Would you send your child to special school in my circumstances?

[fragglerock1981]

My daughter aged 10 has been offered a place at a special school for moderate/complex difficulties and/or social/emotional issues. She has struggled to access the school curriculum ever since she was 5 and is about 2 years behind. She is in mainstream and is increasingly becoming more anxious about going to school because she thinks she is stupid. She has a diagnosis of Dyspraxia and they say she has complex learning difficulties. She has a lovely set of friends that she has had since reception. The school say that they are very protective of her and dd relies on them to complete her work. These friends are lovely but they are already starting to develop interests dd is not interested in and are spending more time away from her at playtime.

I'm just finding it so hard. If you saw dd you would not know she had any difficulties. She is articulate but will only talk about what she wants to talk about. She is so beautiful, I just cannot comprehend that she is not considered all this. The school have said she will not cope at all if she experiences any bullying. A couple of girls made fun of her on sports day, apologised after yet dd still refuses to kick a ball 6 months later.

DD wants to go to our local excellent secondary where all her friends are going. Do I give her a chance? It would destroy her of she was bullied. The special school say they think she would do well there but she will be one of the more able pupils. I'm sorry if my post offends anyone. I think I have been in denial for many years. I honestly wasn't expecting the special school to say yes.

I opted for a SEN School, for my DD with similar issues.

They bought out the best in her.

The most important thing is keeping her confidence and self worth high. That's becoming more difficult for Parents to do for Teen Girls, without additional needs.

My DD was one of the more able and did the equivalent of GCSE's. She's now at college on a level 3 course and working part time.

My eldest DD struggled at school, she has ADHD and dyslexia. She transfered to a Unit and did part time work, it was the making of her. She's at Management level now.

How long does she have left in Primary? Think about sending her to the special school and see how she gets on. My friend's son has had 15 months in a special school (similar disabilities) and is now trying mainstream again before transition to secondary.

Thank you for your replies. She has until July in her current school and the special school say they need to know now as their places are very limited with high demand.

Will be good for her confidence to be the most able in a class. I would use the SEN school and
Support her in developing relationships with kind children in her tear group

What support would she have in mainstream? Presumably she has an EHCP? Going on the details you have given, I would say to seize that special school place. It will be easier to get a mainstream place later if it doesn’t work out.

Also the staff will have a good understanding of her needs. Teachers in mainstream won’t have the same knowledge on how to best support

Also, OP, a few Girls transfered to my DD's school from mainstream and flourished.

Absolutely. You may never get this opportunity again. The special school is best placed to support her educational needs and given how funding is at the moment, it's unlikely the high school will be able to do this.
If it turns out that she doesn't need this additional level of sen support In the future, you can always transfer to mainstream whereas I suspect it will be very difficult to transfer from mainstream to special school.

My son is dyslexic

The teacher shave no idea how to cope with him. Bright child bottom sets - its soul destroying. He is able and knowledgeable just can't get that down on paper to tick the teacher boxes.

Send her to the SEN school whilst you have funding and she can access the curriculum in a smaller setting

If a special school place was available, I would take it like a shot.

If she's been offered a special school place, she must need it. They're like hen's teeth.

It really depends what 'one of the more able pupils' actually means.
If it means that she'll be around people who are less able than herself but the school has a reasonable number of pupils of similar ability I'd say send her to the special school. However if it actually means she'd be significantly more academically able than any of the other pupils (and some special schools do you similar wording for that situation) while it will be beneficial in the short run it will really effect her chances in the long run.

As a mainstream secondary senco i would say opt for the special school.
The ideal of mainstream is so far from.the reality. If she has been offered a special school place (which are like hens' teeth) it means that she meets their criteria which means it is less likely that the mainstream will meet her needs in the long run. Children with complex needs in mainstream often end up working in isolation from others as they need 1:1 and often can't access the content or context of the secondary curriculum. As their peers move on socially they generally don't want to be spending break and lunch with someone who is not into the same things as them. For a child with complex needs, special school offers an accessible curriculum with suitable targets (ie not trying to get them to a pass in gcse maths), gives a sense of success rather than failure.
I would opt for special in a flash if it were offered.

I would absolutely take the special school. I sent my DS and he achieved 7 GCSE A-C - there's no way he could have done that without the amazing level of pastoral support.

^It really depends what 'one of the more able pupils' actually means.
If it means that she'll be around people who are less able than herself but the school has a reasonable number of pupils of similar ability I'd say send her to the special school. However if it actually means she'd be significantly more academically able than any of the other pupils (and some special schools do you similar wording for that situation) while it will be beneficial in the short run it will really effect her chances in the long run.^

This without a doubt. It is difficult for any of us to know what specialist provision you are being offered. Where I live, there is no way you would be offered a place in specialist provision for being "just" 2 years behind. I presume if it has been suggested, and the school have met her and spoken to her current school and professionals agree it would be the right move for her, then the special school is^ going to be one that can meet her needs, in which case I would.
20+ years ago when I worked in a school for children with MLD, so many parents who moved their dc, reported they just wished they'd had the place years before, so it can be the right move for many, if that provision still exists where you live.

Another saying 'Grab it!'. My dd is academically able with SEN and struggling in mainstream. Friendships from primary fall apart and it isn't worth the horrors of mainstream if you have a viable alternative.

Only you and your daughter can answer the question. We don’t know her and her needs like you do. You know her well even if you have been in denial about her ability to cope.

Your daughter is already about two years behind her classmates and relies on them to support her with her school work.

She is aware that she struggles and you say she thinks she is stupid.

She is anxious about going to school.

Your daughter’s friends are developing different interests.

She is 10, so not far off leaving primary and going up to secondary school.

Secondary schools are bigger and the classes often streamed. They will almost certainly be set for core subjects like English and maths. Your daughter is very unlikely to be with any of her friends in classes at secondary school.

The local school is excellent.
Is this in relation to academic results? Or is it excellent at developing students socially as well? Can they help her to develop her self esteem.
What is it’s policy on children with special needs?
What is their special needs provision and support like?
What does a day look like for a student with needs similar to your daughter’s? Can that experience be considered excellent?
Would she be happy there?

What is the provision like in the special school?
What support will she get?
What do they expect her to achieve there both academically and socially? Will they help her to develop her self esteem?
Are there students in the class that she could be friends with?
Would she be happy there?

Remember that at the mainstream excellent school she will be one of the least able. At the special school she will be one of the most able.

Only by putting aside your previous assumptions, honesty thinking through the consequences of your daughter going to the mainstream secondary school, then comparing that to the special school experience will you really be able to work out what is right for your daughter.

Thank you so much. I have people around me that think this would be very limiting for dd. I'm thinking dd would not be offered this place if she didn't need it. I feel like I'm facing harsh reality but it is heartbreaking. Our school have worked so hard for this outcome, I feel ungrateful because it is not what I wanted for dd but it looks like it is what she needs. She doesn't even know she has dyspraxia. How am I going to tell her she has it and that she can't go to the same school as her friends that are slowly falling away anyway?

She already must know she's struggling, and relying in her friends to help. Can you explain it in that this school will be able to help her catch up and be able to work on her own more, that they can help support her more and hel oher enjoy school again?

If it doesn't work there, it'll be easier getting a mainstream place than in reverse.

fragglerock I have a dd 11 with ASD and learning difficulties who has been in a specialist ASD school since she was 5 and applying for special school for ds 6 who has dyspraxia and neurodevelopmental difficulties, he is 2 years behind, with an EHCP. I have looked around the mainstream schools and I haven't been impressed, and with the budget cuts to SEN provision, grab the special school place with both hands. It is not about what you want but about what your dd needs.

My dd since going to special school is calm happy and achieving. Mainstream is not always the best education and it depends on the needs of your child. DD goes to mainstream trampoline club, youth club and choir so that her peer experiences are not limited. Later on your dd could access college or mainstream six form, learning does not stop at 18. The special school I saw for ds, was excellent, outstanding OFSTEAD, and the resources were far better and quality of teaching than I saw in mainstream school.

Special schools are not always everything they are cracked up to be. They are often independent but small, so finances are very tight. They are a business so there is a lot of overselling and under delivery. I have had to revise my expectations down to rock bottom and am still disappointed. You dont mention an EHCP - which is a legal document. My DC does not have one and I find interventions eventually get put in place after massive effort and then taken away with no notice, no communication to parents etc. My DC's school seems to struggle with recruitment so you are not necessarily getting that well qualified staff that stay.

We have found that although pupils at my DC school are there with a specific spld their other associated issues often mean there are peer issues and behavioural issues.

The Special schools in our area are run by the local LEA, and are excellent. I guess it depends on area to area, and op will have to look around special schools with her dd to see which one is the best fit.

Has she been to see the special school yet? Does such know about the referral?
You need to start discussing it. I’d start by helping her think about why she is unhappy at school at the moment. Lead into the problems she has been having and how there are schools where the teachers can help her to develop strategies so that she can show how capable she is. Schools with smaller classes with all sorts of students who get extra support to show what they can do. Then suggest you go and see one to see what it is like.
The special school will probably offer an induction and assessment process to move her in gently if you think that will help. Often a week or part week there and part week in mainstream with the possibility of staying on in the special school or returning to her mainstream

Please also bear in mind that her friends will be less and less able to help her with her education. They are children, too - not teachers. And they may well be going to different secondary schools, anyway; relying on her new classmates to help her keep up is a terrible idea. Even if there are enough of them willing to try, they won't be able to do very much as the schoolwork becomes more complicated because they are children, too.
The fact that she's been offered a place suggests that this is what she needs. Unless you live in an area with a lot of specialist secondary provision so there is a possibility of this school being, as a PP said, all about the promises and not so good on the delivery.

I'd be a bit worried about the proposal for a school that caters for children with social, emotional and mental health difficulties given what you've said about your daughter. I'd suggest you look around a bit further, including looking at independent special schools, before making any decisions, and possibly get advice from an independent educational psychologist with experience in tribunal work.