To think it's not ok that our neighbours have buried their mother in the garden

[temporarilynamechanging]

Two middle aged brothers live next door to us with their elderly mum in a house which could well appear in a documentary. The mum's funeral was this week and the grave is in their garden. I'm not sure they won't be sleeping on it. Weird?

My husband and MIL are buried in her garden I. A. Orange with their wishes. It’s surprisingly easy to do. IIRC, you just have to ensure it is more then 150 m from a water source and register the grave with the Land Registry.

Read this for information.

www.gardenlaw.co.uk/gardenburial.html

Oh busy I'm sorry :(

@PremierNaps

Love when an OP loses their shit because they don't like the responses they get.
You on the right thread?

As long as she's dead..
Odd choice I guess, but maybe it's what she stipulated? If she's always lived there then why would she not want to be a permanent fixture?

Sack in boot of the car.

Hmm! Keep your friends close and your dead relatives closer.

Each to their own really, I wouldn;t choose to do it, it wouldn't bother me living next door to it, and if I bought a house where somone had been buried in the garden, I'd just plant flowers over it.

A friend of mine has her Dad, Mum and sister's graves in her garden. Although her garden is more of the land of her estate (house is a big old manor house type thing which she runs as a specialist health retreat) but same principle I guess.

People get a bit het up over dead bodies - they are just organic matter, really no different from burying your beloved pets in the garden.

I read this and was like WTAF , but tbh the more I think about the more it doesn't seem that strange, especially when considering plenty of people have loved ones ashes in earns in their homes or beloved pets buried in their gardens ... maybe it's not the norm but I can't say it's totally strange.

I really don’t get this. Why are people afraid of graves? The occupants are dead! Please will one of you ‘I’d never buy a house with a grave in the garden’ people explain to me e aptly what you are afraid of?

I don’t think it’s being cared but a permanent reminder if your mortality isn’t exactly cheerful is it?

What if you want to build a patio or swimming pool? I’d feel a bit disrespectful stepping over a burial ground of having a barbecue next to someone’s final resting place. What if people wanted to pop over to pay their respects?

I can imagine it if you have quite a lot of land, to be buried in a place that you loved ( eg Diana on an island at her ancestral home). Bit odd if it’s a suburban back garden, I would worry about if and when I would have to sell the house and then wouyhave no access to the grave. Likewise, I would happily buy a large property of many acres with a grave in it, but would steer clear of a small plot that is 30% grave...

My sister and brother in law have said that they want to be buried on their farm. I’m not 100% sure if they really do!

Busybusybust, I would not be afraid of the dead body, but if the grave took up a substantial part of the garden I would find it potentially limiting- you would be limited with what you could do with that part of your garden and I would feel really bad about doing something like removing a headstone.

poster PennyMordauntsLadyBrain no , not necessarily. We had a clause written into the sales stuff that the descendants of the deceased could visit the graves with prior notice, and indeed we do from time to time.

I think it’s creepy. I wouldn’t buy a house with corpses buried in the garden.

Diva66 but why is it creepy?

I wouldn't find it creepy, but I wouldn't buy a house where I had to agree to the descendants visiting, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. That would also mean I couldn't do what I wanted with my garden as they probably wouldn't be happy if I put down decking or a patio or a shed. I would feel the descendants would still have some sort of hold over the garden.

I’m with the OP
It’s weird sorry!

Having ashes in your home is ever so slightly different to having one or more cadavers buried next door for Christ's sake! Don't they need planning permission? 😡

I think it's lovely! Ask A Mortician did an episode about this, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Maybe it's not about relatives being close to the deceased, but about the deceased being buried in a place that they knew and loved.

So if the relatives move away, it's not a huge issue.

DP is buried on family land for that reason.

I think the more perhaps relevant question is the reasons behind the decision and the effects on the lives of her Sons.

In the short term a place they can visit in the garden and feel close to their Mother, whilst they come to terms with their loss.

In the years ahead possibly not such a good idea, if they want to get on with their continuing lives and look forwards and not backwards.

I write from experience on the issue as when my own Father passed away, he was cremated and his urn placed in a plot in the local village cemetery.

That would seem ok to most people and acceptable, except that you could see the plot from my Mothers bedroom window.

For the first year or so Mother found it comforting but as the years passed, she found it conflicting, as she was getting on with her life and when she moved over 10 years ago, she admitted she felt far happier away from the memories.

It's "living memory" or about 100 years that a grave in a cemetery is "guaranteed" for

Only 50 years in our local cemetery.

I would like to bury DP in the back garden if he died before me. He has made me promise not to do this. But just seems a lot more personal than a cemetery.