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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think the teacher is wanting to see me about what I said on Facebook...

508 replies

TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 09:56

Do I have a leg to stand on?

One of the TA's has been disregarding my 7yo DC's hard work and he missed out on 'extra play' despite doing the work asked of him (I can go into more detail if needed).

This is reading that is done at home and written in a book for school.

The TA was counting the reads, in fact totally ignoring most of them.

I bought it up with her, she tried to explain which made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I played it over in my mind for 2 days and did not understand why they weren't counting all of my sons reads and why he was missing out. Reading doesn't come easy to him, he would rather not do it, it's a battle every day. Yet we do it, we record it, but it's not being ticked off by the TA (some is, some is ignored).

Still not understanding why 50% of it is ignored, I went on to the Facebook class page. It's a closed group of 20-30 parents. A closed and private group.

I posted a picture of his book and asked them to help me make sense of it. I don't understand??
Some other parents couldn't understand either.
I said I was really disappointed in the person who marked it. That I would mark it for them and add up his reads and do their job so they could see in black and white what work he had done. I haven't mentioned any names. It's happened to other kids too and they are missing out on 'extra play' as well despite doing the hard work.

DS has been in tears about this several times.

It wasn't an issue for the first 3 years at school and it wasn't a an issue for the 7 years my other DS was at this school. It's an issue now.

Now they have called me in for a meeting at 3pm - I cant make it today but I'm almost certain this is what it's about.
I think someone has reported me being annoyed with them and posting asking for advice about it on Facebook.

But surely I can ask for advice and express my disappointment (the only negative word I used, I was very careful!) no names mentioned?
I need to know if I've done something wrong here.

I'm still seriously fucked off them them so I held back what I really thought and just saved that information for my husband.

AIBU?

OP posts:
EllenJanesthickerknickers · 12/12/2018 12:06

It is extremely arsey and unacceptable to discuss on a FB page your personal gripes about an unnamed but obviously identifiable member of staff. I was on my DCs primary school FB group and am on the secondary school FB group. The administrators made it completely clear that complaints should be taken up with the school. The FB page was for asking about dates, times, lost property, lost homework sheets etc.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of your argument, and I can't see many rights, complaining on a semi-public forum is never acceptable.

dippledorus · 12/12/2018 12:09

Why can’t you just fill it in whilst your son is doing his reading every night ?

dangerinthemanger · 12/12/2018 12:10

It’s not fair that your child was punished but the fault was yours. schools have rules and tbh it’s much easier to follow them.

Uabvvvu

MissEliza · 12/12/2018 12:12

You need to record reading when you do it. The teacher has many pupils in the class and needs you to help her by keeping up to date records. I'm saying that as a TA.
Facebook is not a way to air grievances with the school. I've seen things really go to shit because of school Facebook groups.

Nanny0gg · 12/12/2018 12:12

Stuff how they mark it, the child shouldn't be rewarded or punished for something outside his control!

HighSchoolHelp · 12/12/2018 12:13

I get your point completely! This would also do my head in, but as a foreigner, I always assume it’s a box-ticking exercise I just don’t get because I wasn’t born here 😊.

If the child has read, the child has read. Surely that’s what counts. The TA can see the chart was filled in. He will not progress any more or less if he read in exactly the week they are ticking off?!
Mind boggling to me, but I can see I am in the minority in siding with the OP.

Although I would have kept facebook out of it, and taken it up with TA and/or teacher instead.

Sometimes you just have to go along with the system whilst thinking everyone must be mad apart from me 😉

MrsWombat · 12/12/2018 12:16

You are very wrong to expect the school to work out your son's "points" retrospectively after the deadline. If you were unhappy with the TAs response to you querying it, you should have taken it further with the teacher or SLT rather than posting about it on social media. Ask the office for a copy of their complains procedure and follow it.

However, with something as important as this, where children's rewards and sanctions are at the mercy of their parents ability to following instructions, the school needs to clarify things very clearly. You could ask them to put the deadline and the days it covers in writing to you, as you don't seem to be understanding what a hundred mumsnetters are telling you. Confused

Deadline: Thursday 13th December AM - covers Friday 7th - Weds 12th
Deadline: Thursday 20th December AM - covers Friday 14th - Weds 19th

If the reading record is missing on a Weds night then the whole class would be missing and the TA would know that she needed to include that day when she next did the records.

Youngandfree · 12/12/2018 12:16

I don’t think the term weekly is hard to understand a school week is Monday-Friday (however they also include the weekend in reading) if I said we have a spelling test WEEKLY then the spellings are given on s Monday and tested in a Friday, same kind of idea. I don’t understand why people need this spelled out for them!! Surely just thinking logically about it gets you to a clear answer??

Secondly it is not a PUNISHMENT system it is a REWARD system. Do the reading=reward time.

Youngandfree · 12/12/2018 12:18

@Fairenuff yes you are right that’s how it is normally done, not blocked in at the last minute 🙄

Usernumbers1234 · 12/12/2018 12:19

@nastyornice

Don’t disagree - but what is the solution, do we just allow 7 year olds not to read? Do we just allow parents to drop children into school when they feel like it. There has to be some kind of sanction, and I can’t see any other practical way of doing it.

Agree entirely that it shouldn’t be the first course of action and a parent should be given the chance to correct it, but I suspect that conversation has already been had and OP is keeping that to themselves.

Youngandfree · 12/12/2018 12:20

Tbh OP I think you need to go in there and apologize (blame pregnancy/baby brain if you want) and tell them you have looked it over and you understand now that you just need to fill it in every night so your son is happy.

Usernumbers1234 · 12/12/2018 12:23

OP - your insistence that doing it in a Thursday in block is equally daft.

The reading log is not there to check on you on a weekly basis, it’s for the staff to build on on a daily basis. whenever staff sit down to read with your son they look at that record and talk about it “hey Jonny, do you read the last bit of the gruffalo last night, tell me about it”

Is a lot more useful to work with than “hey Jonny, your mum put a series of ditto marks down last Thursday about a book you started at the beginning of the month, can you cast your mind back a week so we can talk about it”

brizzledrizzle · 12/12/2018 12:24

YUP! grin my maternity leave started this week. Lovely having time to post on a forum!

Then you won't have any problem correctly filling in his reading record on the right day will you? Problem solved.

Oswin · 12/12/2018 12:28

I was gonna say yabu but I've changed my mind.
They have never said they will be checked Thursday. Why don't they check it every Monday? Or even Friday.
And if she's forgetting to hand books back then of course they will be marked retrospectively.

Confusedbeetle · 12/12/2018 12:32

Facebook is the work of the devil

raspberryTrousers · 12/12/2018 12:33

Please stop using reads as a noun.

And grow up. I think the first few posters covered it.

olivertwistwantsmore · 12/12/2018 12:42

We make a note on the white board each night and write them all out on Saturday. That's why they don't get counted.

If we wrote them all out on the Thursday, they would all get counted.

Well, why not just write down the reads on the day the teacher has asked you to?? I don't see why this is so difficult.

And it is unprofessional to post your dc's book on FB and complain. It's obvious you're complaining about the teacher or TA, isn't it?

olivertwistwantsmore · 12/12/2018 12:45

This thread is the actual definition of a mountain out of a molehill. Don't be that parent, OP. Just write in the book each time you read with your dc.

BoglingToAswad · 12/12/2018 12:50

Please stop using reads as a noun.

I read through this whole bloody thread thinking that Grin.

deplorabelle · 12/12/2018 12:51

The instructions say do reading and record every night. Therefore if the record is checked ANY day and the reads recorded, it should be up to date.

I don't think the reward structure is very good at all - three weeks of reading should still count even if the fourth week is missed IMO.

But that isn't what you asked about. It's completely absurd to record the reading separately and add it later unless the ta has the book. If you are recording daily the ta can understand why entries might be missing if she has the book and they won't cause any problem.

It is good practice to keep the record book with the reading book. If he's consistently reading one book beginning to end before changing it then, again, the reading record will work perfectly and there will be no need for all this angst.

You don't need inside info on the workings of the classroom if you follow the system!!

FuckingYuleLog · 12/12/2018 12:57

So you have time to write on a whiteboard but not in his book?

Mummyshark2018 · 12/12/2018 12:57

If it's been such and issue for 2 months and you're all obviously very upset by it then why wouldn't you make sure you record in it every night-prioritise it over something else that takes 1minute. Recording at the end of the weekly does not seem truthful. How can you remember how your child read 6 nights ago- what he read, how many pages, tricky words, understanding of the book. I struggle to remember what my dc read last night! I think you're being unreasonable about this and to mouth off on social media is imo immature.

crochetmonkey74 · 12/12/2018 12:59

my time is more important than yours

as with so many things these days
(yes I know I sound like a grumpy old B**stard)
This is what it all boils down to.

JennieP77 · 12/12/2018 13:01

I would take the line - you did try to discuss it with the staff first but got no-where so asked for advice from other parents in the class. I would have done exactly the same. Brush off the FB thing if they do raise it - it's a closed group and not open to the public, it's a platform for class parents and not teachers and in fact you were under the impression the contents would be confidential, under GDPR, perhaps there should be a pinned note on the group to say that anything said may be reported back to school! Just be firm that your only interest is to ensure that your child isn't being penalised unduly. Good luck! xx

ceecee32 · 12/12/2018 13:01

I hate to ask an obvious question that might have already been answered but have read nearly all of the threads

You say that you write the reading each night on your white board and transfer it at weekend.

If you are putting it on the white board why cant you just write it in the book ? Same amount of effort surely