Someone bought an elf for DD

[Yabbers]

Got a call from school today, a staff member was talking with DD yesterday and DD told her she was going to write to Santa to ask for an elf on the shelf.

Staff member bought one and left it at her desk this morning so DD thinks Santa has done as she asked.

I've a huge problem with the whole elf thing, happy for others to do it, it's just not for us.

We're under a lot of pressure for a number of reasons and now we've
got to spend each bloody night doing something with this damned elf. AiBU to be really pissed off that someone else has done this to us?

[HermioneWaslib]

I was annoyed that my brother bought us one but this year I’ve just done it my way, half the time it brings one of our decorations out of the attic or tells us what we are doing that day (getting the tree, seeing granddad). The rest of the time it suggests something kind we are going to do (see the kindness elves online).

[BlackberryandNettle]

Honestly, I think the elves are pretty bargainous and that this was a sweet surprise. I'd be touched if someone had bought one for my DD despite the irritation of the moving it around thing. The grooming comments make no sense as clearly the girls believes the elf came from santa.

[Extralargeoranges]

I personally think you are being unreasonable. I think it's such a nice thing for that teacher to do. Your child confided in the teacher that she was writing to Santa. The teacher was trying to keep your child Christmas spirit. So you have to move it around a few feet each night - not the end of the world. The teacher might not have done it for the other kids as they might all have one apart from your child.

[bridgetreilly]

Your child has a new toy. You still don't have to do the stupid pretending it moves and is watching them thing.

[RebelWitchFace]

Sad people think like that it makes people feel uncomfortable picking a child up after a fall for fear of peodo screams.

I pick plenty of kids up after a fall. I also get hugs, and apply plasters and wipe tears and listen to worries and plenty of other things.
What I don't do is play favourites or single out children for gifts. It's either a class gift, one for everyone or none at all. It's not rocket science.

[TheRealHousewifeofCheshire]

Thought this was brill. It might help

fiveminutemum.wordpress.com/2018/11/26/fmms-advent-with-an-elf-if-you-like/

[Yabbers]

Thanks for all the responses. Glad to know others think this is a bit weird too. Got home to a bit more of the story, they were talking yesterday and DD hatched a plan because she’d been researching how these elves are attracted to a house. Staff member (not the teacher) obviously took it off her own back to make sure the plan worked. DD was tremendously excited that her plan had worked. The thought was a lovely one but I agree has overstepped. She’s a lovely lady and would probably be hurt if I called her out on it which I had no intention of anyway. It was OH who took the call from her, it was basically a ‘hope you don’t mind” call.

...the magic...
We do Christmas magic. It’s a brilliant time of year and we make it special. That doesn’t mean we have to buy in to every new fad that comes around.

whats your problem
I just don’t get it. The elf comes to check the child behaves but seems to be a naughty little fekker. That makes no sense. The other thing is, in our house, part of the magic of Christmas is that it’s a special time of year. Christmas outings, seeing friends and family, exchanging thoughtful gifts not just loading folk with tat. It has never been something that’s considered as a treat for good behaviour. Even if it was, I don’t need a piece of cheap cloth to make sure she behaves for 20 days.

Completely unreasonable to claim you have no time to deal with the elf, when it would have taken you less time to pinterest basic and simple ideas than it took you to write this post.

Ok, happy to take criticism but this one pissed me off. Post was written on the train during my commute. I was leaving work early to attend a school meeting this evening, it has just finished and I’m grabbing a bowl of cereal before I pass out from hunger. In 10 minutes I will be back at my PC catching up on the two hours of work I missed. I’ll fall into bed at about midnight before getting up at 4.30 to catch the 6am flight for a meeting tomorrow. I’ll arrive home just in time to put DD to bed after the party she has. I will then catch up with the dozens of emails which will no doubt come through. We’ve got a weekend of Christmas magic then on Monday it’s back to the pre-Christmas rush at work as everyone wants everything by the end of the year. Throw in online Christmas shopping, organising our holiday and wrapping presents and yes, I’m too busy to be fucking about on Pinterest and sorting out an elf I made a conscious decision not to buy. If the elf was here in July I’d have no problem, plenty of time, but December is crazy busy. If I wasn’t busy I’d be able to take the 7 days of holiday I haven’t been able to take rather than losing them.

[TheRealHousewifeofCheshire]

I dont do the elf but the link i posted may help

[lalalalyra]

The teacher has massively crossed a line. If she was concerned about the OP's DD feeling left out then calling the OP to say "DD has said this..." to give the OP a head's up is one thing, but to buy the Elf? That crosses a line. There can't be any parent of kids who haven't heard of the Elf thing so a parent who hasn't bought one as a choice.

[BlancheM]

It would be sweet if this happened in one of those crappy afternoon Christmas films on channel 5.
But why would a teacher risk their job just to pull off a Santa stunt? What do all the other kids reckon? Are they going to be telling her what they want for Christmas as well and hoping it turns up on their desk?
Father Christmas only comes on Christmas Eve night anyway, everyone knows that.

[Yabbers]

Will add - I know of a least half a dozen kids in her class who don’t have one - including 2 of her closest friends.

[diddl]

" it was basically a ‘hope you don’t mind” call."

Well since OH took the call & said that it was OK, they can sort it out.

[Yabbers]

OK, they can sort it out.

His words were “not something we’d get involved in but O.K”. She had it by then so couldn’t exactly say no.

His suggestion was to leave it’s charred remains on the hob as a lesson never to play with fire 😂

[chocolatecoveredraisons]

No one is saying it wasn't a kind thing but in this day and age and all the awareness, school staff should have adequate training to realise this is massively overstepping the mark. If anything happens in regards to this child, this could be used against said staff member. She has put herself in a vulnerable position by doing this.

Not everyone is a pervert, but not everyone isn't.

The child may believe it's from Santa, but the adult may be using this ploy to their advantage.

I'm not saying this staff member didn't do this out of the kindness of her heart, but she has now singled a child out. Made herself vulnerable and potentially pissed off a parent in the process which could cause all sorts of repercussions at home. Very unprofessional and not thought out at all.

[bridgetreilly]

She had it by then so couldn’t exactly say no.

That would make me see red. If she's actually wanting to check that you don't mind, she needed to make that phone call before she got the elf, let alone gave it to your daughter. Once it's been given, what else are you going to say but okay?

[lalalalyra]

She had it by then so couldn’t exactly say no.

That would be the thing I had the biggest issue with. I cannot stand it when people give your child something or promise them a day out or something big/special and then turn to you and say "That's ok isn't it?" which basically puts you in the position where you either have to say yes or you end up being te one that disappoints your child. It's manipulative.

[Gigglebrain]

YANBU. I would be extremely annoyed, I have chosen not to do the stupid elf too, it’s not just the moving it etc, it’s remembering, if you forget you disappoint your kids.
The staff member has massively overstepped the mark.

[RCohle]

I agree - it put you in a situation where it was impossible really for you to refuse.

I'm surprised you're getting so many responses saying this is fine. Generally people on here are (rightly) very hot on schools respecting parent's choices, particularly about stuff as potentially sensitive as Christmas traditions.

What if a, well intentioned, TA took it upon themselves to tell your child Santa didn't exist? Would that interference with a family's Xmas traditions be ok?

[Cherrysherbet]

I think you’re over reacting. It’s a little toy that you move around your house, and it gives a bit of excitement and pleasure to your child. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, literally takes me 2 mins.

Ours isn’t linked to good / bad behaviour, it just comes to stay each December, and adds a little bit of magic.

The person who gave the elf to your dd was just trying to do something kind. That’s how I would see it.

If you don’t want to get involved, just tell your dd that her elf isn’t the kind that gets up to mischief. He is a good elf, and just wants to keep her company until he goes home on Christmas Eve. Don’t make such an issue out of it.

We could all list the mountain of jobs and hideously busy schedules we have over the next few weeks, but it does sound slightly dramatic op.

[Rosalise]

Now that the elf has seen how happy your family is and how much magic you have in your lives, he could leave a note saying just that and asking to be left with another family who need him more. One of the girls at school or a trip to the charity shop would do nicely. OK so it's a bit of extra work for the weekend but it's a life lesson in kindness and a cue for you to put on Mary Poppins or Nanny McPhee and leave the DCren to it for a bit.

[LaurieMarlow]

As with anything, if you want to you'll find the time.

Last year, I was working 60+ hour weeks, travelling lots and pregnant with DS2. I did the elf because it was important to me (or more accurately important to DS1).

Having said that, I'll defend to the death your right not to do it if you don't want to. And you don't need to justify that.

[Jorgezaunders]

Tell your daughter that if she wants it, she has to set up the scenes every night. Like a pet.

[Jorgezaunders]

I mean the flipping thing comes in a box, she can't possibly think it's real.

[Schuyler]

If it’s a safeguarding issue, surely it needs to be referred....

[ballsdeep]

Are you taking the piss??? Safeguarding issue?!