To think separate accounts are odd?

[AntMoon]

How many married/partnered mumsnetters have separate bank accounts to their other halves?

I'm assuming that the majority of people in long-term relationships have joint accounts. I've been with DH 9 years and we've had joint bank, savings & joint credit card account for years.

It it more 'modern' to keep everything separate these days?

"But if it’s not about trust or needing to protect yourself financially, then can I ask what it is about? "

As I said, we don't open each other's letters, go into each other's bags, wallets or phones without asking, we keep our friends' secrets and we don't always go to bed at the same time. It's about being an individual.

Because we are still individuals. You don't become one person when you get married. Joint account for bills, own accounts for fripperies.

You don’t havd to have a separate account for fripperies. We don’t. All money is shared. We have the same attitude to spending and don’t need to discuss or ask for permission before buying things.

@AntMoon so do you no account at all in just your own name? Did you actually close your account on marrying? (Just curious, genuinely didn't know people did this I thought everyone had their own account like their own phone lol)

(Bertrand - I was replying to the people who were suggesting separate accounts are necessary as a means of protecting yourself against an unscrupulous DH who could potentially clear you out.(

I was replying to your comment that assets would be split anyway in the event of a divorce so it doesn't matter if accounts are joint or separate. My point was that it does matter as there is time between separation and divorce.
It's naive to think that you know how he would behave if you split though based on his behavior when you are happily married.

Together 18 years and married for 11 with two children and mortgage. Separate all the way here! Never wanted to argue about money or control each other's spending
We share direct debits but DH now pays mortgage as I'm working part time to fit with child care.

You don’t havd to have a separate account for fripperies. We don’t. All money is shared. We have the same attitude to spending and don’t need to discuss or ask for permission before buying things.

That's more a reflection of how well off you are than anything else though. DH and I are similar with money but if we had a joint account I would consult him because if he also wanted to buy something at the same time we would go overdrawn.

@UserMe18 I must do! I've got an old account I think from before DH with £100 or so in. I guess it'll still be open as such?

I'm big on moving money/savings to get the best interest rates & bonuses like 'get extra £200 if you open a new account'... so it always goes from joint to joint because I want DH to have access, as I manage all the finances. He doesn't do computers.

Worth mentioning we have our own business together too so income really is 50/50. If he ran off, I could run it my myself. He definitely couldn't! Maybe I should open him a sole 'just in case' account...

Separate bank accounts here. I have two sole accounts. One where the bills are paid from which we both contribute to, and one where I have a monthly 'going out' fund.

We have one joint savings account for presents/car costs/household costs. That is it though.

Things might change later, but I doubt it.

I think separate accounts are best, sure you can have joint accounts but if something happens immediately then you know you have money to fall back on. I recently split with my DH (albeit possibly temporary) but having separate accounts is so much easier and plus this is money I know I’ll definitely be able to save in case something happens.

Opened a joint account as soon as we were married over 38 years ago. No faffing about with separate accounts and what money should be where for us.

Over the years there have been periods when I was the higher earner and periods when DH was the higher earner. Every penny either of us gets, whether wages or anything else, goes into the joint account.

Parents have a joint account (married for almost 70 years) and both siblings have joint accounts (both married over 35 years).

I do wonder with those with separate accounts what happens if one person can't work for a while or even at all?

I went from working full time earning a really good wage to part time earning minimum wage because of ill health. If we had had separate accounts DH would have had to keep putting money into mine.

I now haven't worked for the last couple of years due to ill health and am not entitled to any benefits. So technically all money is DH's but in reality it is ours and if I want to buy something I can although I am actually not much of a spender

Seperate salary and investment accounts. Joint account for bills / mortgage.

That's more a reflection of how well off you are than anything else though

Yep salaries go into own accounts then we both pay an agreed amount to the bills account (joint) and a joint savings (well, actually covering other joint/household/family expenses) account.

We only have a small amount left over "treat" money once our "personal bills" have come out of our own accounts (petrol, phone, gym etc). If all of that was run from a joint account there would be the potential to get to the end of month look at the balance and me go "ohh there is £100 left I can buy that coat I looking at the other day at the same time time as he goes "oh £100 left I can order the new part to upgrade my PC" and us actually end up overdrawn. It isn't practical to run all "treat" spending past each other especially as DH is often uncontactable at work and sometime out of the country. It safeguards us from both spending the same money. It's nothing to do with trust and everything to do practicalities. I'm guessing the joint account only folk largely overlap with the we don't but each other presents folk otherwise the other party can see how much you spent on them and where which for me would blow the surprise of birthdays and Christmas.

@AntMoon oh you're much better than us, we've had the same accounts since we were 16 🙈🙈

Surely you can still be “an individual” with joint accounts though? The fact is, everyone has their individual spending habits anyway, regardless of how you organise your finances. Your spending is determined by the household income overall and you would make decisions about “fripperies” based on the overall impact on the family? Not, on the basis of who gets what and when and how much happens to be in your “personal” account? All the money will go the same way whether it’s in sepsrsye accounts or not. You can’t take it with you when you die! If my DH buys something, I don’t need him to justify it. I know he must think it’s reasonable within the context of family finances and that’s all I need to know. I don’t need to “match” his spending and vice versa. We just don’t think like that.

@1ndig0 I feel like an individual within our joint set-up, for sure. I wouldn't do it if I didn't. Never, ever had an argument about money in our entire relationship.

Him putting his dirty laundry IN the basket rather than BY the basket, however...

@UserMe18 MoneySavingExpert - my Bible!

I manage pretty much all of our money and now we both use the goodbudget app to track bills and individual spending so we don't need to consult on most things as we know we have X to spend on Y though I often do as I like to talk through purchases before making them. I think there are a lot of ways to deal with money and don't think of any of them as particularly odd, just personal for the people involved.

I remember my parents had joint accounts when I was young, but my mother would always before going grocery shopping cash her cheque and keep the cash rather than putting into their account. She preferred her money on her rather than in the account. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized how unusual her habits were but it worked for her (and was probably a lifesaver with how much debt my father racked up during their marriage).

My spouse had his bank account closed when he was in Uni. He got all sorts of bad advice on that and worried he would be refused another one and it would hit his credit score. For many years, he only had a pre-existing ISA (pain for me to get due to US citizenship so used as family savings) and I had the current accounts that everything was paid into and out of, including his pay. We were married 15 years before we decided to turn one of the current accounts into a joint account and only because his mother was concerned while doing her will about whether any money left for him in his name would be able to go into an account with only my name on it (which has never been an issue and only had it commented on once when updating information for child benefit and the pension protection, apparently it is an oddity for a benefit to be paid into an account without that person's name or at least the person on the phone thought so).

I still have a separate account and he doesn't and I handle almost all the money management as, while I regularly update him and keep him in the loop, it's something I enjoy doing far more than him. Might be unusual but it has worked well for us.

I am actually quite surprised that so many couples have separate accounts. I thought most couples had joint.

To those saying about buying presents what about my situation? I can't work and so get no money at all. All money that goes into our joint account is earned by DH. I still buy him birthday presents, Christmas presents, Valentine presents, surprise presents. Neither of us ever think of it as him buying his own presents

1ndig0

You’re very invested in your way being the right way, that’s far harder to understand than adults deciding what works for them.

BertrandRussell, we open each others letters all the time. Who ever gets to the post first (usually me as I am usually home) open all the post. No big deal.

We don't have a problem either of DH going to my purse or handbag or me going to his wallet. If one of us is closer to the others' phone and a text comes through we will often open it and read it to the other.

If we didn't fart in front of each other we would spend an awful lot of time apart. I have IBS!

Jaques - I accept people do things differently, of course. I just think, over the years, people’s spending habits fall into a certain pattern. This is mainly determined by the families overall wealth / disposable income. If you buy something for yourself, it’s (usually) because you know you can afford it ie. it’s not to the detriment of your kids or other fixed costs. So if all the money will inevitably be spent according to the needs and preferences of the individuals in a relationship anyway, why maintain the illusion of financial separateness?

Also, I would open DH’s mail as well and vice versa. Nothing is classified info and it saves the other person the hassle.

So if all the money will inevitably be spent according to the needs and preferences of the individuals in a relationship anyway, why maintain the illusion of financial separateness?

Why is it an illusion? I had no idea of ex-H’s finances, nor he of mine. I had no desire to! I’m guessing I had more as I was more a saver but total guesswork

mydogisthebest - when DH and I were in your situation (although I was the sole earner) we calculated how much was needed for bills and mortgage etc and how much of my salary was left over.

Then I paid the bills+mortgage into the joint account, and half of the remaining money into DH's account. And after that, we both managed our own personal budgets. No issue at all.

I get why joint accounts work for some people BTW. But that worked fine for us.

Married for 20 years - separate bank accounts, credit cards, no joint finances. Not odd for me!