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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wallet stolen at school Christmas Fair. AIBU to not tell them

140 replies

onegiftedgal · 10/12/2018 20:53

...that I saw who took it? I'm not sure what to do as the chair of the PTA took the wallet when she saw it lying on the ground.
She put it in her bag and hasn't mentioned it even though the Dad in question has sent a whole school message asking if anyone has found it.
She doesn't realise that anyone saw her but what can I say/do as she would obviously not be likely to own up or give the wallet back now even if I did say something.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 10/12/2018 21:17

Send a public reply saying that you think saw X find the wallet, and put it behind the stall she was running for safekeeping.

How long has she had to reply? Is she definitely keeping quiet?

Lynne45 · 10/12/2018 21:17

You have to say something!

Stompythedinosaur · 10/12/2018 21:17

I would definitely say! I'd say it in a group message if possible so it is harder for her to deny.

shearwater · 10/12/2018 21:20

She may not have seen the whole school email yet.

OlennasWimple · 10/12/2018 21:21

Don't message her directly - just tell the school and the dad that you saw Mrs PTA picking up a similar wallet after the fair

It could well be that she's genuinely forgotten to hand it in, given how busy this time of year is for many PTA folk. Or it's on the head's desk and she's similarly forgotten to give it to the office to be returned

Doesn't mean that she's a thief (though I admit it doesn't look great for her)

Cachailleacha · 10/12/2018 21:22

YABVU if you don't tell them. Easy to phrase it in such a way that you are not accusing them of stealing.

Original poster
onegiftedgal · 10/12/2018 21:24

Thank you, some great suggestions. It's not that I want to keep it to myself but all of a sudden, it looks like I'm the trouble maker - if that makes sense. Either way, it's going to come back to sit with me isn't it?
But you're right, I'd want to know if it had been my purse.
I always seem to be in the wrong (or right?) place at the wrong time as the summer fair before last, I also witnessed the previous chair of the PTA 'covering' the hamper raffle stall. She was filling out loads of tickets for herself and shoving them in the barrel. No money seemed to be going in the float. Guess what, she won the top prize.
It makes me so sad and mad that parents can do this. I really don't want to be donating to these events anymore. Even the wine etc gets nabbed by the 'committee'.

OP posts:
bringbackthestripes · 10/12/2018 21:25

Are you sure it was his wallet you saw her pick up? Did it match the emailed description or something?

If you answer publicly just be vague as in “ Mrs X was the wallet I saw you pick up the one dad is asking about?”

Dollymixture22 · 10/12/2018 21:26

Keep it light. You may have seen her pick something else up - don’t accuse. Just say you thought the wallet might have been found by mrs xxx and maybe they should check.

Ledkr · 10/12/2018 21:28

Wow. I really shocked about this but wondering if I should be! I've never in 30 years of having school age kids seen anything like this 😲

Langhamlife · 10/12/2018 21:28

Yabu if you don’t say anything about this.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 10/12/2018 21:29

That money could be the difference as to whether or not his kids eat this week. If they can pay this months rent/mortgage. If they can heat their home. With all respect op. If it was a "chav" parent you saw pick up the wallet. Rather than a member of the PTA You'd be opening your mouth.

DNAwrangler · 10/12/2018 21:33

How do you know it was his wallet she picked up?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 10/12/2018 21:37

It's called deduction DNAwrangler.

agedknees · 10/12/2018 21:39

You have to say something. If she’s taken the wallet it’s wrong. Totally wrong.

DNAwrangler · 10/12/2018 21:42

I disagree Diana. Could've been her own wallet. I mean, if you're going to accuse someone of stealing, you need to be sure. Likely the OP is sure, but pays to check.

VisitorsEntrance · 10/12/2018 21:43

How do you know it was his wallet she picked up?

Exactly why the message should be something like ‘I saw Mrs X picking up a wallet, could that be it?’

lifecouldbeadream · 10/12/2018 21:46

OP, your PTA sound a nightmare- I was heavily involved, and never saw anything like this at ours.

DNAwrangler · 10/12/2018 21:49

Even then, there'd need to be something more than just picking up a wallet imo.

Eg, if OP turns around and sees PTA head bending down to pick up a wallet, not enough to send the (pretty incriminating!) email.

But if OP is sitting drinking her gluhwein and sees PTA head stroll over to wallet and pick it up, fair enough for the email.

hen10 · 10/12/2018 21:49

Assume the best and you've nothing to worry about. It may be that she's picked it up and either handed it in or forgotten all about it and hasn't seen the messages. Just a quick note along the lines of could that be the one that so and so picked up will be fine.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 10/12/2018 21:50

I would keep it fairly light with the 'was this the wallet you found? approach unless you think she was furtively trying to steal it. A PTA chair at a Christmas fair barely has time to breathe so she may have picked it up for safekeeping and forgotten it.

Terfing · 10/12/2018 21:51

I would send him a anonymous email from a throwaway account not linked to you. Tell him that you saw her with it

Witchend · 10/12/2018 21:51

It isn't deduction. It's a guess.
One person has lost a wallet.
One person picked up a lost wallet.

Most wallets I've seen can be described as brown, small, and contains money. I work in a building where we sometimes get handed lost wallets. Often after we've had a wallet handed in someone will ask about their lost wallet.
Outside description could easily be the same. So we ask what's inside the wallet. Then we can identify that it is or isn't the same one.

It's fair enough to ask if it's the same one. But it's more than possible it's another wallet.
It's also possible she looked in the wallet, saw the name and thought "oh yes, I know him, I'll give it back when I see him." Then things got busy, and she chucked the bag with a load of other stuff in the boot of her car totally forgetting about it. Then she'll be grateful that the Op has contacted her.

Rhiannon13 · 10/12/2018 21:56

You could say in a straightforward way to the Dad, “oh Mrs so and so picked it up, i expect she has forgotten to give it to you “.

This. As it's the most likely explanation.

whataboutbob · 10/12/2018 21:56

What if the PTA are all on mumsnet?!!