Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think the teacher is wanting to see me about what I said on Facebook...

508 replies

TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 09:56

Do I have a leg to stand on?

One of the TA's has been disregarding my 7yo DC's hard work and he missed out on 'extra play' despite doing the work asked of him (I can go into more detail if needed).

This is reading that is done at home and written in a book for school.

The TA was counting the reads, in fact totally ignoring most of them.

I bought it up with her, she tried to explain which made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I played it over in my mind for 2 days and did not understand why they weren't counting all of my sons reads and why he was missing out. Reading doesn't come easy to him, he would rather not do it, it's a battle every day. Yet we do it, we record it, but it's not being ticked off by the TA (some is, some is ignored).

Still not understanding why 50% of it is ignored, I went on to the Facebook class page. It's a closed group of 20-30 parents. A closed and private group.

I posted a picture of his book and asked them to help me make sense of it. I don't understand??
Some other parents couldn't understand either.
I said I was really disappointed in the person who marked it. That I would mark it for them and add up his reads and do their job so they could see in black and white what work he had done. I haven't mentioned any names. It's happened to other kids too and they are missing out on 'extra play' as well despite doing the hard work.

DS has been in tears about this several times.

It wasn't an issue for the first 3 years at school and it wasn't a an issue for the 7 years my other DS was at this school. It's an issue now.

Now they have called me in for a meeting at 3pm - I cant make it today but I'm almost certain this is what it's about.
I think someone has reported me being annoyed with them and posting asking for advice about it on Facebook.

But surely I can ask for advice and express my disappointment (the only negative word I used, I was very careful!) no names mentioned?
I need to know if I've done something wrong here.

I'm still seriously fucked off them them so I held back what I really thought and just saved that information for my husband.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 11:43

Youngandfree yes I think that's it!

Baking101 yeah that's an option.

Ironically, last week when this happened I attempted to fill in the book on the correct day, I went to his bag and the book wasn't there because the ta had it!

Anyway, as I've posted since - they havent established which day the book is supposed to be in and marked, just that they mark them weekly. And since that's what we do, I'm not actually doing anything wrong at all.

However the thread has way moved on, it's information I've only just found and established and totally understand that no-one will believe me.

It has given me armour though, if that's what the meeting is about.

OP posts:
Usernumbers1234 · 12/12/2018 11:44

@ihatemyselffordoingthis

There’s a big difference between a verbal conversation not being recorded between two or more people in the playground or over a coffee and a post on social media accessible to multiple people, without tone or context.

Obviously school staff know people will discuss. But there’s a big difference between a private conversation and putting notice on the school notice board complaining (before giving the school any right of reply) which is essentially what OP did by putting it on Facebook.

viques · 12/12/2018 11:45

"I didn't mention names" well that's fine, because none of the parents on the closed class Facebook would know which of the many TAs in the class you were 'not discussing' by saying you were going to do their work for them......

OP can I suggest that you have reached the bottom of the barrel with this thread. Maybe come back to it after the meeting , that is if you still don't understand the very simple method of recording home reading that the school has implemented.

Original poster
TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 11:45

But yes I suppose when the TA is asked to tally up reading figures for the week it’s perfectly reasonable to have to come back and do yours on the following Monday.

Again, another person who doesn't understand.
Never once expected anyone to tick my sons book on a different day. Friday is perfect.
All I asked is for he work to be ticked.

OP posts:
FuckingYuleLog · 12/12/2018 11:46

I don’t agree with kids being rewarded for reading at home. But children need to do it to progress and clearly hanging the carrot of a reward doesn’t encourage some parents to do the reading. It’s a shame for the kids who don’t have support at home (or even someone who will sign their book and pretend they’ve read) and consistently miss out though.

echt · 12/12/2018 11:48

Welcome to MN, OP.

FuckingYuleLog · 12/12/2018 11:48

Op you want the ta to tick the previous weeks reading though which clearly isn’t the system that they have. You have said yourself if you fill it in on the correct day it will be ticked so why not just do it and save your child a whole lot of upset?

Fairenuff · 12/12/2018 11:49

I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't understand it.

Everyone here does understand it OP and we have explained it to you as clearly as we can.

Look at it this way. The marking is done at the end of the week.

Week 1 - Saturday 1st - Friday 7th

You will have recorded reading done on
Saturday 1st and Sunday 2nd

Week 2 - Saturday 8th - Friday 14th

You will have recorded reading done on

Monday 3rd, Tuesday 4th, Wednesday 5th, Thursday 6th

But these were all in week 1 and you are now in week 2 so they won't be counted.

Saturday 8th and Sunday 9th will be counted as they are in week 2.

I used to use different coloured pens for each week and put a little dash through days not filled in so that it was clear that when I marked records, I was marking what was actually there, not something that could be filled in later.

Usernumbers1234 · 12/12/2018 11:49

@nastyornice

He’s not being punished for it reading, he’s being punished for not following the schools set out systems.

I agree with you it’s harsh to punish the 7 year old and but the school has to at some point take a stand. I compare it with parents who are consistently late dropping their children off, how are the school supposed to remedy that, they can’t give the parents detention, so the child takes the punishment and hopefully inspires his parents to get him to school on time.

I’d also agree that punishing the child for the first failure is wrong, they should have a warning and then the parents spoken too before they lose “playtime”, but let’s be honest OP probably has been warned about this and just isn’t sharing it because it doesn’t fit her narrative.

Usernumbers1234 · 12/12/2018 11:50

*not reading, not “it reading”

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 12/12/2018 11:53

Am I the only one totally appalled that any child is being punished for not reading? Especially a 7yo child

No, I've already posted about this earlier in the thread.

Primary aged children should not be excluded from anything that occurs as a result of something done out of school. That includes reading or homework. Awards shouldn't be given for things out of their control such as walking to school, work at home or attendance. It's disgusting. I've fought against attendance awards in every school I've taught in and will continue to do so.

Reading is VERY important. It's not hard for a typical parent/carer to read for 10 minutes a day with their child and sign their reading record. However, some parents are not typical and their children should not be penalised. Appalling practise.

NastyorNice · 12/12/2018 11:54

@Usernumbers1234 - He’s not being punished for it reading, he’s being punished for not following the schools set out systems. I agree with you when you look at the detail - but he is 7.

He sees - "I don't read enough = I get punished."

And yes we could go into the semantics of the issue - that actually he is "not getting a reward" as opposed to being punished. But that will not console a 7 year old boy stuck inside when his mates are out playing.

What an appalling message to give to a child. Especially one who is a reluctant reader anyway. How to turn him off books for life!

titchy · 12/12/2018 11:55

OP you're being really unreasonable, and a bit of an arse.

If the reward is monthly as you say, would you think it reasonable to not bother to write anything in the reading record until the 28th of each month?

JustABetterPlayer · 12/12/2018 11:55

And you cannot possibly just fill it in while he’s reading because you are far too busy Hmm yet have plenty of time in your busy schedule for posting on a forum?.....

NastyorNice · 12/12/2018 11:55

@WhyDontYouComeOnOver sorry, I missed your post about it.

brizzledrizzle · 12/12/2018 11:56

He's being punished because his parents can't be bothered to follow the system. Therefore the parents need to choose between their child being punished or changing their system which doesn't work.

MissyCooper · 12/12/2018 11:57

I think the TA is clearly making a point.

Just fill the damn thing in when you’re supposed to. How hard is it.

Original poster
TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 11:59

Reading is VERY important. It's not hard for a typical parent/carer to read for 10 minutes a day with their child and sign their reading record. However, some parents are not typical and their children should not be penalised. Appalling practise.

I agree!!!
It's taken 2 months to establish why my son was missing out on the 'end of month' award and getting upset over it.

Yes I can change what we do now (we will, even though I don't think I'm being unreasonable) but for 2 months they punished my son for our mistake of writing down his readings on the wrong day of the week.
How is that fair?

Again, they STILL have never told me that I need to write them down on the Thursday this is my assumption.

OP posts:
FuckingYuleLog · 12/12/2018 11:59

Nah I reckon by 7 he’s old enough to understand he has done the reading and he’s being punished because the op isn’t filling the record in properly.

Original poster
TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 12:00

yet have plenty of time in your busy schedule for posting on a forum?.....

YUP! Grin my maternity leave started this week. Lovely having time to post on a forum!

OP posts:
dinosaurglitterrepublic · 12/12/2018 12:00

Looking at what you have posted about the written information, it’s fair enough to say that the police isn’t clearly outlined. You can of course say that it doesn’t tell you what day of the week they are marked. It says they are reviewed weekly, but doesn’t specifically state that only the previous week’s work with be marked. If you could go back in time to when you first raised this with the TA, I would probably be on your side.

But in addition to this information, you have since been specifically told it is done on a Friday and looked at on a weekly basis where the previous week’s work is marked only. You can also infer this knowledge from looking at the marking system on the reading record you showed us. By the time you have all this information, you can no longer just say ‘hey, the written info isn’t clear’ as you now have all this supplementary info. If you now refuse to do it on a Thursday, you are wrong.

Feel free to challenge the system in the meeting and say that you think all work within the last month up until the date of the month end reward should me marked irrespective of the date it is added. They can answer you whether this is something they can accommodate. You then have a firm answer and can move on with your life.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 12/12/2018 12:01

There's lots of things wrong here and not just with the FB post. I absolutely don't think you should've criticised the TA on FB. You haven't really a defence here and I wouldn't give one . You were looking for advice but then you went too far. BUT.. if you have what we would call a reluctant reader the last thing the school should be doing is putting them off reading altogether. I have no idea why they wouldn't count reading done. If a parent is actually going to find a way that helps their child read (and plenty don't bother) then the school should not be punishing that child for it. If they do this to a 7 year old reluctant reader they are failing that child. There is no one size fits all way to get a child to learn and the schools should know this. It's a conversation to have with the teacher.

TeaStory · 12/12/2018 12:02

This thread has only been up for a couple of hours and we’ve all understood it... yet it’s taken you two months?

TheDarkPassenger · 12/12/2018 12:03

Don’t go in their like you’re being told off. Go in with your head held high and make it clear you’re glad it’s being taken seriously now

Fairenuff · 12/12/2018 12:05

Again, they STILL have never told me that I need to write them down on the Thursday this is my assumption.

No, you don't write them on a Thursday. You record it each time you read.

Am I not saying it right?