"It it more 'modern' to keep everything separate these days?"
It's more sensible!
I fell for the "we're a team all finances should be joint" bullshit. Ex regularly over spent in our first few years married that caused arguments, eventually resolved and we had an agreed way of working. Then he cheated and I ended it, at the time was a sahm and he completely emptied our joint account - the only one I had at that point and into which child Ben and tax credits were being paid - days later leaving me with dd to care for penniless. And this is NOT unusual I've known it happen a lot in relationship splits. He didn't even tell me I had the most embarrassing experience of finding out while trying to pay for the weekly shop in a supermarket!
I had to borrow from an acquaintance just to feed dd and then run around like the proverbial blue arsed fly the next few days with dd in tow to get a new account sorted and child ben etc paid into the new account and my parents had to transfer me money to get by until all sorted.
It's not just if you split either, if one partner/spouse dies it's not unusual for banks to freeze accounts until probate settled I've known of real life cases of that leaving parents of young children stuffed too!
I've even known accounts be frozen because one holder was suspected of embezzlement.
Better (imo) to have a joint account for joint expenses BUT not have that account be where income goes into directly, instead have individual accounts where wages, child Ben, other benefits/income paid into and have a standing order (easily cancelled/amended) set up to transfer into the joint account each persons share of joint expenses.
I'd also recommend where possible having an emergency savings account - yes for in event of split, but also death/critical illness of spouse/partner - insurances don't cover all costs and such times can prove expensive. Transport to hospital, eating away from home more while organising things, getting things for long term patients to make their lives a little easier, funeral incidentals etc.
I DEFINITELY think a joint credit card is a terrible idea!
"Bloody pita to get him to cooperate with getting it closed when I left him." This too!
"I just don’t know why you would bother" hopefully mine and others posts will illuminate some damn good reasons to AT LEAST have a separate savings account for emergencies, with enough to cover bills for at least a month.
"but spreads the risk across institutions" another good reason. Particularly when you consider certain banks have had tech issues in last couple years. If you have accounts in more than one bank - even better separate banking group, it dilutes this risk.
"My salary is paid into my DH bank account as it has done all our married life. I have the card for it.
Simply because I'm too lazy to open an account of my own." That's worse than joint! Effectively you're giving him your money. And as dh has broken rules on fraud prevention if his account were robbed he'd have little comeback if any.
An awful lot of those who've responded that have joint accounts only have said "it works for us" or similar. The issue isn't what works when things are going well - but where will you stand if things go wrong?
"Wish I'd never had a joint account. ExH would never have been able to steal £28,000 from it, or take out fraudulent cards and loans in my name. Didn't realise he was the most financially abusing person I've ever met." So sorry that happened to you. But yes, cautionary tale for others.
"We were together for 16yrs, and never had a joint account. Thank fuck for that. It meant that when I left, that was one less thing to sort out, and his later bankruptcy didn't impact on me." Another cautionary tale.
"Same with dh and his ex. Emptied all the joint accounts and savings accounts, then kicked him out for her OM. About £20k, plus a 50k remortgage she talked him into a month before that he was then liable for." And another
"He can't 'run off' and neither can I". Joking aside though - what if you WANTED to leave? Or worse NEEDED to? Where are you then?
"Happened to my mum and all the accounts were locked until wills/probate were sorted." And another.
Was still an issue for my mums friend 5 years ago.
"With my dad having recently had to go into residential care, it is causing real problems that all of his & my mum's money is in joint accounts" another good reason not to do all joint.
"Lol let's hope your partner never decides to clean our your account and shaft you financially" quite! I mean it's not like divorce rates are high 🤔 and people never die unexpectedly, or become critically ill or anything 🙄
"we don’t see a need in having mine and his when we’re one family."
"It especially baffles me when women on maternity leave are seemingly expected to “pay their way” as if it’s them having the baby for some sort of holiday and their husband not playing a part in the savings at all. Or even worse a SAHP getting some sort of allowance from their working partner as if they’re a teenager getting pocket money"
In those scenarios even more reason as their partners have clear potential for being financially abusive.
Randomusername01 those men would still have been financially abusive with joint accounts and likely would have given the women a hard time over every penny they spent that was over what they considered necessary. Those women would likely have also found it much harder to leave.
"Even if you think joint accounts are the way to go, it’s still worth having a sole account with, say, enough to cover between 1 and 3 months living expenses. Then if one of you drops dead, at least you have access to money while everything is sorted." Exactly
"In the event of a split of a married couple, family assets are divided according to the court settlement" you ever been divorced?! It takes AGES even years to get to that point. Those of us with or who know of exes that emptied joint accounts it usually happens pretty much immediately! It can easily take at least a month just to get first solicitors appointment!
"Even in the event of a split, I know DH wouldn’t clear me out" INCREDIBLY naive. Famous last words spoken/thought by many who were then shafted!
My exes behaviour shocked his own family and friends he'd had all his life, not just me. He's basically become a completely different person, I've actually had his own mother say she no longer recognises the person he is. It's an incredibly common tactic. As a sahm you are extremely vulnerable. Not just divorce either - if he were to die suddenly eg in car accident chances are his accounts would all be frozen.
"Sometimes all it takes it for someone to meet someone else, and all their morals go at once" yep!
"I know my DH would be fair and moral in case of a split." You really don't nobody does. There was an mner when I'd not long joined posted a very brave thread, basically saying that she'd been like you guys, totally trusted her dh, never thought he'd cheat he "wasn't the type" would never see the kids without etc - iirc turned out he'd been having a long term affair, then decided to leave op (think OW got pregnant) and royally shafted her financially. She totally regretted being so naive and not being prepared for the possibility. She was very lucky in having family who could help out - not everyone does.
"A few people have alluded to it being naive to trust a DP completely but I think it depends on the relationship, their past, their spending habits, their personality etc." I had absolutely no reason not to trust my ex - until I did!
I WAS you until 15 years ago I learnt the hard way - and there's LOTS of us that did.
"Surely you can still be “an individual” with joint accounts though?" Not necessarily in legal financial terms.
To summarise:
1 Divorce/separation - often turns acrimonious, needing to leave due to partner becoming abusive.
2 Critical illness - inc needing residential care, one party becoming mentally incapacitated... Banks can & do freeze accounts if that happens - it's intended to protect the ill person but can make things very difficult.
3 One party being irresponsible with finances - not even always their fault certain illnesses can cause people to do this, not only spending the others money but damaging their credit record too.
4 One party being even suspected (even if eventually found innocent) of financial irregularity at work or in a voluntary role
5 Death - assets being frozen, probate can take AGES.
6 if you're also only using one bank you're vulnerable if they experience tech or economic issues. Yes there's protection if banks go bust but it takes time to access and how do you manage in the meantime? Sensible to spread the risk
They all look like bloody good reasons to me!