Not picking people up for xmas?

[StephenQueenBooks]

I have been asked to pick up my brother, sil and their two kids (3 and 2) on Xmas day as they can't drive/get public transport. I don't drink so fine with this as my mum wants a tipple (I live with her just out of uni).

When I spoke to my brother about it last night I said we should all fit in even with the carseats and he said he didn't have any.

I told him I'm not having two toddlers in my car not in carseats because it's not safe and I don't want the fine. I said you either get car seats or you'll have to come a different day when you can get the bus. My mum is backing me up however him and my sil are annoyed saying it's their children and they don't mind them sitting on their knees.

Aibu to say no carseats, no lift? I've only just started driving last month and lifts are the bane of my life!

OP I think you sound lovely and don't deserve the stress they are putting on you,Fact is they sort it or they don;t end of.You sound like you are a credit to yourself and very different to them,You are so not being unreasonable..You are really sensible in what you are saying.I wish you all the luck in the world at uni and with your career..leave your brother at the bottom of the pile where he belongs...he aint moving forward but you are ..you should be proud of yourself for standing up for what is right....Good on you lady,,its not easy being right and holding your corner but you made a good call ....their problem to sort not yours...if they dont care less then its down to them not you!

YADNBU what a twat he is!

You're the one that is potentially gonna be stuck with a fine, license points or even worse if there is an accident the injury or death of those children to live with!

Certainly here the police are out in force over the Christmas period too to deal with drunk/drugged drivers.

He's being a dick!

Glad your mum backing you up.

Aside from this particular issue what's the situation they're having to be bailed out regularly by your mum & can't afford Christmas dinner?

So they can afford cigs & weed but your mum is having to help them out?! They need to get their fucking priorities in order!

"I find the car seat industry a bit of a scaremongering racket" ever treated a child in an accident not in a car seat?! I have and the car was "only" going 20mph. They were lucky to be alive and likely still have issues as a result almost 20 years later! The aunt behind whom she was seated wasn't as lucky.

"You could just pay 50 quid" yea cos EVERYONE has 50 quid lying about this time of year they can afford to basically throw away due to these irresponsible twats wasting the little money they have on illegal drugs!

"I've had a message saying they might be going to her mum's" how are they getting there?

'"s Mum said she would pick us up without them" at that point I'd be telling them IF that happens I would have NO qualms about reporting such a dangerous & illegal act to police & SS.

A fine is the LEAST of it those children's lives are at risk. Frankly I wonder if those children would be better off elsewhere.

I would text back saying 'You don't seem to realise that by picking you up I would be doing you a favour. However, I am not prepared to break the law. Get child seats or find an alternative means of transport. Or don't come. Your choice'.

I'm amazed that you haven't told him to fuck off to be honest. He sounds like a selfish arse.

They could walk, get the bus, ask around online for spare ones. They have options. However they don't take responsibility for their own home, health, children's well-being etc so they won't do anything that will put themselves out even slightly. So wtf do some posters think the OP should. Did some miss the that the brother has a full time job so they do have money coming in? They've just chosen not to save any for something like this, or saved a bit over the year to pay for a dinner. I worked it out once and you can get a full Christmas dinner for 4 from Tesco for about £25. From the sound of it, OP's brother is happy to spend that on weed so the money is there.

None of this is the OP's fault or responsibility. Also curious if you're the youngest of the 6 OP? Ime the youngest seems to be expected to fetch and carry for the older ones right into adult hood. It's good that you're putting your foot down now.

There are no buses on Christmas day

(By ime, I mean from observing other families growing up)

Fair enough on the bus. They could walk though.

"You're acting like a child, they're my kids, if you had your own I wouldn't tell you what to do with them."

I'm fuming. I don't even know how to reply to that!

They are in their 40's, cannot cook, care for a cat or prioritise their children over their drug addition.

There's no point replying. This level of stupidity is not responsive to logic or reason.

Looks like her mother has the pleasure of their company this year.

Hi there not so DB, in view of your rude texts and getting a lift in my car, dream on until you’ve learned some manners. Or more bluntly FOTTFSOFATFOSM.

Christ they sound like a right pair of leeches
yanbu

Do not back down - no proper/safe seating = no lift...they should sort seats or travel on another day when they can use public transport. Don't risk illegally carrying children, fines, points, or a ban + a guilty feeling forever should the worst happen - it's not worth it. Perhaps they can borrow or rent seats.

You could potentially get away with having the 3yo in a rear seat as long as you tell anyone who stops you that it’s a short unexpected journey. But there’s no way you can legally have the 2yo in the car without a carseat.

However, it sounds like getting them to your house for Christmas is the least of your problems. They’re smoking weed around their kids, not prioritising their welfare and providing such a poor environment that even their cats were removed. (How is it that the cats were removed but they’ve been allowed to keep their kids!! Madness!!) Imo Social Services should be involved!

There's no point replying. This level of stupidity is not responsive to logic or reason

Well put

Your brother obviously can't claim that the children will be fine: there is no way he can guarantee that there is no chance whatsoever that you will have an accident or that you will have to make an emergency stop.

It's also not just a question of you losing your licence or having to pay a fine. The issue is that if you stop suddenly, children sitting on their parents' knees who aren't properly secured become missiles: not only are they likely to go through the windscreen, they may well hit your head on the way. Send him the link to this video -

You are definitely NBU. The kids may be their’s, but the car is yours for which are wholly responsible, including legally.

Apologies if this has already been mentioned /discussed... I'm guiltily replying without having read the whole thread, but could you and your mum go to them instead?
You 100% are nbu - no car seats, no car travel. Its not worth the risk to their lives or your licence xxx

It's just awkward isn't it. You are having to be difficult with your own family, but its not your fault. It might be OK driving without car seats, but you might get stopped.

Your brother is being very unreasonable . We have 6 children and no car but still have proper car seats for them in case they go in someone else’s car. It common sense. Tell your brother where to go!

I bet you (he) can find a free car seat somewhere. They are hardly worth anything used. I gave one away last week on Facebook marketplace

I would text back.

Are you really that stupid to not understand that it is against the law to not have children in car seats when travelling in a vehicle, and that it is the driver of the vehicle’s responsibility to ensure these safety measures are in place before he/she drives off, otherwise it will be the driver that is fined not the twat of a brother who thinks its ok that he is wearing a seat belt in the vehicle but his children are not, seriously what does that say about you as a parent.

Surely a very simple I will not break the law for you should suffice?

Are you really that stupid to not understand that it is against the law

Drug addict. Doesn't care.

I agree with you OP. No seats no lift. You would obviously get a fine if pulled over by the cops and if you were in an accident and they were here (or worse), you'd be the one having to live with the guilt.

It's against the law?

‘Fuck off to your mils then if she doesn’t give a shit about your children’s safety. Grow the fuck up’ would be my response