Not picking people up for xmas?

[StephenQueenBooks]

I have been asked to pick up my brother, sil and their two kids (3 and 2) on Xmas day as they can't drive/get public transport. I don't drink so fine with this as my mum wants a tipple (I live with her just out of uni).

When I spoke to my brother about it last night I said we should all fit in even with the carseats and he said he didn't have any.

I told him I'm not having two toddlers in my car not in carseats because it's not safe and I don't want the fine. I said you either get car seats or you'll have to come a different day when you can get the bus. My mum is backing me up however him and my sil are annoyed saying it's their children and they don't mind them sitting on their knees.

Aibu to say no carseats, no lift? I've only just started driving last month and lifts are the bane of my life!

OP, of course urbis not your responsibility or obligation to pay out for car seats for your adult employed brother!

Another thing to consider: in a crash it isn’t just unsecured children who die / suffer brain damage or facial wreckage, they frequently ricochet into the driver in front and kill or brain damage them, aka you.

Get your assertiveness up: if they acquire seats on a permanent basis you will be take for granted as taxi driver.....

You sound strong and clear. If someone (not you) sources legal car seats you will drive them. If you arrive, and no car seats, you will not let them in the car.

And don’t countenance what my idiotic extended family think is OK, putting a child on a lap with seat belt round both. It isn’tegal, and The child just gets crushed to death.

Why is some people giveing the OP a hard time? It’s not her fault her brothers a waste of space (sorry OP I know I don’t know him!). She’s asking sensible questions, as a new driver should. It’s not her responsibility to produce car seats ffs.

OP I gave away my pram, car seat, cosy toes, raincover, umbrella and anything else I’ve missed from the list, on free cycle to someone who was struggling. I know a lot of friends have struggled to give away their car seats, so I too agree with pp, that free cycle or a face book selling page, is the ideal place to make a request. However, it is their responsibility to do this, not yours!

@HoustonBess

Well said

Yanbu. You will be fined if caught, not worth the risk.

Booster seats are not ok. Be prepared to arrive to collect and the won’t have seats.

You cannot drive the car with two young children not in correct seats. If another car hits yours at speed or you have to brake suddenly, the children will be flung out through the windscreen and be killed. You’ll have to live with that and could end up with a jail sentence.

This is ridiculous - it is ILLEGAL for children not to be in age-appropriate car seats, as the driver and owner of the car you would be breaking the law. The fact that the parents don’t mind is completely irrelevant. How dare they put you in this situation and make out that you’re saying “they’re not welcome”. No - they are welcome as long as they act like responsible bloody adults!

That's a good reply, StephenQueenBooks.

They sounds like total dickheads to be honest.

Agreed. Good reply @StephenQueenBooks

If they don't sort anything, could you drop them a dinner round? Just so the kids don't miss out?

OP you’ve been very reasonable, this is not your problem to fix. Don’t enable them by sorting it out.

Just wanted to say I hope you have a good Christmas

I won't be dropping them dinner round if they go to her mum's or not.

Why should I just because they're too lazy to get here by other means. Plus my mum wouldn't be buying the extra if they weren't coming.

Stick to your guns your DB and SIL sound like takers and expect everything done for them.

Thanks guys, I'm going to work now but if I hear anything else I will update later xx

If you’re in the south east (Buckinghamshire or Oxfordshire) I’d gladly lend two car seats.

Try freecycle. Someone might have some seats kicking about. I've got two car seats sitting in my house taking up room. I drove my niece & nephew with bags down to my house, sis & bil came by train. When they went home, they went in the week and so had to get the train. They left the car seats at my house. We didn't get back up to them for a bit and the kids were growing out of the seats so they got new ones.

Shepherd I don’t think you read the OP properly . Watch her what?

Why can't your mum watch yours whilst you get them? Don't see the problem tbh.

Have you actually read the OP’s post?

Shepherd - have you read the thread? Neither she or the parents have any car seats. She's not being difficult in the least.

Second hand car seats. Return the other presents if you have to. Their safety is far more important than toys.

YANBU and sound very sensible and more mature than them

The have options:

walk the 40 minutes the OP said it took. Doesn't sound like they have physical disabilities, hope I'm right.
Get the bus the day before and stay over
Look around the internet to try to borrow car seats
Put aside a bit of money each week to buy the cheapest car seats (prob should've started doing that in Nov) so the issue doesn't arise again.

If they want to come, they could make it work. It sounds like when you said the children had to be in car seats the disagreed with your opinion and they'd rather it fall apart to prove a point almost.

What it sounds like is they want other people to sort it for them, and when it hasn't been sorted, they've used emotional blackmail to say oh well we'll go elsewhere then. Which is horrible, considering your mum has offered to host four people and you have offered to provide their transport.

I personally think the best option would be trying to source the car seats for a reduced price (maybe £5? £10?) online and buying them, as it offers a long term solution.

But it is up to the mum and dad in that family to do that.
It sounds like it could be achievable online, but almost that they don't want to. Otherwise you'd be moving heaven and earth searching the internet to find some, and it sounds like they haven't even looked? Maybe they think you will give in and sort it, but they're not grasping it's not for you to sort out. It's for them to sort out, so they can take you both (your mum and you) up on the really kind offers you've given them already! I reckon your brother resents you and thinks you're being strict about the car seats to prove a point, he feels you should just let it go and have the children sit in the car on their knees. Not good.

www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/when-a-child-can-travel-without-a-car-seat

Here is the law. Obviously as driver it is still your prerogative but there are circumstances where you don't need one.