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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be miffed about those who donate to charity instead of cards.

133 replies

Holymolymackerel · 08/12/2018 15:26

Just seen a Facebook post from a friend saying they are donating to charity this year and not sending cards.

I've already sent their card because one of the couple is dd's godfather and because I wanted to send them Christmas greetings.

Why are the two things related? Cant a donation be given and send a card too.

OP posts:

m0therofdragons · 08/12/2018 17:54

I don't think the two are linked. You want to give to charity then buy charity cards. I think it's uncaring and if they can't be bothered to send a card then fine but don't dress it up in doing it for charitable reasons.

With so many people suffering from depression and loneliness, I genuinely believe Christmas cards matter. I see the impact of loneliness a lot our A&E dept. Taking time to sit and write a card to show their in your mind has more impact than the tiny amount most people donate instead of doing cards. I will be doing cards and a donation to charity.

Topseyt · 08/12/2018 17:55

I don't send many cards. I just send them to my elderly parents and to my sister because we live some distance from each other and rarely get to see each other.

To wider family who we haven't had any contact with for decades, no. Not anymore. I used to send out dozens every year, but since I pared it right back it is so liberating.

I didn't really do it for any altruistic reasons. Just that it is a chore and I never got any help with it.

DH thinks that we should still send to all of the extended family, 99% of whom are his. He says he will do it since I put my foot down, but oddly enough he never gets around to it.

Lots of people really have neither the time nor the inclination to write so many Christmas cards now. Working parents for example.

Keep contact at all special times, by phone, text or email. Don't take it personally. I think they picked a crap excuse, but it doesn't mean that they don't consider you to be a good friend, or that your role as godparent is in any way diminished.

Birdsgottafly · 08/12/2018 17:55

babochka, did you miss the campaign to cut down on unnecessary packaging? Likewise people read the papers online.

Where do you get recyable glue from? What does 'making cards' entale, were they are fully recyable?

Your missing the point that giving cards can be easily stopped, so should be.

m0therofdragons · 08/12/2018 17:55

They're not their and other typos. Sorry but you get the idea

catlovingdoctor · 08/12/2018 17:56

I would be very pleased if everyone who was to ever give a card to me for the rest of my life spent the equivalent cost on a suitable charity donation instead.

bananafish81 · 08/12/2018 17:56

My friends certainly do NOT do this, as they are not petty and mean-spirited, and sanctimonious. They would NEVER rip up a Christmas card that someone had been kind enough to give.

Is it the ripping up or the binning that's the hurtful thing? I put cards straight in the recycling, don't tend to rip them up because they're small enough to go in whole, only rip up larger stuff like cereal boxes

I wouldn't tell anyone IRL because that would be rude. I read the message and that's the important bit. I'd personally rather receive a personalised text from someone than a generic 'Dear Banana and Mr banana, merry Xmas and happy new year, love from Bert and Ernie' card that could be from or to anyone. It's the message that matters, not the medium. Why does it matter that the card goes in with the other paper recycling after reading?

I would rather people didn't send cards as it's a waste of paper and stamps and they could just as easily get in touch by text or email or calling. And it places the obligation on the recipient to reciprocate. I send a nice message to them to thank them and wish them merry Xmas, but I feel guilty that they will judge me for not sending them a card, just like in this thread! So then I end up buying cards and stamps just to send them a card lest I cause offence.

SparklesAndUnicorns · 08/12/2018 18:02

I have never sent cards and never will I think it's pointless and a waste of paper, sending money to charity is a lot better thing to be spending time and money on imo

GrabEmByThePatriarchy · 08/12/2018 18:14

@grab em I was being honest. I have young children. That's where my priority lays so I won't be giving up my time for charity this year at Christmas. Another year I may

I don't volunteer on Christmas Day either, but telling people to do that instead of donate money when you're not actually prepared to do it yourself is very strange.

On the subject of chucking cards, I do rather wonder what people think those of us who don't want them should do? I don't get many, but they don't get put up because I don't want to. The kids might draw on them or whatever but ultimately they don't give me any pleasure because I don't personally see any point in them, and recycling is where they're going to end up sooner rather than later. Anyone who has a problem with this, if you're quite certain none of your friends would do it then best to MYOB, and if there's a nagging doubt at the back of your mind, perhaps make it a resolution not to send a card to anyone you don't know will welcome it.

dippledorus · 08/12/2018 18:16

I give to charity instead of christmas cards. I only send to very elderly relatives who haven't got social media - everyone else gets a card by email and a bit of news in the email.

I give £100 to charity (cancer charity as my mother died of cancer) but I don't tell anyone on the emails how much I give.

dippledorus · 08/12/2018 18:16

Sorry posted too soon.

Why is that a problem?

PickAChew · 08/12/2018 18:24

I don't drive a car, btw.

Kikithewitch · 08/12/2018 18:25

Cards that have glitter on are not recyclable.
I volunteer at my children’s school and scout group all year round, and at Christmas I donate to a microloan charity.
I try very much to watch what we throw away, surely it’s better to reduce than recycle?

limpbizkit · 08/12/2018 18:27

@grab em. I was trying to make a point different to what you're picking up on but obviously I haven't articulated it correctly in my post

Serin · 08/12/2018 18:33

I only really send to DSIL and a few elderly relatives who live alone and to whom getting a card really means something.

OffToBedhampton · 08/12/2018 18:37

Well OP, I do think YAB(a bit)U
I hate sending cards as the postage is a rip off! I do send to god-daughters as I send pressies in post anyway and to DCs godparents as post their pressies toobfrom DD. But if it was just Xmas cards I do this too as it's £10 extra at least to my late DSis's favourite charity that I donate online each year. I have umpteen cousins and aunties so it's a lot of money for us. Some of my cousins and aunties are old fashioned and send cards which is nice but I run out of room and really don't like having more than 15 Xmas cards! We already have mountains from DCs friends. But I suspect I might be a bit bahumbug about cards!

Gilead · 08/12/2018 21:56

Gosh there are some judgy, spiteful people on this thread!

babochka · 08/12/2018 22:51

Birdsgottafly No, as I said I try really hard to operate as close to a zero waste houseas possible - we get a lot of food and household supplies by refilling containers and much of the rest is homegrown and unpackaged - this is all year around. Almost all gifts this year are food or something non-physical like a ticket/membership. But, as I was trying to say in my post, people seem to have really conflated sending any cards with buying lots of recyclable cards, when it's possible to send out something really small. They definitely are recyclable, I just print the front with a stamp using a child-safe water soluble ink. And, as I also acknowledged, they're not zero waste and do create recycling, but as they're tiny and there aren't many of them I think their impact is pretty small (especially compared to say, buying a magazine, or receiving any regular post). I see on this thread that a lot of people seem to really hate cards, but I'm in the camp of really enjoying a personal handwritten message once a year and so I've thought hard about how to do that in the lowest impact way I can.

babochka · 08/12/2018 22:52

Argh, non-recyclable*!

Picknickers · 08/12/2018 23:10

My OH is literally a tree hugger by profession. (Arborist) and refuses to send cards due to waste of trees. I have to tell certain family members every year that we don't do cards and don't expect cards and put up with the snidey comments. I think donating to charity instead is nice.

Mustangwally · 08/12/2018 23:17

I buy charity cards and I like to send them, it sometimes reminds me of people I haven't talked to in a while and need to catch up with. It's also nice getting them in the post and they can always be recycled. It's nice to know someone remembers you and has taken time out of their day to send you good wishes. So much of that is lost nowadays.

I'm a firm believer in each to their own, however, I had to roll my eyes at my sil who is lazy and last minute with everything, announcing on Facebook that she was giving money to charity instead of cards. She then got a barrage of fawning messages telling how generous she was. We knew she just couldn't be bothered to send cards yet somehow managed to turn it around to make her sound wonderful. I have my suspicions about whether any actual money was given to charity or not!

shiveringtimber · 08/12/2018 23:21

Do people actually still send Christmas cards?

WendyWoofer · 08/12/2018 23:26

I haven't sent Christmas cards for 5 years. Last year I scaled down the present giving too. This year I've scaled it down even more.

Christmas is about spending quality time with family members.

It isn't about who gives and/receives most cards or presents.

OffToBedhampton · 09/12/2018 00:18

@Mustangwally. That's really nice you do that xxx And like you I suspect your sister hasn't donated.

But some of us genuinely do donate - I don't think bought charity cards would donate via that mechanism as much as I do as I literally donate the postage and it goes to my late sisters favourite charity, our large family made a pact when she died last year. (And also I send cards to close family and God children as I'm sending them a pressie anyway) so it is a real & kind sensible thing for some of us!!

Mustangwally · 09/12/2018 07:30

OfftoBedhampton I'm so sorry you lost your sister. Christmas must be a hard time for you but it's wonderful that the family find such a positive way of remembering her. Everyone just has to do what's best for them. Whether it's sending someone a card or giving to charity, it's all kindness.

ElainaElephant · 09/12/2018 07:45

I hate sending cards as the postage is a rip off!

I disagree. I can send a card from the north of Unst to the south of Cornwall for just 56p. Over 800 miles. And it will get there in 2 or 3 days.

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