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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's not ok that our neighbours have buried their mother in the garden

145 replies

temporarilynamechanging · 08/12/2018 12:15

Two middle aged brothers live next door to us with their elderly mum in a house which could well appear in a documentary. The mum's funeral was this week and the grave is in their garden. I'm not sure they won't be sleeping on it. Weird?

OP posts:
TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 08/12/2018 12:54

It’s perfectly legal and quite easy, we buried our daughter in our garden and we’re not landed gentry, we live in a three bed London terrace.

It was amusing in hindsight going through the legalities. I don’t think it was a normal conversation to have with the mortgage provider’s helpline and when we called the council to clarify water routes, the woman on the other end burst into tears and left the phone meaning her boss picked up the phone and demanded to know what DH had said to her.

Bunnybigears · 08/12/2018 12:54

If they have done it legally which I imagine they have or the undertaker wouldnt release the body to them then I dont see your problem. Unless you are suggesting they have bumped her off?

ViragoKnows · 08/12/2018 12:56

I know too, too much aboit this stuff after underwriting a re-mortgage on a property with a pair of graves in the garden.

Ehat did you conclude anout the effect on the valuation?

BarbarianMum · 08/12/2018 12:59

I can see why you might not like it but they're not doing anything wrong and really it's nothing to do with you.

FourFuxxakes · 08/12/2018 13:00

It's probably saved them quite a lot of money tbh.

I can't see a problem with it though. It's not like she's going to rise up and go wandering in the night, is it?

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 08/12/2018 13:00

Well if you don't want them cremated (or indeed they didn't want to be) they have to be buried somewhere Cheese. Why not at home where you can be near them if it gives you comfort? Especially if it's a family home. It's not something I would do says she who's just dusted an urn or want but that doesn't make it wrong.

To think it's not ok that our neighbours have buried their mother in the garden
Original poster
temporarilynamechanging · 08/12/2018 13:00

Normal detached house and garden. I don't think they will ever sell. It's almost derelict and literally full of hoarded stuff. They used undertakers so it's all legal, it just feels unusual and a bit sad. It's nothing to do with me I know. I just wondered what others' views were.

OP posts:
WinterfellWench · 08/12/2018 13:03

Weird for sure. But not illegal. As has been said, you just need to get a licence.

Why on earth would you DO that though? #weird

And yeah, when they try to sell the home, they will HAVE to declare the body is buried there! Shock

Call me fussy, but I would never buy a property with a human body buried in the garden. 😳😵💀

BarbarianMum · 08/12/2018 13:08

Is it more weird than having someone's ashes on the masterpiece or wearing jewellery incorporating some of them? It's just another way of holding a loved one close.

FourFuxxakes · 08/12/2018 13:09

Call me fussy, but I would never buy a property with a human body buried in the garden. As someone said above, you'd be hard pushed in Britain to find some land where noone has ever been buried at some point in the distant past. They're not going to come and haunt you so it's really not a problem.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 08/12/2018 13:11

Why not at home where you can be near them if it gives you comfort?

Because I’d be worried that the people who purchased the house after I’d gone or been forced to sell wouldn’t treat my loved ones grave with respect, never mind maintaining it.

At least in a cemetery you’ve paid for a plot and there’s some guarantee that the interred won’t be disturbed for a long, long time. If I buried my parents in their garden I couldn’t then be annoyed that the new owners of the house chose to pop a water feature on their headstone.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 08/12/2018 13:14

Quite Four. It's like saying you'd never buy a house someone died in. Unless it was in awful circumstances, or a new build how would you ever know?

3 people have died in my childhood home. The 2 original owners (who lived in it from new) & my Dad (so actually 50% of the people that have lived there). But because they just simply died it's not something you'd find out easily.

waxy1 · 08/12/2018 13:14

If I bought a property with a grave, I’d just remove all marking and forget about it.

WinterfellWench · 08/12/2018 13:16

Yeah I know people MAY have been buried on land in the distant past, but you wouldn't know about that. When it's someone's mother who was buried in the back garden last year/the year before! No thanks!

WinterfellWench · 08/12/2018 13:17

bernard are all those family members who 'died in your childhood home' buried in the back garden?!

Thought not. Wink

easyandy101 · 08/12/2018 13:18

At least in a cemetery you’ve paid for a plot and there’s some guarantee that the interred won’t be disturbed for a long, long time. If I buried my parents in their garden I couldn’t then be annoyed that the new owners of the house chose to pop a water feature on their headstone

They scrape old graves and rebury the remains so they can reuse that plot, if you go up to kensal rise then that's what all the headstones stacked at one end are about. It's also on lots of different layers where at one time they were removing the headstones, adding another 6ft of earth and then using that location again

easyandy101 · 08/12/2018 13:19

It's "living memory" or about 100 years that a grave in a cemetery is "guaranteed" for

Silkie2 · 08/12/2018 13:19

I was always taught to not walk on the graves in a cemetery but if it's in the garden you could do anything over it.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 08/12/2018 13:21

I know easyandy101, but that is extremely unlikely to happen within the lifetime of anyone who knew and loved any of those people in those graves.

Burial on private property means you completely lose control as soon as you sell the land, not 100+ years after the person passes away.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 08/12/2018 13:23

It's not so weird really, just not usually done. But the remains of 101 billion humans have already gone somewhere under your feet. Sleep well...

BarbarianMum · 08/12/2018 13:31

They can always move the body if they sell and buy somewhere else. And quite a few cemetry plots are for 50 or 60 years not 100 - we are just trying to decide whether to renew my grans.

NiceViper · 08/12/2018 13:33

"They can always move the body if they sell and buy somewhere else"

Very much doubt that - you need Home Office permission for disinterment and it's not usually granted solely because the bereaved want a move

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/12/2018 13:35

Sounds like they have some MH issues going on OP, possibly reclusive? Understandable that they would want their mother with them, like you say the house won't come up for sale. No issue really.

BarbarianMum · 08/12/2018 13:37

Oh I didnt know that Viper. Its quite easily done in Spain (bodies get a wall burrial for 25 years then you move the skeleton).

recently · 08/12/2018 13:40

I think it would be strange knowing there was someone buried in the garden but I can understand why people do it. I wouldn't buy a house with a known grave in it though (unless a huge country estate!) Our friends were doing some building work recently and discovered three graves! It ended up being very expensive to have them moved.

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