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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be miffed about those who donate to charity instead of cards.

133 replies

Holymolymackerel · 08/12/2018 15:26

Just seen a Facebook post from a friend saying they are donating to charity this year and not sending cards.

I've already sent their card because one of the couple is dd's godfather and because I wanted to send them Christmas greetings.

Why are the two things related? Cant a donation be given and send a card too.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 08/12/2018 15:28

This is the third thread I’ve read on this in the past 3 weeks!
Honestly, are you really that bothered? Do you want a card that desperately? Most can’t be recycled anyway.

Birdsgottafly · 08/12/2018 15:29

Do cards mean that much to you that you are happy with the environmental impact and knowing that there's people going hungry that could be fed for a a few days, for the cost of a pack of cards?

VictoryOrValhalla · 08/12/2018 15:29

I think you should consider yourself very lucky to be in a place in life where this is a concern for you. Seriously, some people would rather donate than waste paper and cards that will end up in the bin in a couple of weeks. Did you send your card to receive one back?

Confusedbeetle · 08/12/2018 15:31

I gave up sending cards several years ago except to someone old and lonely. They are a waste of time and money and bad for the environment. Wish people happy Christmas, phone them up. People prefer to spend the same amount of money on a charity. We and the US were marketed to. Spend spend spend

Bambamber · 08/12/2018 15:34

Do you only send cards to people you expect a card from? Or is it a case of someone doesn't like you enough if they dont send a card?

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 08/12/2018 15:35

Well instead of spending the money on cards/stamps (which cost a fortune) they send the money to a good cause. Would you really begrudge a charity a bit of money because you want to receive a card that your going to bin in 3 weeks time?

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 08/12/2018 15:36

To be honest cards drive me mad I personally think they are the most pointless thing in the world these days

Are you honestly offended that you sent one and she isn't? That's incredibly petty

My Dsis insists on sending cards even though I have suggested she doesn't and makes a huge fuss over it, she becomes highly offended if someone doesn't send her cheap folded card with a half assed message with the family names on Hmm

It's just such an incredibly pointless thing to do so yabu

insancerre · 08/12/2018 15:37

What am I missing?
Why does them not sending cards mean they can’t receive them?

BuffaloCauliflower · 08/12/2018 15:40

Christmas cards are wasteful, especially now we know how little recycling is actually recycled. Trees cut down to sit on your sideboard for a couple of weeks before going in the bin. Call them to wish them a Happy Christmas, I’m sure they’d rather hear your voice.

LadyBumps · 08/12/2018 15:41

You said you sent a card because one is a godfather to your DC, and because you wanted to send them Christmas greetings. If that is true, then whether or not they send you a card wouldn't change your motivation for sending them a card.

My lovely mum donated to the hospice that cared for my Dad before he died this year. If ANYONE was miffed with her for doing that, I'd think they were an eejit.

Kikithewitch · 08/12/2018 15:45

I haven’t sent cards since dd was born and she’s 12.
I hate them, they’re bad for the environment as most can't be recycled and they clutter up the place. I don’t even put up any I receive.
My MIL comments every year how miserable I am. I’ve told her DH is welcome to send her one if she wants, but he never bothers.

WinterfellWench · 08/12/2018 15:55

Just 4 days ago, this EXACT thread was posted.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3442271-to-think-you-can-send-Christmas-cards-and-give-to-charity?pg=1

I do agree with you though.

WilburforceRaven · 08/12/2018 15:55

YABU

WinterfellWench · 08/12/2018 15:58

What pisses me off too, is people who are too 'cool' to send and receive Christmas cards, and have the fucking TEMERITY to say 'as soon as I get a Christmas card, I rip it up and throw it in the bin!'

How utterly fucking rude and nasty and spiteful.

And it's not exactly 'helping the environment' IS it, if you are just binning it, and not putting it in the recyclables... Hmm

Very hypocritical and disingenuous.

ArcheryAnnie · 08/12/2018 15:58

Cards are optional. Being miffed about someone not sending you a card is daft - would you really enjoy something that was sent to you purely out of social obligation?

ArcheryAnnie · 08/12/2018 15:59

Winterfell I have never ever heard anyone say this IRL. If you have, you need better friends.

user1499173618 · 08/12/2018 16:00

Like other posters, I dislike Christmas cards for environmental reasons.

Sparklingbrook · 08/12/2018 16:01

I put the Christmas cards I receive in a pile and put them in the recycling bin on Boxing Day.

I send about ten because that's as much as I think I can whittle it down to.

I don't really care if I get a card or not from anyone.

lifetothefull · 08/12/2018 16:02

I think I'd have more respect for 'I'm not sending cards this year because in all honesty I can't be arsed' than the charity line. That way I don't feel like i'm doing something wrong in their opinion by sending them.

Brocade · 08/12/2018 16:03

What, so you only send cards to people you think are going to send you one? And get miffed if they decide otherwise? Hmm

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 08/12/2018 16:05

Cant a donation be given and send a card too

But why should they spend the money twice, if they don't want to? It's their money, their time, it's up to them. It's a very petty to be "miffed" about not getting a Christmas card.

Christmas cards do my head in anyway to be honest. I hate having them clutter up surfaces but feel too guilty to shove them straight in the recycling so feel obliged to display them. They're annoying, bad for the environment and a waste of money.

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 16:05

lifetothefull I don’t send them because I can’t be arsed! If people can’t be arsed and give the money to charity instead then fair play to them. I give money to charity regularly, but I don’t give extra to make up for the lack of Christmas cards I send.

Ilovelblue · 08/12/2018 16:06

In the large global company where I worked prior to retiring, we started donating to a local charity by not sending Christmas cards around the office. The first year we did it, we made around £50, then it caught on in other parts of the building and the fundraising went up a notch. It also caught on in our sister office about 10 miles away. Some people still chose to send cards but we also did a certificate to say Mr X had donated to this particular charity and people could email it around to their colleagues if they so wished. Most people were just thankful not to have to write cards .... one less job to do!

EdisonLightBulb · 08/12/2018 16:06

I had a card cull a few years ago too, I still send a few to older ex colleagues with a little note in, and parents but that's it.

HestiaParthenos · 08/12/2018 16:06

I don't always have the energy to send cards, and I am not miffed at not receiving any, but seriously: "We donate instead of cards" is nonsense.
If you don't want to send cards, then don't, don't give such a stupid excuse.

You can donate instead of giving gifts. Lots of people do that, and I think it is a good idea. (One can still be thoughtful by giving someone a donation certificate from a charity they support)

The cost of a card is a cost in time and effort, the financial cost is neglibible ... unless you really have a LOT of friends. In which case you could still send an e-mail instead of a card, and leave it to the recipient to print it out or not.

"I want to save the money I would have spent on cards and donate it instead" sounds like bullshit ... unless your Christmas cards are extremely expensive.

Thinking about it, I often get cards for free from a charity I sometimes donate to. All I have to do is buy stamps for those.

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