Not picking people up for xmas?

[StephenQueenBooks]

I have been asked to pick up my brother, sil and their two kids (3 and 2) on Xmas day as they can't drive/get public transport. I don't drink so fine with this as my mum wants a tipple (I live with her just out of uni).

When I spoke to my brother about it last night I said we should all fit in even with the carseats and he said he didn't have any.

I told him I'm not having two toddlers in my car not in carseats because it's not safe and I don't want the fine. I said you either get car seats or you'll have to come a different day when you can get the bus. My mum is backing me up however him and my sil are annoyed saying it's their children and they don't mind them sitting on their knees.

Aibu to say no carseats, no lift? I've only just started driving last month and lifts are the bane of my life!

Do not do this. If you are driving, it is your responsibility than children have car seats and seat belts on - not the parent.

Cannot believe they won't do a 40 minute walk. Sound like a pair of lazy, freeloading badtards to me.

I walk more than that on a return trip to school each morning and afternoon.

Are they physically able to do the walk?

YANBU As the driver it's your responsibility to ensure your passengers are safely fastened in.

YANBU.You definitely shouldn’t have two toddlers in a car without a car seat. Try asking on a local Facebook chat/ forum if anyone can lend you a couple of car seats for the day. I frequently see requests like this on my local forum. The poster usually offers to pay in “local currency” ie, a nice bottle of wine or chocolates. There’s usually a few generous people who will offer to lend out theirs for a day or two.

There’s usually a few generous people who will offer to lend out theirs for a day or two

Judging by the OP’s post where another relative lent a car seat to this brother and got it back smelling of weed, I would not want to be borrowing car seats off kind Facebook people if I was the OP. I would be so embarrassed to have to return it like that.

The OP is 21. These children have two parents of nearly 40 who should be able to manage this. I assume they manage parenting on a daily basis generally? I’m presuming they have phones and access to the internet?

It is not your responsibility. If they want to be feckless, let them.

Can't believe all the posters trying to put the onus on the OP to fix this!!

It's NOT her problem, it's the problem of the feckless pair of parents who have put no thought into this at all and can't be arsed to take proper care of their children's safety!

YADNBU - you know that - and you are under no obligation at all to do anything to fix this.

They need to sort out their priorities. Theyre always borrowing money, cant afford Christmas dinner or a taxi or car seats but smoke cigarettes and weed. Its clear where their priorities lie

I think you are getting a hard time here I don’t see why it’s the mothers or op responsibility to provide or pay for car seats :/ their children, their responsibility !

There is a horrible tendency in these sort of threads to see unemployed drug addicts as some sort of holy fool, whose lifestyle acts as a rebuke to the OP's shallow materialism. It therefore becomes the OP's responsibility to use their nasty dirty money to help the holy fools, rather in the manner of tithing being used to support medieval monasteries - they pray so you don't have to.

It's utter bollocks, of course. Unemployed inadequates spending all their money on fags and weed are choosing to be unemployed inadequates, and are also shit parents. There's nothing admirable about it, and no reason for the OP - other than wanting to protect the children, for which social services have both a better toolkit and stronger powers - to do anything other than protect their own interests.

Boosters won't be suitable for either of them. It's generally 4 plus (but my 5 year old is still far too small for even a high backed booster). Most charity shops won't sell car seats because of safety laws, but I know a couple that will offer them for free from the storage room. Your brother and SIL sound like unfit parents and I wouldn't want to even spend Christmas with them, but thank fuck you sound sensible and maybe these kids have half a chance of not turning out like them with you as a role model. For that reason I'd maybe make an effort to help them find sears you can keep for them. It would be great if you could offer to have the kids occasionally without them just to give them some idea that their life style isn't normal.

Why is it OPs job to go and find them car seats? The children are 3 and 5 that is plenty of time for the parents to find suitable car seats.

No disabilities that would stop them from walking, they are over weight (as am I) and are too lazy to walk. They won't walk to the corner shop at times so 40minutes would never be done by them. I've had no reply so far.

Just got round to commenting on your thread. Good on you for sticking to your guns!

Not your circus not your monkeys.

A 40 minute walk on Christmas Day will be good for them and their DC. Work up an appetite for their lunch then walk it off going home. If it is a white Christmas all the better, lovely for the DC.

I completely get why you wouldn’t own car seats when you very rarely travel by car. But they need to accept that there will have to be some expense somewhere if they want to spend Christmas Day with you - whether that’s second hand car seats or a taxi. If they can’t afford either, it’s tough, frankly; not nice, I grant you, but sometimes life isn’t. Their alternative is you breaking the law, which you’re completely justified in saying is no alternative at all.

I wonder if there’s an element of big brother resenting being ‘dictated to’ by a much younger sibling. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s transformed it into some massive cheek in his mind, when actually he has no grounds to get stroppy.

It's a shame there isn't a way to rent one cheaply, especially when you need one until puberty. I get why you wouldn't want to spend money on one when you don't have a car

Defo not being unreasonable! How reckless and irresponsible! I'm sure they could borrow carseats over Christmas from friends. Not everyone will be going out so I'm sure there's someone who would lend them theirs. I can't believe they think that is acceptable!

if you're anywhere near Bristol I have 2 unused car seats

Ok you are doing everything right

You have no obligation to enable these time wasters

"You have no obligation to enable these time wasters"

It's a shame that none of the Family give a shit about that two and three year old having one good day a year, though.

Did you, your Mother or any other Family Member give your take on what is going on in those children's lives to SS?

Or was there a wall of silence?

It's tough to balance being there for the kids and enabling the useless parents in this case

We are there for the kids as much as having them for Xmas with the one rule of their parents need to have car seats.

As far as I'm aware my mother was not contacted by SS. I was not either.

Thank you for the offers of carseats but sadly none of you are close by, I really appreciate it though.

It's a shame that none of the Family give a shit about that two and three year old having one good day a year, though.

That's a pretty massive assumption. You also have no idea what the family are doing for those children the other 364 days a year.