To think separate accounts are odd?

[AntMoon]

How many married/partnered mumsnetters have separate bank accounts to their other halves?

I'm assuming that the majority of people in long-term relationships have joint accounts. I've been with DH 9 years and we've had joint bank, savings & joint credit card account for years.

It it more 'modern' to keep everything separate these days?

I accept people do things differently, of course. I just think, over the years, people’s spending habits fall into a certain pattern.

That might not be much variation in yours but I think that most people vary in what they need/want each month. That may not be an issue if you have plenty of spare cash and don't have to worry about going overdrawn but that isn't the case for a large proportion of the population. I prefer having a separate account for myself so that I can budget without having to discuss my purchases first or worry that someone might take the money out with no notice. A joint account for everything is more a sign of affluence or perhaps stupidity rather than a great marriage.

I have never shared my money with any partner I have had. I would hate it! I like to have my own money to do as I please with.

We split the house and bills 50/50, then take it turns to buy food or pay if we go out for dinner or something like that.

but everything left over is for me to spend - or keep - as I see fit. And the same goes for him. He earns much more than me but I don't see why I should have access to all his hard-earned money for free!

He earns much more than me but I don't see why I should have access to all his hard-earned money for free!

That’s quite a sad way of thinking of money in a marriage. What happens if you get ill and can’t work, or go part time to look after children etc? At times Dh and I have earned a lot more than the other one but it would be rubbish to see the other one struggling. Splitting bills 50/50 is financially harder on a lower earner.

So if all the money will inevitably be spent according to the needs and preferences of the individuals in a relationship anyway, why maintain the illusion of financial separateness?

Well, it isn't an illusion. I have zero idea how much DH spends on his hobbies. I don't want to know. It's none of my business.

We have a mix of separate accounts and joint accounts & joint credit cards - we've been together 18years, married 13yrs
It's partially because we had accounts before we were together and partially just convenience, tax, work etc
We know roughly what's in each other's accounts and we count everything as joint in terms of family resources and periodically review our finances together.

It works for us and that's all that matters.

We have a joint account into which we both pay the same amount each month.
Out of that comes household bills, so they are split 50/50.
We then each have our own accounts to do with as we like.

Been together 9 years, married for 4. One child. We each have a current account, plus a joint account from which we pay most outgoings. We pay in the same each month (very similar salaries). Separate savings / ISAs, plus one ISA for DD to which we both contribute. @

either party can clear it out at will and either party can open another account elsewhere if they want to so where does the talismanic significance of the joint account come from?

Probably evolved from the days when it was rare for a married woman to have her own bank account. Everything would be in the husbands name. Not so long ago either, my dad died mid-80’s and i remember the arguments my mum used to have when she was refused credit/bank account/fuel accounts (had a card meter) Etc. Purely because the main account holder had to be male.

Women getting their names on land registries, mortgages and bank accounts was a big step forward for equality. Of course they still had trouble with sole account for a long time. Even now i will open up an account and the paperwork will arrive addressed to “mr”, as the assumption is still that the male party is in control of the main financial load.

I think opening someone else's post is quite rude and intrusive, we've been together many years since teenagers and I still wouldn't do it unless he specifically asked me to. I wouldn't read his texts either. I think it's healthy to have boundaries.

Alaaya I can see that the only earner paying into the non earner's account would work.

For me though I can only see the point of that if the non earner is at some stage going to return to work. I am not though

*I think opening someone else's post is quite rude and intrusive
Unless you’ve got their permission. I’d open stuff that looks like bills/junk etc but nothing that looks personal.

Both here too. One central one for bills and essentials so everything necessary is paid by DD on 1st day of the month. Then we have separate personal accounts. I don’t want to know how much my Christmas present cost and equally I prefer to keep my close relationship with the White Company private🙂

We don’t have a joint account. We don’t find it odd at all. My dh earns a lot of money and I would spend it all and we’d be skint! It works for us and neither of us are funny about money or anything. What’s his is mine and vice versa and all that but we don’t have a joint account. I would say we have joint finances though. We have been married for 12 years, 2 dc.

User, I don't see a problem in opening the other's post at all. If something is marked "private" I may not open it but DH would not care if I did.

The same with texts. We have no secrets from each other. We may sometimes just pass the phone to the other but I would find it extremely odd if DH suddenly started asking me to pass him his phone rather than just asking who the text is from.

"He earns much more than me but I don't see why I should have access to all his hard-earned money for free!" - I also find this a very strange attitude. If you are a couple you should be an equal couple. Why should one of you have £1,000 a month to spend how you like and the other only £100?

I know a couple where one is in a very well paid job and the other is only on minimum wage. They have separate accounts. The higher earner buys expensive clothes, shoes, loads of books etc. The other is lucky if he can afford to buy anything most months.

They went on holiday this year and the higher earner flew 1st class, the lower earner didn't!

My DH came into a very large inheritance last year. Every penny of it went into the joint account and we discussed what WE would spend it on

@mydogisthebest why do people always assume it's about having something to hide? I wouldn't read anyone's texts or anyone's post (unless I was asked to for a specific reason) when my husband and I married we didn't suddenly become one person, I think it's healthy to have some boundaries, some essence of individuality, and being able to call one's phone my own and my post mine is just one element of that. It's not about someone having something hide, I trust all my husband's texts and letters are above board it would t occur to me otherwise, but they are his, there is literally no reason for me to read them.

DH and I first got a joint account when we first moved in, for joint expenses. We kept our own bank accounts and paid in a proportion of earnings.

When we moved abroad, bank accounts had quite high fees so we just got the one bank account between us that we used for everything. We've moved back now, but we have kept up having a joint account.

I have a separate bank account but it's used very rarely. I kept it as it's linked to a number of savings accounts, that we always kept in my name for tax purposes.

I'm the more organised one, so almost all savings and investments we have are in my name as I set them up and move the cash, but they are for joint purposes.

We are very fortunate in that we are just comfortable enough that we don't need to be too strict with our spending, I think if we had less money I'd enforce joint accounts as I'm more the saver.

Been together for over 20 years and have 2 teenage kids. We've never had a joint account. We each pay a proportion of the bills, i.e. I pay the mortgage and insurance amongst other things, he pays for the food, gas, TV, and some other stuff - we don't sit and work out exactly who should pay what percentage of each bill! The bills I pay add up to slightly more and then I pick up most of the bills for the kids stuff as I earn more.

Joint savings, current account and credit card for us and married 36 years. We each have individual current accounts too though and an individual credit card each and isas all separate. Our monthly spending money goes into each separate current account. Joint account is for all household and car stuff, holidays and gifts for everyone else joint entertainment etc. Separate accounts are for hobbies, personal expenses like clothes, haircuts, non joint entertainment and gifts for each other. I can't imagine not having access to an account my OH did not see. What do you do about gifts for each other? Do you both have same spending patterns?

My OH would go through our joint account funds and spend on hobbies if he thought spare money was in there. Years ago he did that forgetting we had direct debits due the next week and still had to buy kids clothes, food for month, fuel etc but he bought some expensive gadget he "needed". I hit the roof and we opened separate accounts for hobby stuff which he always runs down to almost 0 by end of month. We have same amount each and last year I saved around 50% of my monthly spends and went to Dominican Republic with my sister. This year I have managed to buy a new iPhone and iPad. Money just goes through DHs fingers like water. Giving him carte Blanche to draw what he wanted from the joint account would see us broke in no time.

I’m never sure if having separate accounts protected me from the worst of exh’s financial misdeeds, or if a joint account would have meant I would have seen it a lot sooner. But keeping it separate meant his debts mostly didn’t follow me when we split (although the credit card we both spent on was solely in my name). All I had to do was change my pin and keep using my same account I’d had since I was 16.

We have a joint account for all bills, grocieries, both wages get put in there, then all left over gets split 50/50 into seperate accounts for things like clothes, hobbies, things your saving up for etc.

user, I don't feel that not letting DH look at my phone or go in my purse makes me any less of an individual.

We don't particularly go around looking at each other's phone but if my phone is closest to DH and a text comes through he will pick it up and say "oh you've got a text from xx". He doesn't always open it but often I will ask him to.

As to post, well probably 90% of it, if not more, is bills or something as equally boring so why does it matter which one of us opens it? I sometimes don't open an envelope marked "private" but DH just laughs when he gets in and says "oh open it".

@mydogisthebest both of us grew up with mothers who didn't allow us much privacy and did things like open our post so for us it's just a part of having healthy boundaries.

Joint account for bills and mortgage which we put in money from our own accounts. Everything else is our own, why would I want access to someone elses money that they've earned?

@mydogisthebest

They went on holiday this year and the higher earner flew 1st class, the lower earner didn't!

Oh my God! On the same flight?! That seems extreme. I'd just want to sit with my DH, whatever class!