That Wrexham thread is very useful, I hope people click on it and read it.
These discussions often just go round in circles, because actually pinpointing true transphobia, is something that people are unable to do. But they still get this 'feeling'.
The problem being, trans-ideology has no basis in fact, just in being nice. Hence all the 'yes we know they aren't really women, but why are you being so mean' posts.
The inevitable comparison to a fat person, does rely on acknowledging that the person is actually fat.
Three transwomen have now commented on this thread. And it's notable that despite them disagreeing there is significant transphobia, non trans posters disagree.
The group of transwomen who wrote to the times have said
We are concerned that women are being dehumanised as “TERFs” (trans-exclusionary radical feminists) in order for abusive males to unleash misogynistic rhetoric and violent abuse with impunity.
'Abusive males' are flocking to the trans movement, using transsexuals as human shields and leveraging their dysphoria as a means of abusing women. Both in real life and online.
So when women point out that men can't change sex, that a neo vagina isn't a vagina, that there is no such thing as psychologically female, etc, they are directly addressing the fact that gender dysphoria has been hijacked by an ideology. Not being nasty to someone with a problem.
No true transsexual sticks it to women by claiming there is no such thing as sex and that they are actually, real women.
Meanwhile the vagina monologues has been shut down, vagina cupcakes are deemed offensive, women are told not to discuss their biology on women's marches, pussyhats are transphobic, etc etc.
None of the transsexuals writing to the newspapers in a bid to stop abusive males, are saying these things.
I would like to think that the reason there is a disconnect between seeing actual transphobia, and people perceiving a 'feeling', is because they are making the mistake of thinking we are talking about men with a disassociative condition that they cannot help, when we are not.
If you listen to men with gender dysphoria, their stories are often similar. And they are completely different to those men who are the partners of the women on the transwidows thread.
Men with gender dysphoria will often have been effeminate, and that effeminacy would have been disparaged. Man up, you're a poof, don't act like a girl, etc. They cond the banter and laddishness of toxic masculinity abhorrent. The sexism, the 'cor look at the tits on that'. And the expectation that men don't cry, men don't do that, etc.
It's really not difficult to see how a more sensitive soul will associate them being male with that behaviour and find a huge disconnect. The last people to disagree with this is feminists.
Which is why gender (the banter, the laddishness), is something feminists want to get rid of.
Fixing the problem by saying those sensitive/feminine people must be women, is back to front. Reinforcing the fact that banter and laddishness is, indeed inevitable male behaviour.
So early I understand why you want to change the narrative about women being victims and men being perpetrators. That's a feminist outlook. But deciding that one must change sex in order to conform to gender, doesn't do that. It does the opposite.
And changing the narrative doesn't stop the behaviour. Addressing sexism does that.