Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wallet stolen at school Christmas Fair. AIBU to not tell them

140 replies

onegiftedgal · 10/12/2018 20:53

...that I saw who took it? I'm not sure what to do as the chair of the PTA took the wallet when she saw it lying on the ground.
She put it in her bag and hasn't mentioned it even though the Dad in question has sent a whole school message asking if anyone has found it.
She doesn't realise that anyone saw her but what can I say/do as she would obviously not be likely to own up or give the wallet back now even if I did say something.

OP posts:
BorisAndDoris · 11/12/2018 07:28

Agreed. Finding a wallet would make me bump all of my important jobs down the list. As a member of the PTA she would know the teachers and could easily have handed it off to a member of staff in seconds for the owner to be contacted.

Someone asked why being the PTA head was mentioned? Well I would assume that they being on the PTA they were, in part, an organiser for this event (not to mention in a position of trust) and as such, would be expected to do something about a found wallet even if it is giving it to someone else in charge.

oblada · 11/12/2018 07:36

You should say sth asap! It's hurley worrying to lose a wallet and causes all sort of stress! It's ridiculous that you're even considering delaying/saying something.

multivac · 11/12/2018 07:49

would be expected to do something about a found wallet even if it is giving it to someone else in charge

Surely that's what one would expect any grown up to do. Including the OP, who instead seems to think it's more useful to post on mumsnet about it.

UnleashTheBulsara · 11/12/2018 07:54

OK, suppose she did pick it up with the intention to hand it to the owner.

But if after this time, what with the emails about there being a lost wallet and has anyone seen it, she should have returned said wallet intact. If she has not, she may intend to not return it to its rightful owner and you would now be a WITNESS to theft. In which case you absolutely do have to say something.

You can still keep it non-committal without openly branding PTA chair a thief

EmeraldShamrock · 11/12/2018 08:01

Oh how awful for you, I agree you need to say something, not sure how and to who. I would be a coward and probably tell the DH, say I seen X lift something off the ground. If you go to her first she may lie, or have dropped her purse at a similar time, once you speak to her it will be a accusation. Are you 100% you seen her with the wallet.
You have my sympathy I hate getting dragged into issues.

Hippywannabe · 11/12/2018 08:06

Oh for heaven's sake, set up a new gmail account. Lay out exactly what you saw, email the Head and explain you don't want to get involved unless you have to but that you will if it isn't resolved.
The longer you leave it, the more problems will arise.
The Head is paid a lot of money to sort out problems. He/she can then have a quiet word with Chair.

UhUhUhDennis · 11/12/2018 08:11

Message her and copy in the dad and say "pretty sure PTA lady picked a wallet up and isn't aware it's missing,copied her in so you can reply to each other, good luck hopefully it's yours!" Lots of emojis....

Oldraver · 11/12/2018 08:17

Taking aside the possibility that it may of been her own wallet.

If it was Saturday and she hasn't handed it in then it's dodgy.

We find purses/bags all the time at my place of work and we always look to see whose it is and tannoy that person.

No bloody excuse if you know the person

Hoppinggreen · 11/12/2018 08:19

If I found a wallet I would be frantic until I gave it to the person who owned it or The Head so it could be locked in the school safe.
(I’m a PTA Chair by the way)

Tinkobell · 11/12/2018 08:38

I would do 2 things

  1. contact the woman - say you saw it and presumably she's planning on getting it back asap
  2. contact the man afterwards Plan on approaching her together if needed as a united front. Act very quickly ......don't delay.
eurochick · 11/12/2018 08:45

I agree with emailing the Head. If the PTA woman is dishonest, she should know. If it's an honest mistake, she can sort it out.

Rudgie47 · 11/12/2018 08:47

As well as contacting the woman who picked up the purse and the Dad I would contact the headteacher and just say what I saw. Then I would let them all sort it out themselves.

zingally · 11/12/2018 08:55

Unfortunately, you hear about treasurers and Chairs stealing money all the time!
My aunt and uncle live in a very rural location, where the local church is central to the community, and the locals all chip in to keep it open and running... They found out a few years back that the treasurer had been diddling thousands of pounds from the accounts!! She was confronted, and promised to pay it back.
For some reason I've never understood, the community decided not to report her to the police... And she still DARES to show her face there! I honestly couldn't believe it! This wasn't just a few pounds here and there, this was THOUSANDS, over YEARS.

starfishmummy · 11/12/2018 08:55

What Hopppinggreen says.

I'd grab a witness, open it to check for the owners name on any cards and if I knew them would get it back to them straight away. If not it would be handed in to someone who could lock it away safely.

LordPickle · 11/12/2018 09:13

I don't understand the need for cloak and dagger stuff. If you don't feel comfortable speaking to the PTA woman or telling the man, then just speak to the Head and ask them to keep your name out of it.

What you cannot do is nothing. Its Christmas. This poor chap may have had a lot of money in his wallet and PTA lady has decided to keep quiet so she can have his cash which makes it theft and as PP said, you're a witness. Don't sit on this.

buckeejit · 11/12/2018 09:19

Speak to dad, then in a while mention it to head

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 11/12/2018 09:33

Being charitable, the OP saw this incident as it happened last night and now it's just after breakfast so there's a good chance that the PTA thief has't been on fb overnight to see any messages, she will spot them now/soon and everything will be fine

on the less charitable side, why would she not just have picked up the wallet and opened it, there and then to see who it belonged to. Putting it in her bag is very shady behaviour imo
Finding anything like that, any ordinary person would go "oh whose is this" all the while holding it at arm's length for fear of being branded a stealer! Then opening it to check for ID with as many witnesses as possible to ensure they don't get accused of emptying out any cash.

Avegemitesandwich · 11/12/2018 09:38

Yes, I'm another who doesn't get what the fuss is about. Just say in a shared message or whatever, 'Oh PTA lady, I saw you pick up a wallet on Saturday, could it be this one'?

Or if you don't want to do that, just email the head.

I'm very non confrontational, but even I wouldn't be wringing my hands over this, I would just message.

BorisAndDoris · 11/12/2018 11:30

I agree that saying it in a breezy, helpful way publicly is the way to go. Oh [tagged PTA Chair's name], I saw you find a wallet, could it be this chap's? I would be lovely to get it back to him! So nice when it all turns out well."

Original poster
onegiftedgal · 11/12/2018 12:00

Well, I spoke to lost wallet's wife at drop off this morning and told her what I had seen and where I think the wallet might be.
Fast forward a couple of hours to now and she has just messaged me to thank me because she has 'contacted' the PTA chair who (bearing in mind that this is 3 days later) said that she'd just check in her bag (I mean how large is her handbag!) and oh, my goodness it was in there, how silly of her!
They are friends as well (although surely this will frost things a little) and I now see that an email has been sent out to the whole school to inform them that dad has now 'found' his wallet so all is well. The cheek of it still that the chair must have asked the wife to not mention it and make it out that the dad had misplaced it!
Ouch for the PTA chair - how embarrassing and I'm not sure how she is going to be able to continue in this role.
Personally I am happy that I could help the Dad to get his wallet back and that I didn't have to have a confrontation, but the whole episode has left a very sour taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
EscapeTheCastle · 11/12/2018 12:27

I love a happy ending, thank you for up dating us, and well done for saying something. Totally understand why this was getting awkward!

Kickassbitch · 11/12/2018 12:32

I would say who picked it up on the presumption that they had intended to had it in at the school office. Clearly they have not, but by mentioning the person with the above presumption would sound less accusing.

There will clearly be questions asked as to why she 'forgot'.

PattiStanger · 11/12/2018 12:38

That's not a happy ending!

You now know that the PTA chair is quite likely to be a thief

Kickassbitch · 11/12/2018 12:38

Sorry, just saw the post above, what a chance!r. Hopefully the people who need to will be watching her more closely. I bet there have been a few conversations behind closed doors, so call mistakes like that are easily seen through, there will always be an element of doubt now about her integrity.

DaysOfCurlySpencer · 11/12/2018 12:47

She 'forgot' she had put it in her bag but if it had been some keys no doubt they would have been handed in straight away.