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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's not ok that our neighbours have buried their mother in the garden

145 replies

temporarilynamechanging · 08/12/2018 12:15

Two middle aged brothers live next door to us with their elderly mum in a house which could well appear in a documentary. The mum's funeral was this week and the grave is in their garden. I'm not sure they won't be sleeping on it. Weird?

OP posts:
dustyparadeground · 08/12/2018 13:45

We've got 3 dogs in ours! Bit weird to bury a body though I mean unless it's a criminal matter in which case it's perfectly normal lol just ask Fred and Rose

ElsieCat · 08/12/2018 13:49

Wow I had no idea this was even legal. Shock

ElsieCat · 08/12/2018 13:49

Dogs are one thing, but your mother? ConfusedShock

TheSpottedZebra · 08/12/2018 13:57

Sorry for your loss, TheDisillusionedAnarchist hope bought you some comfort having her close by.

Not the same at all, but we scattered my dad's ashes in the garden of his/my mum's house. She still lives there. It was his wish, and he loved that garden. So many people are disgusted at the scattering, or are concerned what we'll do when my mum moves. Erm - nothing!

DaffydownClock · 08/12/2018 14:05

It really wouldn't bother me tuppence if there was a grave in my garden, the deceased is not going to harm you.

mogtheexcellent · 08/12/2018 14:33

I knew someone with the grave of their young child in the garden. They sold it a few years later and left the child there. I always thought it was sad she was left behind and I'm not sure the new owners knew about it.

brizzledrizzle · 08/12/2018 14:34

Many people have skeletons in the closet so why not in the garden?

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 08/12/2018 14:41

It’s sad that if the house ever does resell there’s a chance that they will want the grave removed.

StroppyWoman · 08/12/2018 14:41

I don't think it would bother me. It's kind of sweet, really.

Racecardriver · 08/12/2018 14:55

If I had a house that I intended to live in forever I would totally do this.

Poloshot · 08/12/2018 15:05

None of your business as long as they've gone through the correct process

AlexisCubadgee · 08/12/2018 15:09

This reply has been deleted

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PinkSparklyPussyCat · 08/12/2018 15:10

I presume when the house is sold the family give up all rights over the plot and you won't get family members wanting to visit?

recovery18 · 08/12/2018 15:12

YABU

Why do you think it's "not OK?"

It's not illegal and I don't think it's weird at all.

Marcipex · 08/12/2018 15:29

DisillusionedAnarchist 💐🐘💐

NewName54321 · 08/12/2018 15:48

Re: sleeping on the grave: this is a thing.
My mum's neighbour's husband passed away last year and is buried in the local cemetery. Various sons and adult grandsons slept on the grave on different nights when he was first buried and other occasions, e.g. anniversary of his death.

LEELULUMPKIN · 08/12/2018 15:50

It is legal. I've looked into it for myself. You do have tell any future buyers though.

TinkysWinky · 08/12/2018 17:11

just out of interest - if they sold and decided to leave the body undisturbed, would the new owners be allowed to remove it?

DGRossetti · 08/12/2018 17:20

It's a reminder that we live in a liberal democracy. Anything not forbidden is allowed.

just out of interest - if they sold and decided to leave the body undisturbed, would the new owners be allowed to remove it?

There's "no property in a dead body". Presumably on your land you can do whatever you want ?

I think if the land was consecrated there's a requirement that the body be re-interred in a consecrated site ?

Saracen · 09/12/2018 02:08

I think it's a rather lovely idea, though I do take the point about what happens if/when the bereaved relatives move away.

In our society we have become very separated from death. I can see that it might be comforting to have your loved one near. It strikes me as less strange than burying them in a cemetery!

I'd be perfectly happy to buy a property which had someone buried in the garden. If it were a recent burial, I'd expect a price reduction to reflect the fact that I'd feel morally obliged to maintain the grave, just in case relatives ever visited. I'd hate to risk offend them by putting the area to some use they might think was disrespectful.

howmanyslippers · 09/12/2018 02:40

@mogtheexcellent that is so sad Sad

Psychonaut · 09/12/2018 02:53

Oh. My. God. WTAF?

Dongdingdong · 09/12/2018 04:26

Do you definitely have to declare it when selling a property? It’s not a question I remember seeing on the seller information form when we moved house.

BlackBeltInPresentWrapping · 09/12/2018 05:52

It sounds sad to me, not weird. I would think it is a decision linked to the hoarding - the impossibility of letting something, or rather someone, go. It is perhaps the only way they can cope with their mum's death, to have her so near, and it will hopefully bring them some comfort. We don't all grieve, or view death, in the same way. They're not harming anyone, and there are far worse neighbours to have.

The family near to us who also did this had a large garden but not quite a country estate. There were no MH or hoarding issues. They just wanted their family members to be in a place they had loved over many years, and to be close by. When the house was sold some years later following the death of the surviving parent, I understand that a codicil was put on the deeds stipulating that the graves could not be disturbed. It was a lovely house and sold quickly at a fair price.

It wouldn't bother me, and I'd have no objection to letting family members visit on anniversaries once or twice a year, or even putting flowers on or keeping it tidy myself. Having lost both parents, I know how important these things can be. We all need a bit of care and kindness, after all - including these brothers, by the sound of it.

NopeNi · 09/12/2018 06:00

So did you just want everyone to mock them OP? You sound charming.

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