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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wallet stolen at school Christmas Fair. AIBU to not tell them

140 replies

onegiftedgal · 10/12/2018 20:53

...that I saw who took it? I'm not sure what to do as the chair of the PTA took the wallet when she saw it lying on the ground.
She put it in her bag and hasn't mentioned it even though the Dad in question has sent a whole school message asking if anyone has found it.
She doesn't realise that anyone saw her but what can I say/do as she would obviously not be likely to own up or give the wallet back now even if I did say something.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 10/12/2018 20:55

Of course you have to tell them what you saw

CharlesChickens · 10/12/2018 20:55

Gosh how difficult. You could say in a straightforward way to the Dad, “oh Mrs so and so picked it up, i expect she has forgotten to give it to you “ .

Boredspice · 10/12/2018 20:56

Yes you need to say something!

StoneofDestiny · 10/12/2018 20:56

Tell her you saw her.

Allthewaves · 10/12/2018 20:56

I'd send a breezy message that you think you saw X picking up the wallet and to check with her.

ChristmasFlary · 10/12/2018 20:57

Good suggestions from above

Thiswayorthatway · 10/12/2018 20:57

Of course you have to say something, that's theft. How would uou feel if it was your purse?

Hassled · 10/12/2018 20:57

Oh that's really tricky - if you're the lone voice saying that you saw trusted person steal it, would you be believed? Is there any sort of relationship between PTA Thief and Wallet Dad? Do they know each other? I'm wondering if there was a reason she took it which wasn't just straightforward theft.

Alwaysdrama · 10/12/2018 20:59

Forward her his email (yes I know she would have received it anyway) with a message from you saying ‘I’ve just seen this email from MrX - is this the wallet you found at the fair?’ And leave it at that.

cantkeepawayforever · 10/12/2018 20:59

Could you send a message to e.g. the Head, or your child's teacher, saying 'I know X says their wallet disappeared at the Christmas Fair. I saw Y picking up a similar wallet from the floor in Z position at around A time - it may not be the same wallet but might be worth investigating?'

then some quiet behind-the-scenes discussion could take place, and perhaps the wallet be found, without there having to be any public 'calling out' of the culprit? Even if it isn't traced, it perhaps warns the school to be a little careful in thinking about the behaviour and responsiblities of the PTA chair - occupants of this position do have the opportunity to handle and 'acquire' quite a lot of cash if they are criminally inclined.

Angrybird345 · 10/12/2018 21:01

Say to the chair it’s lucky she found the wallet otherwise it could have been stolen! Bb

cantkeepawayforever · 10/12/2018 21:01

(A Google of 'PTA theft' shows that PTA chairs / treasuers can and do steal money from schools on quite a large scale, so a school will thank you for alerting them to a potential issue with the PTA chair's probity)

BumbleyBum · 10/12/2018 21:02

Shock oh goodness. You must say something.

greendale17 · 10/12/2018 21:02

Seriously why are you questioning what you should do? Do the right thing and tell someone what you saw.

PenrodPooch · 10/12/2018 21:03

I'd go with always email idea, definitely say something

Baking101 · 10/12/2018 21:03

Of course you should say something. Why wouldn't you? Would you be happy with someone stealing from you?

Myshinynewname · 10/12/2018 21:06

Why would you keep it to yourself? If you saw her take it you really must say something.

Blondielongie · 10/12/2018 21:07

What alwaysdrama said. But also CC the dad in.

museumum · 10/12/2018 21:07

Definitely say something but definitely don’t accuse her of stealing!!!

Just say to him or publicly that you think you saw her finding it or one very like it.

Starlight456 · 10/12/2018 21:07

Someone has also lost their wallet . It has personal items as well as money they may need for Christmas.

I like the first posters suggestions. Head can make hr own assumptions from their

MadeForThis · 10/12/2018 21:13

I agree.

Send her the email and ask her if it's the wallet she found. Mr x will be so relieved.

Hwory · 10/12/2018 21:14

Defo tell on her

SauvignonBlanche · 10/12/2018 21:16

Tell someone, assuming that she hasn’t seen the messages.

ShesABelter · 10/12/2018 21:16

I'd just tag her in the post and say seen you picking up a wallet from the floor don't suppose it was this one?.

Menolly · 10/12/2018 21:16

Has the Dad's message gone via the school? i'm just wondering if there is any chance PTA mum has actually handed it in to the office, who can only contact parents through official means not through things like PTA and unofficial social media, so may be waiting for him to come to the office and ask.

If it's not that and you don't feel confident speaking up at least quietly let the head know, chair of the PTA has access to a lot of money and if they aren't above pinching someones wallet they probably aren't above stealing from the school either.