To dread visiting friend because of the constant offers of food and drink?

[smashingavocado]

She is lovely and would be so hurt if she knew. But I find it really stressful.

I’ve got round it by meeting on neutral territory but she’s rearranged a visit to hers tomorrow and I know it will be foodfoodfoodfood.

Aibu to want to cancel?

My MIL does this. I used to be really polite and try to accept something just to make it stop, now I just say very curtly, “No thank you, I do not want anything.” After that all offers that she makes are firmly ignored. The other thing she does is if me, DH or the kids ever eat anything, she will buy tons of the bloody stuff for the next time we visit, because “you liked that last time”. I know they are trying to be hospitable, but actually it is rude to keep going on.

Just say yes then don't eat it. I'm Irish, very used to this!

I think this is a visitor issue rather than a host thing.

Arrange beforehand what you will accept maybe.

I have to say I really dislike this FEEDING thing, where the host will be mortified and in therapy if the guests do not eat everything including the tablecloth.

My MIL is like this. I take something and eat/drink it very, very, very slowly so when she offers again I can decline as I’m still eating whatever the previous delicious morsel was.

I think it’s a nervous thing with MIL, she’s quite shy and I am very quiet so offering food fills in some silences.

I'd take some nibbles with me. Lidl and other places do loads this close to Christmas. I picked up a tray with loads of crackers and pretzels and stuff in for 99p. Take that with you, and every time she asks say you're fine with those. If you nibble one every now and then it might make her settle a bit better.
Or try saying, "honestly I'm fine, if I change my mind I'll let you know. Right now I don't want anything other than a nice chat". Or maybe even suggest going out for a walk???

How well do you know her? Do you have a relationship where you can tease her a bit, e.g. make a joke out of it and set her a target that she's not allowed to offer you food for at least 30 minutes - and set a timer on your phone? We did this with a friend who always said sorry for everything - we made a buzzer sound every time she said sorry for something that wasn't her fault - it became a long running private joke, she got the message, and no one got offended. You have to have the right relationship though!

I just say 'oh gosh, I didn't realise you were cooking, I've just had a huge lunch, I will see if I can try a little'.

Afraid I'm like this... Complete feeder. It feels rude not to offer something to a guest and I'll generally try to find an alternative if they don't like what's on offer. She's just trying to be a good hostess.

I think I am a bit like this. I usually except no to food and drinks after the 3rd time.

Or....

maybe you could be super super brave and tackle her about it?

I love seeing you x, but I do find the constant offers of food really difficult. You're such a great person and I'm so glad we're friends.

Or take all her food and make her happy. What's the harm, every now and again?

Tell her you're on a 5:2 diet and today is a 2 day.

Can you not just go for lunch (or not eat first) then it won't be an issue. It's quite normal to offer a bit of food and drink to a visitor.

OP obviously has eating issues.

I know it's hard, but I might be honest with her and say 'You know [friend], whenever I come round here you offer me food all the time and you really don't need to, I'd much rather you relax and we can talk. If I say no, I honestly mean it and it actually makes me kind of uncomfortable when you keep asking'

Im wondering why you're talking about the op as if shes not here, greendale.

It's not an eating issue if you just don't want to eat - it's healthy to say actually I'm full I don't need to eat anything! Jesus wept - this is why we've got a country full of pre-diabetic people - because they all say 'yes' when offered something, even though they've eaten enough already.

Why should OP force food down if she's not bloody hungry, to please someone else?!

OP you'll just have to be utterly brutally (almost) clear with her, she's obviously not one who picks up on people's facial expression or any other clues so it's got to be pretty overt or she just won't hear you.

Loving the fact that op has been told she must have an eating disorder because she doesnt want to.be constantly bombarded with food and drink.when.she just wants to talk to her friend.
Having someone spend the whole time trying to force you to eat/drink and not taking no for an answer is incredibly annoying and a complete waste of time. If her friend spends the whole visit rooting through her kitchen for something else to tempt op.with it must be bloody frustrating.

On another thread people were berating op.for having one snack at work.now and again as nobody.need to snack between.meals this one they are telling her she has a disorder for not eating non stop when visiting a friend.

Only on mn.

I don’t like eating out all that much (I have a history of being very anxious at dining out- though I’m a lot better than I was) and just a very firm ‘No, I’m fine thank you’ with whoever is doing the offering usually works.

springy - I think she was replying to me.

I sympathise OP.

My mother was a feeder.

I learned to regurgitate in the toilet from the age of 8.

I don’t have food issues. I just hate constantly having to say no thank you.

Tell her you are doing a fasting test for the Dr and can only have coffee until 9 am!

To be this stressed about it then you do have food issues I'm afraid. Maybe you need to tackle those before you tackle her.

Lying will not work.

‘I can’t eat X’ will mean she goes on the hunt for Y. I don’t like A will have her looking for B.

I want to see her, not eat.

Is that all you say, just no thank you everytime?

Have you tried "that's the 4th thing you've offered me. I'm not hungry and really don't need to eat more food. Stop asking me and carry on telling me about....".

Repeat everytime. She's your friend; you can be blunt and honest.