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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be miffed about those who donate to charity instead of cards.

133 replies

Holymolymackerel · 08/12/2018 15:26

Just seen a Facebook post from a friend saying they are donating to charity this year and not sending cards.

I've already sent their card because one of the couple is dd's godfather and because I wanted to send them Christmas greetings.

Why are the two things related? Cant a donation be given and send a card too.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 08/12/2018 16:08

Cards are such a faff. Glitter is bad for the environment. Charities are good.

What’s the big issue here!

LlamaLoo · 08/12/2018 16:08

The purpose of a card is to convey a message. Once the message has been read, why on earth is it considered rude and spiteful to then dispose of the card?

MaddisonSeyler · 08/12/2018 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

babochka · 08/12/2018 16:15

I make and send cards every year with a personal message inside. I'm very committed to helping the environment and recycle everything I can, and the cards are all very little and made on recycled paper that can be recycled again. I entirely see that not everyone likes them, but I love a handwritten personal message (and the people who get them seem to too), and do it instead of buying gifts, which I try to make as zero waste as possible (tickets, food etc). I suppose it'd be even more zero waste not to bother but I think the total amount of waste created is about the same as recycling a couple of newspapers or a couple of large cardboard boxes, and I don't think anyone has very strong feelings about doing that.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 08/12/2018 16:17

How utterly fucking rude and nasty and spiteful

Do people really get this angry over a bit of card?

As long as they put them in with the recycling rather than the general waste I don't see the problem.

Bombardier25966 · 08/12/2018 16:18

Why are the two things related? Cant a donation be given and send a card too.

If you can afford to do both, then why not double your donation to charity? I promise you it will be more appreciated far more than some card.

NannyKasey · 08/12/2018 16:22

I have friends who don't do cards and friends that do, I send cards to those who give cards and don't for those who don't - Simple really, don't get stressed about either way.

SureIusedtobetaller · 08/12/2018 16:22

I haven’t done cards for years. It is pointless and wasteful. However if people wish to send me cards that is fine. Their choice.
I tend to say I’m going to give to charity instead (I do!) as otherwise people think it’s just mean. But then, if you say that, you’re virtue signalling. Can’t bloody win.

Starlight456 · 08/12/2018 16:26

I do always wonder if people actually donate to charity or just say they do but I am cynical .

I do send significant people and elderly cards.

Sugarformyhoney · 08/12/2018 16:26

I don’t send cards. I thank people who send them, but I don’t put them up. The kids use them for craft and then they go in the recycle. I fully expect not getting cards as I don’t send them- I’d rather not receive tbh

Sugarformyhoney · 08/12/2018 16:27

I don’t donate to charity either lol. I don’t need to donate money because I can’t be arsed to send cards.

nancybelle · 08/12/2018 16:31

I only send told relatives, people I know who are lonely and people who don’t use the internet who invariably fall into one of the first 2 categories anyway. The local dog rescue centre gets a decent donation in place of the money spent on stamps.

Nyon · 08/12/2018 16:38

We donate rather than buy cards because I buy them and then never manage to send the stupid things. Although the people I would send them to don't tend to be those who give to receive so don't care.

FuzzyCustard · 08/12/2018 16:41

I love Christmas cards and both send and receive plenty. (No glitter though, so they are recyclable)

I'd be MUCH more impressed by someone saying they are giving up presents or a massive food and drink blow-out and giving that money to charity. The cards you send might bring pleasure to someone else...the Christmas greed is purely personal!

JacquesHammer · 08/12/2018 16:44

It's all a bit "look at me, look at me, I'm donating" when people post it on social media.

Purpleartichoke · 08/12/2018 16:44

It’s the linking that bothers me.

Send cards or don’t send cards.

Donate to charity or don’t

The decisions are independent. It also smacks of people who donate to a charity as a gift to someone. Just say you don’t want to give a gift. Own that decision. Then choose to donate to charity or not.

Gilead · 08/12/2018 16:45

I give my card and stamp money to Refuge. I'm on benefits and can't afford to do both. I have my reasons for doing it and my friends fortunately, seem to understand.

JudgeRindersMinder · 08/12/2018 16:46

I stopped sending cards a few years ago when having written them all out, I realised that I was going to bed spending the best part of £50 on stamps.
That same day there was a report about the level of children affected by food poverty in my local area. I couldn’t spend that money on a piece of card to sit on someone’s mantelpiece for a couple of weeks.

Do you understand yet OP?

CanSurvive · 08/12/2018 16:47

Op I completely agree. I find it very virtue signalling. Send charity Christmas cards if you want or donate. The people I see doing this on my feed are people who can afford charity cards/donations etc (yes you didn’t know people finances, blah blah but you have a ball park).
I like picking cards out in the shop and sending them. But I’ve noticed the years I am late sending them I don’t get any back, it’s seems most people only send them if they get one from me first. But I still send them.

limpbizkit · 08/12/2018 16:50

Sounds lean spirited of me but why bother with the sanctimonious new cliché of giving to charity instead. If you don't want to send Christmas cards just don't. Nobody will even notice. Just stick to parents and anyone particularly significant.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 08/12/2018 16:52

To be honest cards drive me mad I personally think they are the most pointless thing in the world these days

Completely agree: a waste of time, money, and resources, essentially quite meaningless, and, unless you have a 6m long mantelpiece, a hassle to display

TeacupDrama · 08/12/2018 16:54

the thing is that it is the same with charity presents the giver(A) choses the charity and gives them the money they would have given you (B) whether it is 30p for a card or instead of a £10 present the giver is actually no worse off, however the receiver has bought the original giver a present/card and now has nothing,
so now charity X has £10
and A has a scarf worth £10 and the smug feeling of giving to X without actually having spent anymore than normal as she has given the £10 she would have spent on B to charity
and B has nothing but is -£10 for A's scarf
it would make far more sense for the charity caring individual A to say don't buy me a present or card please give its worth to charity X, then B can say ok if you would prefer that , and give you give mine to charity Q or B can say instead of me giving your money to Y and you giving yours to Q why don't we just give to charity instead of presents or B can say I prefer either to exchange presents or to stop buying things for each other altogether

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 08/12/2018 16:55

Well I’m not giving cards or giving to charity.

Giving cards is pointless and wasteful and I don’t care if I sound like a misery.

TeacupDrama · 08/12/2018 16:55

I think giving something to charity means giving your own money time etc not something that you would have given other people

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 16:59

I think giving something to charity means giving your own money time etc not something that you would have given other people

I don’t think I know anyone in real life who is so desperate for a card that they’d rather get one than a charity get a bit of extra cash. Thankfully.

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