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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think separate accounts are odd?

448 replies

AntMoon · 09/12/2018 15:34

How many married/partnered mumsnetters have separate bank accounts to their other halves?

I'm assuming that the majority of people in long-term relationships have joint accounts. I've been with DH 9 years and we've had joint bank, savings & joint credit card account for years.

It it more 'modern' to keep everything separate these days?

OP posts:
WinterfellWench · 09/12/2018 21:29

Posted too soon! We have always earned roughly the same, so have never been in a position to know if the higher earner would resent 'carrying' the other IYSWM.

Ietthemeatcake · 09/12/2018 21:29

Married 22 years, together for 28 one DD. Joint everything for us. Opened our frequently estate joint account to save for our honeymoon and closed our separate accounts once we got married. Both salaries into the one joint account and everything out of it. Some separate credit cards, but we're cardholders on each others cards, and they come out of the joint account.

Much easier to keep track of, and I couldn't be doing with having to spilt bills or transfer between accounts. Neither of us feels the need to justify spending to the other, though we'd discuss big purchases, as most people would, and we have similar attitudes to money, and if I want to buy a gift I just draw cash out.

MaxineReynolds · 09/12/2018 21:32

I think if you’re in an equal relationship you should have joint accounts and everything is split evenly regardless of what each of you earns. Never understood this separate account nonsense just over complicated things that should be straightforward (if you are in an equal relationship)

reallyanotherone · 09/12/2018 21:36

Never understood this separate account nonsense just over complicated things that should be straightforward (if you are in an equal relationship)

Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it’s “nonsense”.

Our finances are completely separate, and not complicated at all.

Yes, we are in an equal relationship Hmm

MaxineReynolds · 09/12/2018 21:37

But I’m allowed my opinion and in my opinion it is indeed nonsense

WinterfellWench · 09/12/2018 21:37

@letmeeatcake I pretty much think like yo (so does DH) but I do understand that others prefer to do it differently, and have their 'own' money IYSWIM. Smile

WinterfellWench · 09/12/2018 21:38

Like YOU, not yo!

reallyanotherone · 09/12/2018 21:39

My opinion is that your opinion is nonsense :)

Do you apply that logic to everything? If you don’t like it/understand it/agree you dismiss it as nonsense?

Bet you don’t have many friends :)

MaxineReynolds · 09/12/2018 21:42

Lol if you say so 😂

twiglet · 09/12/2018 21:47

few commenters have mentioned their 'half' of the bills is actually in line with salaries, so if partner A earns double than partner B, partner A will pay more percentage wise.

We do this my salary is higher, at first DH said it should be equal amounts but actually it works out far better. He has more disposable income so is less concerned if a friend suggests a night out and I don't have to pay for everything we want to do which I did before due to joint bills leaving him with less.

It probably all does work out the same but I do like it when he says my treat now and again Smile

Catra · 09/12/2018 21:56

Together 8 years, married 4, 1 child. Never had a joint account. I owned the house before we met so every month he transfers enough money into my account to pay his share of all our joint expenses and I pay the bills (he pays more than I do, because he earns more, but proportionally it's the same) The rest of our money is ours to do with as we wish. We're both happy with this set up and we're most definitely equal!

Original poster
AntMoon · 09/12/2018 22:01

@Ietthemeatcake ditto for us - I find managing the finances much, much easier now everything is joint than when we had separate accounts. I can get better interest rates on joint savings too as it's a bigger pot.

I'm not saying it's wrong at all to have separate accounts, I just thought having joint accounts was a very natural progression as a relationship turns into long-term and shared costs are incurred; had no idea in the minority I was! Confused

OP posts:
Thurmanmurman · 09/12/2018 22:01

Married 10 years, joint account for mortgage/bills/food but both have separate accounts. My DPs have been married 50 years and have the same so not odd, or particularly modern.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 09/12/2018 22:02

@twiglet oh no we just split the cost in half. We don't do it on each others income. So if something was £1000 we'd pay £500 each.

spidey66 · 09/12/2018 22:08

Married nearly 25 years , always had separate accounts. Don't think it's odd.....

EustaciaPieface · 09/12/2018 22:16

Been together 22 years, pay bills jointly but have separate accounts. We’re both pretty bad with money so this keeps things more simple.

squeekums · 09/12/2018 22:16

13 years, separate accounts. If we do get a joint it will be a completely new account still keeping separate ones
I dont see point in joint accounts, dp has my access codes, if shit go south i change them and all good, not so easy with a joint account

BeanBagLady · 09/12/2018 22:18

We have a shared house and family account. All the bills, food, shared family expenses, food, family days out come out of that.

We each put a set amount in to that account on payday.

Beyond that we have separate accounts. We both earn about the same, we share household, domestic and childcare responsibilities equally.

Miscella · 09/12/2018 22:22

Everything joint here but I am aware, from talking to friends and colleagues, that this is the more unusual option. It works for us but we both have very similar views on money and spending.

I think it is a case of what works best for you - so long as both partners are in agreement with their financial arrangement that is all that matters.

Yidette86 · 10/12/2018 00:39

I find it strange when people don't have their own accounts to be honest, if they wish or if suitable have a joint account also, you can create a standing order to transfer money over to joint account each month.

HarryTheSteppenwolf · 10/12/2018 00:44

With my dad having recently had to go into residential care, it is causing real problems that all of his & my mum's money is in joint accounts. It might be worth having a joint account for regular household outgoings, but it's important to have separate ones, too.

seventhgonickname · 10/12/2018 00:46

Separate personal accounts and a joint for bills,house etc but complete transparency about savings etc.Works fine.

knittedjest · 10/12/2018 01:01

We do, mainly because DH has a lot of money. So I have two of my own accounts where my daily spending's and personal savings from my salary go. DH has God knows how many accounts but one that I have unlimited access to where he puts a generous amount of money every month.

I'm happy like that. We've been married for almost 31 years and raised all our children like that and none of us have ever gone without anything we need or want. DH pays all school fee's, sports fee's and bills himself so I've never had to worry about any of that. And if there's something somebody needs or wants I can't buy with the money I have, he will buy if asked.

I wouldn't want to have access to all his money and I like not knowing how much there is or what he's doing with it because either way, too much or too little, would make me anxious so in my case ignorance is bliss.

BumDisease · 10/12/2018 01:54

"Lol if you say so 😂"

Lol let's hope your partner never decides to clean our your account and shaft you financially

alltoomuchrightnow · 10/12/2018 02:18

Separate, have never had a joint bank account with anyone, thank goodness I didn't as the financial abuse from my ex fiance was bad enough.