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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think separate accounts are odd?

448 replies

AntMoon · 09/12/2018 15:34

How many married/partnered mumsnetters have separate bank accounts to their other halves?

I'm assuming that the majority of people in long-term relationships have joint accounts. I've been with DH 9 years and we've had joint bank, savings & joint credit card account for years.

It it more 'modern' to keep everything separate these days?

OP posts:
Original poster
AntMoon · 09/12/2018 19:22

@EffOrf we have an AMEX with a card each, with a direct debit paying it off in full from our main joint bank account.

But you're right, one of us would have had to apply and then add the other. :) can't remember now which one did it! Me most likely.

I love the AMEX cashback on fuel, food spends etc. Other credit cards also available.... Grin

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 09/12/2018 19:25

I took the loan out for the boiler and DH transfers half to my account

Allthewaves · 09/12/2018 19:25

Everyone's different 13 years married and no joint account. We do however have complete transparency of earnings and spending

liverbird10 · 09/12/2018 19:25

Been together 18 years; we have never had a joint account.

hiddeneverythin · 09/12/2018 19:26

I have only a joint account and I hate it with a passion. As soon as I'm back to work it's one bills account and one for myself to spend on whatever I please, including actually saving to buy a decent birthday present for dh

1ndig0 · 09/12/2018 19:29

“Gift buying is a little weird if a joint account as the person could be paying for their own gift. Plus one could be a spender not a saver etc”

It’s teresting to me that some people have this mentality because I’ve been a SAHM for many years. So effectively all gifts I buy for DH are out of “his” money then?

Even If I was working, there would be a huge income disparity, so how would that work with separate accounts and gifts if I could only afford to buy him a fraction of what he could afford to buy me?

Poshjock · 09/12/2018 19:34

Married 12 years and have separate accounts/credit cards etc. We have a bills account that we both pay into and don’t take out of. However we consider our earnings as ours and big financial decisions are discussed. We don’t consider that I buy dinner for him or he for me when we go out - it’s coming out of our money. We have different attitudes to money so separate finances was a considered choice from that.

I think that it is most important that couples discuss their needs and ideas and attitudes so they can plan their finances to suit their situation best. I don’t think that happens for a lot of couples though.

canigetaliein · 09/12/2018 19:34

Admittedly I work so maybe that makes separate accounts easier? DH earns more so just pays more bills.

Bababoo13 · 09/12/2018 19:34

I agree with you op. I got married at 19 and had a joint bank account from 18. I moved out at 17 and in with dh abs his parents but effectively he was supporting me. Yet he never saw it as his money it’s always our money regardless of who has earned more.

BatsAreCool · 09/12/2018 19:35

1ndig0 we always make sure that the individual personal spending money is equal every month. Even if one of us was at home not earning we would always do this so that spending money is split fairly.

Original poster
AntMoon · 09/12/2018 19:40

@mortifiedmama we're looking to move to rural Wales in the not-so-distant future so will be in the same boat! Confused

OP posts:
TheBigBangRocks · 09/12/2018 19:47

It’s interesting to me that some people have this mentality because I’ve been a SAHM for many years. So effectively all gifts I buy for DH are out of “his” money then?

Yes if there's only his salary. Likewise, if roles were reversed, he'd be buying you a gift from your money.

UserMe18 · 09/12/2018 19:49

@TheBigBangRocks

And how is he able to go out and earn that salary? Presumably because the SAHM is looking after the children? Is he supposed to pay her for childcare? No, I imagine they chip in as a family via different means, I'm not a SAHM but I can see that!

WinterfellWench · 09/12/2018 19:51

Me and DH had separate accounts in our early 20's (in the 1990's) and were slagged off by everyone...... separate accounts, separate lives blah blah blah... what is he hiding, how do you know his income, would be a dealbreaker for me...... blah, blah, blah........

In our late 20's we pooled finances, and stopped having separate monies. As soon as we did that, we had people saying .... ooooh that wouldn't do for me having joint accounts, I wouldn't want him having control of MY money (he doesn't!) and I like my money for myself, and I need to have a get-away fund, and don't you find it restrictive?...... Blah blah fucking blah.

So I decided about a decade ago (when I changed jobs and moved areas,) to tell NO-ONE what we do. If anyone has ever asked, I say 'to be honest I'd rather not discuss our finances.' Some people seem a bit irked. No idea why, as it has FUCK ALL to do with them.

But yeah we have had 2 joint accounts for about 15 years now, and would never have it any other way. We both earn roughly the same though, and spend roughly the same. So it's not a problem.

If others want separate accounts, that's fine. People need to stop having a go at people who do things differently to them though. Why does what anyone else does bother you? Hmm

@Antmoon YABU. It's none of your business.

Original poster
AntMoon · 09/12/2018 20:02

@WinterfellWench very true it's not my business. I'm very open about finances as are my friends & family. It's like talking about the weather! Is that unusual?

But sorry if I touched a nerve there...defintely not having a go at anyone, just wondered what the norm was. Maybe it's come across as nosy? Consider my knuckles rapped!

OP posts:
Ifangyow · 09/12/2018 20:03

My salary is paid into my DH bank account as it has done all our married life. I have the card for it.
Simply because I'm too lazy to open an account of my own.

BrusselPout · 09/12/2018 20:04

We have a joint account for household stuff, separate current accounts for our own spending and separate savings

Iknowthatguy · 09/12/2018 20:06

@Ifangyow I'm actually surprised your employer will let you do that.

UserMe18 · 09/12/2018 20:09

Can you get a mortgage without any bank account in your name, not even a joint? 😐

noplease · 09/12/2018 20:10

We have both, my husband has his account were his wages are paid into and all bills, mortgage etc comes out of. Then we have a joint account my wage gets paid into which is used for food and general spending and I also have my own account child benefit gets paid into and I can transfer money into if I want to buy a surprise gift for example. I tend to control the finances anyway, know password for his online banking and as his monthly wage is more than the bills he transfers over to joint account if needed. Works quite well and has done for the past 7 years. We both think of it all as our money rather than separate his and mine.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 09/12/2018 20:12

Joint current account but all savings are in my sole name. This was for tax reasons originally but now because the highest returning account with our bank has to be single name. Obviously DH trusts me completely because I could totally clean him out if I chose to.

littlemisssunshine81 · 09/12/2018 20:12

We have been together for 18 years, married for several of those, have 3 kids and have had several properties together and we have separate accounts. It’s not that we have ‘our own money’ we just never thought it necessary to close them and open a joint one. Mortgage comes out of my account and so do the credit cards (only because it was me who was organised enough to sort that out). If I’m running low he just transfers a bunch of £££s to me and we are good to go! There is no question that everything between us is completely shared 50/50 and no need for a joint account to do that.

Isitweekendyet · 09/12/2018 20:13

We have our own separate account and allocate certain money towards household expenses/savings etc in the joint.

I'd never put all my money into another person's account, no matter who they are - DH included.

christmaschristmaschristmas · 09/12/2018 20:15

Together over 20 years. 3 kids. A mortgage etc.

We just have separate accounts. Perfectly easy one pays bills, other pays mortgage etc.

I would never have a joint account with any partner.

Please ladies if you have all joint money, at least consider having 1 saving account that only you know about in case of crisis.

anniehm · 09/12/2018 20:15

Joint accounts here, only separate one are our ISA's which have to be separate