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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not pay for lesson

258 replies

Tunsey · 11/12/2018 15:01

My DS goes to music lessons each week. He really enjoys it and he likes his tutor. The tutor runs a private business and asks for notice if we’re unable to attend (fair enough). So, when we’ve had school trips or holidays we’ve always given him at leat two weeks notice that DS won’t be attending.

However on two separate occasions we missed the lesson because of a traffic accident and bad traffic. So I called to let him know, apologising but obviously letting the tutor know that circumstances are out of our control. On both occasions he’s been rather rude saying we don’t value his time. On the second occasion he said that we’d need to pay for the lesson we’ve missed.

I don’t think that right because a) he’s never stated this before; b) my DS has been having lessons for over 18 months; and c) we can’t control traffic.

Am I being unreasonable- should I pay for the missed lesson?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tunsey · 11/12/2018 15:59

Ha ha to I can’t manage the school run! Of course I can. But I can’t control traffic.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 11/12/2018 16:00

OP: AIBU
Everyone: YES
OP: no, I’m not yada yada yada

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/12/2018 16:00

So you book his lessons for later allowing for traffic delays.

QuantumPixies · 11/12/2018 16:00

Ha ha to I can’t manage the school run! Of course I can. But I can’t control traffic.

If it’s happened twice, you know the traffic can be bad and should allow more time to get there.

BatsAreCool · 11/12/2018 16:01

My DC doesn’t recieve that type of service.

Right, so because you didn't get the responses you wanted suddenly he is a rubbish tutor. If he doesn't provide you with a good service why haven't you gone somewhere else? although if you don't pay that decision might be taken out of your hands anyway

sickmumma · 11/12/2018 16:01

Umm yes you should pay! Even with two weeks notice for a holiday you should be paying...

Original poster
Tunsey · 11/12/2018 16:02

Seems to me like some of you live in quite remote places with no traffic! Thank you for all of your opinions - especially those that took the time to explain more eloquently than others!

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 11/12/2018 16:02

So what are you booking lessons for a time that makes it difficult to get there? I think it’s fairly obvious that you offer to pay in situations like this.

YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 11/12/2018 16:02

Of course you should pay! Why should the tutor be out of pocket?

Original poster
Tunsey · 11/12/2018 16:02

Didn’t say rubbish tutor. My DC really likes him.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 11/12/2018 16:03

Seems to me like some of you live in quite remote places with no traffic!

I love semi rurally. We can frequently get caught behind tractors, flocks of sheep etc. I therefore leave early to ensure I’m on time. If I’m late I don’t try and con and innocent person out of money.

QuantumPixies · 11/12/2018 16:03

Confused I live in a big city. I allow extra time for traffic.

You don’t get it, do you?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/12/2018 16:04

Seems to me like some of you live in quite remote places with no traffic!

Or we understand sometimes there are traffic delays and factor that in to the time we would book lessons for.

Quartz2208 · 11/12/2018 16:04

Yep of course you do

For ours we pay in advance any missed that is our fault we pay for (sickness other stuff) for parties we try to rearrange so its not missed

When the place was shut/she had to rearrange the location (not feasible) or visiting her newborn grandchild she refunded

The onus is you to get there

BatsAreCool · 11/12/2018 16:06

Seems to me like some of you live in quite remote places with no traffic!

I am often stuck in traffic. When I commit to anything I make sure I leave with lots of contingency for hold ups or I don't make appointments that I might not be able to keep if the 'traffic is bad'. If something very bad happened like the road got closed then I would apologise and pay for the missed appointments.

I used to wonder why places like dentists, which still make you pay for missed appointments, often have three strikes and you are out. I now know it's because of people like the OP who honestly think they don't have to pay.

PurpleDaisies · 11/12/2018 16:07

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

Why don’t you just admit you are in the wrong here?

StroppyWoman · 11/12/2018 16:10

YABVU

JinglingHellsbells · 11/12/2018 16:13

@Tunsey
I had parents who would drive 10 miles or further each way to me for their child's lessons. Occasionally they would be very late due to traffic (accidents etc.) We'd either have a very short lesson or they would sometimes call and abandon even trying to get to me. If they were far too late, they would not expect a refund.

It's one of those events where some discretion comes in; for me, if it was a committed parent who had been coming to me for years and I was feeling generous, I'd waive the fee perhaps once.

I'd not do it time after time for traffic.

I had clear T&Cs that were given out with my invoice each half term.

I did not refund for holidays taken in term time or parties after school.

Those to me, where the parents' choice. I might waive the fee or re-arrange for things like compulsory school events- like an options evening, or a school play.

I am not exaggerating here, but if I 'lost' 5 lessons in a week through illness, parties, holidays, etc that would have been a loss to me of £200.

Maybe you need to ask the teacher to draw up some clear T&Cs so you all know what's what.

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 11/12/2018 16:15

I have to agree with the previous posters - you owe him for the lesson.

The traffic conditions aren't your fault, but nor are they his. It's your responsibility to get your DS there in good time.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 11/12/2018 16:16

This must be a wind up. Nobody would think they wouldn’t have to pay for a lesson when they arrived late due to traffic surely?

RB68 · 11/12/2018 16:17

If for unforseeable reasons you miss the lesson then you pay for it - as soon as you know ring and communicate an ask if its possible to have a later lesson or another day - they may allow you to do this but it is a favour therefore act grateful etc.

Its unfortunate but if there is an accident or increased traffic its just one of those things. The poor tutor should of course still get his money whichever way it goes.

Kewcumber · 11/12/2018 16:17

Crikey this ISN'T a reverse!?

If I were him I'd bill you for each half term in advance. And maybe you attange the lesson a bit later if you can.

prh47bridge · 11/12/2018 16:18

You accept that it isn't his fault you couldn't get there on time and say it isn't yours either, yet you want him to be penalised financially for your lateness.

If you refuse to pay and he takes you to the small claims court he will win. The court won't care whether or not it was your fault you didn't get your son to the lesson. You booked a lesson and agreed the fee. The tutor was available to take the lesson and prepared to do so at the appointed time. He fulfilled his part of the bargain. You are therefore liable. You can argue all you like that it isn't your fault that you didn't get your son there in time for the lesson. The judge won't be interested.

Laiste · 11/12/2018 16:25

If you work OP, imagine you don't get paid until your boss walks into the building ... and he keeps being late.

And then when you get annoyed and ask him to stop being late he and says ''Ha ha, school run, traffic, no control over it''.

You'd laugh along happily and carry on losing out on your wages and agree how shit the traffic is in towns? I bet not.

GodrestyemerrySchadenfreud · 11/12/2018 16:25

Thank you also music teachers for your comments. I appreciate the time and effort you seem to put into your sessions. My DC doesn’t recieve that type of service

I'm sorry - but how do you know how much time and effort this particular tutor puts into the lessons?

You have said that your DS enjoys them - that's half the battle and will keep him motivated to practise and to enjoy his music. That's a HUGE bonus!