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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be miffed about those who donate to charity instead of cards.

133 replies

Holymolymackerel · 08/12/2018 15:26

Just seen a Facebook post from a friend saying they are donating to charity this year and not sending cards.

I've already sent their card because one of the couple is dd's godfather and because I wanted to send them Christmas greetings.

Why are the two things related? Cant a donation be given and send a card too.

OP posts:
GrabEmByThePatriarchy · 08/12/2018 17:02

YABU and extremely silly. If you want to send cards, knock yourself out, but you've no right to get upset because other people don't want to participate in the custom.

MaidenMotherCrone · 08/12/2018 17:02

I don’t send cards and haven’t for about 20 years. Pointless. As a pp said just say Merry Christmas to the person or phone/ email. Recycling difficulties aside those cards don’t miraculously land on your doorstep and the transportation involved also has an environmental impact.

ILoveautumnleaves · 08/12/2018 17:04

I like getting cards, I like having them up.
I like choosing cards, I like sending people cards.

If anyone I send one to would rather not get one, I’d rather they told me that, than me waste my time, effort and money for them to just throw them away in irritation. However, I know my family and friends don’t do that.

Whether you send cards or not is your choice.
Whether you make donations or not is your choice.
But two are not related.

Environmental impact. Well, when you’ve stopped flying, driving, eating imported food, buying imported goods, buying fashion clothing, unnecessary toiletries, unnecessary cleaning products, meat and using your tumble dryer etc...feel free to get back to me about what a dispicable person I am for buying (charity funding, recycle-able) Christmas Cards.

Cachailleacha · 08/12/2018 17:04

I send charity cards to elderly relatives, great aunts and uncles mainly who I know like receiving cards. I don't have many Christmas decorations so the cards I receive back brighten up my home for Christmas. I just string them up over a window.

WinterfellWench · 08/12/2018 17:05

@ArcheryAnne

Winterfell I have never ever heard anyone say that IRL (that they rip up Christmas cards they receive, and bin them.) If you have, you need better friends.

Eh, WTF are you on about?! I am on about people on the internet/message forums/mumsnet. Pretty obvious!

And I never said it was my friends.... Don't make stuff up to suit your agenda! Hmm

My friends certainly do NOT do this, as they are not petty and mean-spirited, and sanctimonious. They would NEVER rip up a Christmas card that someone had been kind enough to give.

You have to be a special kind of narcissistic spiteful individual to do that. As I said, it's a mean and spiteful thing to do. If I knew anyone I had given a card to had ripped it up, they would be ghosted pretty sharpish. Don't need that kind of toxic and negative person in my life.

Original poster
Holymolymackerel · 08/12/2018 17:05

I was asking because in recent years I have reduced the amount of cards I send for environmental reasons, I still send about 10 or so to significant people though.

I guess I was miffed that despite being godparent we were included in a Facebook post about not sending them. I take being a godparent a responsible job even if others don't.

I also don't advertise my charity donations either. Fair enough not to send cards but a 2 second Facebook post saying such doesn't seem very christmassy or charitable.

OP posts:
lanbro · 08/12/2018 17:05

I won't be sending cards this year...I'm working 80hr weeks right up to Christmas eve, I could probably buy some, may even write them but the chance of them being sent rather than forgotten about under my counter is slim to none! I won't donate the equivalent amount to charity but I have done a huge food bank collection and am currently collecting for the homeless, I'm happy with my decision! Really not bothered if I receive any either!

Mumberjack · 08/12/2018 17:09

We do family cards but not cards in general, and tend to donate to charity instead.
Reason being, The year we lost our baby daughter it felt both wrong to write from me and DH, but also too upsetting to write her name in the cards. To be honest every time I write a card from us as a family there’s a bit of sadness that her name isn’t there.
So the PP who assume that people who don’t send cards are doing it to be dicks, sometimes it’s not as black and white.

TooManyPaws · 08/12/2018 17:10

Fair enough not to send cards but a 2 second Facebook post saying such doesn't seem very christmassy or charitable.

And how else would you tell everyone that it's not just that they've been culled from the list but no one is getting a card - write to them? Giving to charity seems a far more Christian thing than a Victorian custom started before the options for communicating good wishes that we have today.

WinterfellWench · 08/12/2018 17:10

As as few posters have said, people claiming that they are giving to charity is just an excuse for people to not send cards, because they can't be arsed. At least have the decency to admit it.

Also (as people have said,) why announce you are giving money to charity? Why do you think people need to know? Confused It's a bit narcissistic and showy. Bragging about doing a 'good deed' is very crass and tacky.

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 17:11

You can be a responsible godparent without sending a Christmas card.

edwardcullensotherwoman · 08/12/2018 17:15

I think you're putting too much thought into the reason for the email/message. It could be boasts from some people, but I'd think the majority are just doing it to let you know why you're not getting a card. If they didn't send one but didn't send the message either, you'd think they were being rude!

I've reduced the number of cards I send over the years, but this year I'm donating what I would have spent in cards to my sons nursery, who are in desperate need of funds. I would hope people would understand that, and if they didn't then quite frankly I'm not interested in being their friend.
Also, being miffed at not receiving a cars from someone you've already given one to smacks of giving to receive, which is just as bad as virtue boasting imo.
Merry Christmas! Xmas Grin

limpbizkit · 08/12/2018 17:16

I just find some people's reasons for not sending Christmas cards really hoity. Environmental damage? They're card ffs. Highly recyclable. You're probably doing the environment a favour. If you truly have a heart big enough to give to charity instead you wouldn't need to advertise it unless you were looking for a pat on the back for saying so. The value of Christmas cards? Tenner? That's a drop in the ocean to any charity. I'd rather give up my time to volunteer or give food to a homeless Christmas dinner event (I won't as I have young children as a priority on Christmas day) but if I wanted to sincerely make a contribution to a charity selflessly that's what I'd do. There's nothing wrong with being blunt and honest and just tell people you're not sending them this year. Same as if people want to that's grand too. No need for reasons or excuses or boastful equivalents of where your money is going.

PurpleDaisies · 08/12/2018 17:21

Environmental damage? They're card ffs. Highly recyclable. You're probably doing the environment a favour.

How are you doing the environment a favour? It’s obviously better not to use the resources on the first place than recycling them afterwards.

GrabEmByThePatriarchy · 08/12/2018 17:21

Whether you send cards or not is your choice.
Whether you make donations or not is your choice.
But two are not related.

They are if you're deliberately taking the money you would spend on cards and stamps and then using it for a charitable donation instead.

Personally I've never actually sent cards, so I don't have a card and stamp budget I could specifically allocate to anything else. But given that some people do, it's bemusing how many people don't get that there's a very clear and undeniable connection between deciding to stop sending cards and using that money for a charitable donation instead. By all means don't agree with it, or do agree with it but think people shouldn't talk about it or whatever. But if someone is actively substituting one use of money for another as a conscious decision, the two things are connected.

limpbizkit · 08/12/2018 17:27

@purple yes but we're humans. We all use and buy things. You're not going to eradicate the use of paper! There's far far worse damage to the environment than Christmas cards. I bet 99%of people that claim the environment reason all drive a car.

NoIsACompleteAnswerSometimes · 08/12/2018 17:28

I send to some elderly friends who don't have internet. The money I spend on cards and stamps gets spent on nice christmassy stuff for the food bank, like advent calendars for kiddies who can't afford them, nice chocolate treats for the tree, stuff like that. Our food bank tries to do up Christmas hampers and asks for these sort of things at this time of year. I always give items regularly as well throughout the year, but i do an extra big one at Christmas. I tell people what I'm doing and if they don't want to send me a card that's fine.

PurpleDaisies · 08/12/2018 17:31

You're not going to eradicate the use of paper! There's far far worse damage to the environment than Christmas cards

That’s such a short-sighted, small-minded view of things. If everyone made small changes, that all adds up.

GrabEmByThePatriarchy · 08/12/2018 17:32

I'd rather give up my time to volunteer or give food to a homeless Christmas dinner event (I won't as I have young children as a priority on Christmas day)

So you're telling people it would be better to volunteer on Christmas Day instead of giving money to charity, but volunteering isn't important enough for you to be prepared to volunteer on Christmas Day yourself? Because I'm pretty sure given the choice between getting some cash and getting fuck all, most charities will choose the former. Not that all charities need Christmas volunteers anyway. Fine if you're supporting the homeless, but you're probably not going to nip over to South Sudan to do a bit of clinical work for MSF on the 25th.

CarrieBlu · 08/12/2018 17:36

We only write about 7-10 cards a year, all to elderly relatives. If anyone sends us cards, we display them over the festive period, then I pop them into my DC craft box so she can cut them up/stick/draw on them. When she’s finished with them and they’re scraps I throw them into the recycling.

Mayra1367 · 08/12/2018 17:38

We have decided not to send cards this year and will donate the money spent on cards and stamps to charity. Part of our motivation is environmental but also the fact that cards /stamps are getting so expensive we feel the money can be used better elsewhere. We have always bought charity cards but even buying direct from a charity does not mean all the money spent goes to a good cause .

limpbizkit · 08/12/2018 17:40

@grab em I was being honest. I have young children. That's where my priority lays so I won't be giving up my time for charity this year at Christmas. Another year I may

PickAChew · 08/12/2018 17:46

Why miffed?

How many thousands of tons of cards must be sent, hung sideways on something for a few weeks, then chucked away, with many not even being fully recyclable.

I used to pride myself on my card sending ninja organisational skills, then one year, other stuff got in the way and I only sent a few out, at the last minute. I didn't actually receive many, that year. I've kept to a very short list, ever since.

BeardedMum · 08/12/2018 17:49

I don’t send and never even open cards sent to me.

Itsear · 08/12/2018 17:53

Sending cards is dying out, I would much rather a £1 was donated to charity for every Christmas card that is posted. I stopped sending cards several years ago and in my experience it is only the older generation (and school kids) that bother with Christmas cards.

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