebrate it.

I'm atheist, but one of things that annoyed me when DD was at primary is they never did the nativity story. It was always a fairy tale. It's important children understand the reason Christmas is celebrated, and it's not just a day of presents.

All you have to say is that's what some people believe - it's very simple.

As you seem to be very concerned/worried about how discuss death with your DD (I dont exactly understand why). A quick Google search would show you lots of articles from psychologists how to explain Jesus being crucified to young child.

I also don't have an objection to them hearing about "what religions of the world believe" but this isn't presented like that. It is just Christian stuff.

YANBU. An all Christian nativity is just unacceptable. You could suggest to them that baby Jesus should be visited by Ganesh, Mohammed and Haile Selassie instead of 3 kings. I'm sure the nursery would love to receive your detailed improvements.

Children are exposed to all kinds of things. The school will have covered the story in what they considered an age appropriate way, and actually things like death come up in all kinds of stories, as does the issue of faith and belief in all kinds of things like God or fairies or Father Christmas or whatever.

Children hear this stuff and they ask questions - it is how they learn. The answers they hear and are able to hear and understand and are even interested in grow as they get older. So when they ask a big question, a full-scale answer isn't always needed, but something which helps them at that point is, and they might ask another question if they want to know more. It is absolutely right that they are exposed to stuff so they can ask and it is absolutely right that parents are prepared to give an answer - finding it difficult is usually the parents problem, not that of the school who have perhaps shown the issue.

There will be lots more questions - about where babies come from and death and life and different values and behaviours - and parents need to be prepared to listen and to give answers at an appropriate level.

The nativity play sounds fine, as does the message at the end. Removing all Christian heritage and stories at a time of year with a big tradition which goes back to the Christmas story for most people (regardless of whether some people see trading it back to pagan stories as important) is going to be very difficult and not something most people will be keen for. If you think that a range of religions aren't being covered in the school, raise that with school if you want to, but perhaps consider too what it is about this small child's questions which make you so uncomfortable and why you can't give honest answers to them at a level they can understand.

Op, are you doing that thing whereby people try to question stuff to appear clever and interesting?
Cos all of this could have been solved very simply. 1. When people die their bodies don't work any more. 2. No, we can't go and look for him, because he's not here any more, because he's dead. 3. Would you like a biscuit?

Antigonads

We do not celebrate any religious aspects of Christmas. We didn't get asked if she was okay to be in an explicitly religious play.

We stay away from religious themed things at the moment. DH was, as I mentioned, brought up in an intensely religious family and thinks it is damaging to children to be told religious stories before they have developed critical thinking skills and can properly sort out fact and fiction, which at 3yo, I don't think most children can.