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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or are the school?

134 replies

mummy207 · 07/12/2018 17:20

Have had a phonecall this afternoon from DS school to say that he could be in very serious trouble and facing a day isolation as he said to a teacher to "add him on snapchat". The lady who phoned (pastoral support) said that he might be in isolation but I will be hearing from the head of year (still not happened?) and I need to have a serious chat with him about boundaries as this is totally unacceptable.

Now I get the chat about boundaries which I have done when DS came in, but he says he was just joking and it was stupid but there was nothing to it and the teacher didn't even react badly at the time she just laughed and said no! So I am very surprised school have rung me and said this, AIBU to say to the school that I think isolation would be unacceptable for this (small) mistake he has made? Or am I missing something and this is an isolation offence? Not sure if anyone who works in a school can advise whether this would be the usual punishment for this sort of thing!

OP posts:

userblablabla · 07/12/2018 17:21

That does seem like a vast overreaction

Jackshouse · 07/12/2018 17:21

What is the context? I think we are missing some information here.

Andro · 07/12/2018 17:25

The matter appears to have been managed appropriately thus far, so unless there's a whole to this you either don't know or haven't posted the school is heading into mountain and mole-hill territory!

Andro · 07/12/2018 17:27

That should say 'a whole lot more to this that you either don't know or haven't posted'

Original poster

mummy207 · 07/12/2018 17:27

@Jackshouse what sort of context? When the lady phoned she literally just said he had asked a teacher to add him on snapchat!

When I asked him he said that him and his friends had just been messing about a bit and they had been chatting to the teacher about what they were doing at the weekend then he said miss add me up on snapchat and you can see! He said he was quite obviously joking..

Obviously i wasn't there though

OP posts:

sirfredfredgeorge · 07/12/2018 17:29

Putting a child in isolation for asking a teacher to enable them to contact via social media does not sound like an appropriate response no - particularly if the immediate response from the teacher is no (since a school behaviour policy needs to be rigorously and consistently applied via all members of staff).

Holidayshopping · 07/12/2018 17:30

Bizarre! How old is he?

GreenTulips · 07/12/2018 17:33

It was far to personal to even request it really. I think there's more too this

Walkingdeadfangirl · 07/12/2018 17:35

What age was your DS and the teacher. Was he perhaps flirting with her and trying to 'chat' her up? I wonder what her side of the story is! What exactly was he wanting the teacher to see on his snap chat? Can easily see that your DS was being inappropriate.

Haffdonga · 07/12/2018 17:37

Was he saying it in a way that could be taken as 'flirty'?

If it was banter about what he was up to at the weekend and he was implying by tone of voice that he was inviting a younger female teacher to be involved then I can see why it would have been highly inappropriate.

arethereanyleftatall · 07/12/2018 17:41

Either:

There's far more to this
You are right, this is a complete overreaction.

I would speak to them to get their version of events, but yes, if they can give no more offence that this, then isolation seems way ott.

theduchessstill · 07/12/2018 17:42

If it's exactly as you describe it's a bit much. But I feel there's more, perhaps to do with the 'messing around' you mention. The teacher was obviously moved to report it - I wonder why...

tinytemper66 · 07/12/2018 17:43

Is he over 13? That is how old you have to be to have Snapchat.

Original poster

mummy207 · 07/12/2018 17:45

He's 15.

I've just asked him how old she is. He said she is "young ish" but he doesn't know. I don't feel I can really ask the school how old the teacher is.

I dont know if he was flirting. I asked him that and he said "no it was just banter" but as I say, I wasn't there. I think I will ask for a meeting in school to see the head of year to see if there are any further concerns with him. I do agree with you all that it seems there would be more to it, but equally if they have further concerns shouldn't they have told me already? I get a few texts home about detentions and very occasional behaviour stuff but I have not had any contact from head of year about any major concerns. I also am annoyed the head of year hasn't phoned me as the woman earlier said that he would!

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2018 17:46

I'd also assume he was aiming for flirting with her. A bantery "ah miss you should add me then you can see what I'm up to" theater than a causal you should add me miss

Underhisi · 07/12/2018 17:46

The teacher would have reported this as inappropriate behaviour. It may had made her feel uncomfortable and even if it didn't it could have led to "stories" doing the rounds. The school are wanting to make it clear it is not acceptable.

Original poster

mummy207 · 07/12/2018 17:47

Also to confirm again the woman who called earlier literally just said it was because he asked a teacher to add him on snapchat. She didn't say anything else had happened which surely she would have if more had happened? He also says he wasn't removed from the lesson or told off by the teacher!

OP posts:

BackforGood · 07/12/2018 17:49

Does sound like there must be a whole lot of this story missing.
That doesn't sound like an incident the teacher would even bat an eye at, let alone report somewhere. The idea of a day's isolation is completely OTT if there isn't more to it that either you aren't posting or you don't even know about.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 07/12/2018 18:10

15yo young man having a bit of 'banter' with a youngish inexperienced female teacher and asking her to look at his snapchat to see what he is up to at the weekend. Yea he was definitely propositioning her. Totally deserved isolation.

I can imagine the position the teacher was put in, embarrassed and didn't know how to respond, hence her reaction. Probably spoke to someone after the class before realising she needed to report his behaviour.

Woman who phoned you wasn't in a position to explain the details of him being sexually inappropriate to a teacher, that is for more senior staff to explain.

tinytemper66 · 07/12/2018 18:18

Sometimes teachers don't make a fuss of some things in class to minimise the disruption to other pupils.
She probably ignored the 'banter' but then discussed it with senior staff after the lesson.

Wolfiefan · 07/12/2018 18:22

Banter? AKA being a twit in class.
Messing about? More being a twit.
He’s not at school for that. Time for an attitude check.

Feefeetrixabelle · 07/12/2018 18:25

Has the school had issues with rumours or actual incidents of social media contact between students and staff?

loubluee · 07/12/2018 18:29

A teacher was made to feel uncomfortable so reported it to senior staff and it went from there. My guess.

Malaco · 07/12/2018 18:34

Maybe the HOY was going to give more details when they phoned. Could you email the HOY and ask for more info about what happened

ForalltheSaints · 07/12/2018 18:39

School seems reasonable to me.

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