Would you send your child to special school in my circumstances?

[fragglerock1981]

My daughter aged 10 has been offered a place at a special school for moderate/complex difficulties and/or social/emotional issues. She has struggled to access the school curriculum ever since she was 5 and is about 2 years behind. She is in mainstream and is increasingly becoming more anxious about going to school because she thinks she is stupid. She has a diagnosis of Dyspraxia and they say she has complex learning difficulties. She has a lovely set of friends that she has had since reception. The school say that they are very protective of her and dd relies on them to complete her work. These friends are lovely but they are already starting to develop interests dd is not interested in and are spending more time away from her at playtime.

I'm just finding it so hard. If you saw dd you would not know she had any difficulties. She is articulate but will only talk about what she wants to talk about. She is so beautiful, I just cannot comprehend that she is not considered all this. The school have said she will not cope at all if she experiences any bullying. A couple of girls made fun of her on sports day, apologised after yet dd still refuses to kick a ball 6 months later.

DD wants to go to our local excellent secondary where all her friends are going. Do I give her a chance? It would destroy her of she was bullied. The special school say they think she would do well there but she will be one of the more able pupils. I'm sorry if my post offends anyone. I think I have been in denial for many years. I honestly wasn't expecting the special school to say yes.

My dd is at a very small (less than 40 kids) school for behavioural, social and emotional problems after being excluded from secondary school. She is bright but immature and has lots of issues due to early childhood - I adopted her.
She likes it but the behaviour of the other kids is appalling, and it’s rubbing off on her.
The other issue it’s almost all boys, only about five girls, several of whom are in competition for the boys’ attention.
Before you make a decision try to visit several times and talk to other parents.

But yes, as the above posters says, having seen that BBC series School, budget cuts are hitting SEN at mainstream schools hardest.

I was told it is easier to move from MS to SS than the other way around. What about trying MS for year 7 and seeing how she goes?

It really really isn't that way around. Does that even make sense when SSs are full to bursting and getting a place is like the angels coming out and singing somewhere? Kids are being shoved into MS when they shouldn't be

I can't advise on your position OP but in mine I would snatch that chance with both hands. Secondary schools are unforgiving places.

SEN school without a doubt. Her friendship group are enabling her to cope right now, but they are drifting apart and at high school the independent work really ramps up.

The SEN school will be much more equipped to helping her access her education. Being more 'abled' will be a boost for her confidence, which I bet is rock bottom right now. You are extremely lucky to have been offered a place for her. Take it!

Take the space at the SEN school.

I’ve seen a friend of mine battling tooth and nail to get a place for her son when it was very clear there was no way he would cope in mainstream. If you have a place, that means your dd NEEDS it.

You also need to explain to your dd that things will b different in secondary. It’s unlikely they will be together in class esp if they are put in sets so the nice supportbshe is getting form them will disappear.
I’ve also seen friendship dissolving because people spend less time together (different class) and develop different interest and friendship.
Just as much as your dd enjoys being with them, she wont be able to rely on them for friendship or support. It also wouldn’t be fair to put that sort of pressure/expectations on the friends either...

My understanding is that the places are limited so that fact that it has been offered suggests they really think she will benefit. She will not have so much contact with her friends at secondary as they are usually streamed for many subjects so will be in fewer and fewer classes with them.
A relative of mine moved to a school for those with moderate to severe learning difficulties after a year at a mainstream secondary and he is so much happier.

My local authority does not have special provision for my dc’s needs so they go to two different independent special schools funded by the LA, one outside the county.

Does she have a fully detailed ehcp in place because that is the first step. Look around all the available mainstream and special schools before you make your decision.

I would also consider telling her she is dyspraxic. She may well find it reassuring to know that she's not stupid, it's just that her brain works a little differently from most other people's. Things are far easier to cope with if you know the reason for why you feel the way you do.

Also agree with op there that my dc have witnessed the most awful behaviour in their special schools which does impact their learning. My dc have been to four different special schools and they were the only girl in two of them so do factor that in as socially that is difficult for them.

Tbh, I think your issue is more about you (and your family and friends) accepting she has some complex special needs and need a lot if nurturing/support.
I’m surprised for example, that you haven’t told her that she has dyspraxia. I mean she must know that she is struggling in things her friends have no problem with. Don’t you think that knowing about it could actually help her rather than hinder her?

I’m sure she is a lovely and beautiful girl. But she is also a lovely, beautiful girl that needs special support. She needs you to recognise that and embrace it so she can learn and thrive later as a teen and as an adult.

My experience is that although I was gutted that my daughter couldn't cope in mainstream, it was the best thing for her to take a place at a special school.
I'm being gutted I mean that I was very sad for her, that life had got so bad.
I was worried she'd not get enough opportunities at the smaller school to go on and go to college.

I was so wrong, she did year seven in mainstream, then a gap, then special education. They were seriously underfunded, but the support was there.
Gradually she improved, and the pressure being off her 're attendance and bullying was minimized.

Although it wasn't easy she got enough gcse results to move into college to do A levels.

I am so proud of her and grateful for the place she was offered. Like a pp said, mainstream doesn't ensure she will stay with her friends.
They also don't always stay friends with those friends.
My daughter has made some wonderful friendships at the special school, and the support and understanding I received from the pastoral care was invaluable.

She will have the best chance to bloom and gain confidence.

Hth

As someone with experience, as a teacher, of mainstream and special schools, I would opt for the special school. Her current school obviously feels that she needs that setting and will have plenty of evidence for that, because it’s so, so difficult to get a place.

The curriculum, particularly in secondary, will be much more suited to her needs. It will enable her to learn at a pace she can manage. If it doesn’t suit her, you can move her into mainstream. I’d bet you’d never get another chance at a special school if you turn down this one.

Also aware that if a child isn't coping in mainstream then the LA will offer the cheapest possible alternative option which may or may not be the best place for the child. Do not assume what you are offered can meet the needs. Make sure you check. Having a decent ehcp in place is vital.

I think I would be learning towards the special school, but I would want to go and speak to the staff there and have a look around first. Do they have an open day of some kind? I'd be ringing and asking them.
Also your daughters friends, as the demands on them increase are not going to be able to continue supporting your daughter through high school. It just wont happen.

With the horrendous time we're having in school this year with a teacher who basically doesn't believe in special needs - I'd jump at the idea in a heartbeat - especially if you've got a quiet well-behaved child who's just getting lost and socially floundering.

Yes I'm about to go into school for yet another meeting where I raise serious concerns about what's going on in class - last year provision was superb, but this teacher is just destroying my daughter piece by piece (it's not just her - there are other SN children who all mysteriously "no longer need" things that were helping them learn and I'm the one who's pieced things together and is going to stick my neck out for them all).

I'm going to Tribunal next week to keep my daughter out of the generic special school that the LA have named on her EHCP. She was until a year ago in a mainstream secondary school and academically doing very well but the environment is brutal if I'm honest for an academically able student with significant autism and associated co morbids.
My reasons for not wanting the special school is that academically it would be a disaster for her as the most able generally leave at sixteen at the level she was at the end of primary.
Because there is such a gap between her and her cohort then it's unlikely that she'd find friendships easy when they won't have the same depth of knowledge or ability.
It feels very much like a babysitting facility for her to pass time until they can push the problem elsewhere added to which I don't think a school where it took a formal complaint to get them to issue me with just basic facts about the school is the sort of place I want for my dd.
I am though, not wanting mainstream again, I'm pushing for an independent specialist school where she can have a mainstream curriculum with specialist support for the autism.

The op has said that those friends are starting to ebb away

It feels very much like a babysitting facility for her to pass time until they can push the problem elsewhere added to which I don't think a school where it took a formal complaint to get them to issue me with just basic facts about the school is the sort of place I want for my dd.

That was definitely true of our LA's SEN school. It was glorified babysitting. My son had no co-morbids and his mind would have been utterly wasted in that school.

Well it would be a bit crazy to chose a secondary school primarily on friendships, given that it is totally normal and natural for friendships to change throughout life and especially during adolescence. Very few people are still best friends with their best buddy from primary.

I have not RTFT, but my Husband has dyspraxia, which wasn't diagnosed until after secondary school, and he struggled at school, he is very clever and can only do some of the things he can do now because his DM knew there was something different and pushed him. My DD isn't old enough to be diagnosed with it yet as she has to be 6 and she is only 4, but I am 99% certain she has it too, as she is displaying most of the same symptoms, if I was offered a place for her in a school that would be better equipped to work with her and help her achieve I would snap it up in a heartbeat.

Your DD is likely to get lost in the chaos at secondary school. Just sit her down and explain it to her, tell her she has dyspraxia and that is why she feels different and behind to the others, that she has been offered a place in a school that will be better equipped to help her achieve, that you know she won't be with her school friends but she can still see them and speak to them etc. But this is a fantastic opportunity for her.

If the LA is suggesting a special school, presumably there is an educational psychologist's report, and possibly a speech and language therapist's report? I'd want to look at those, and see where DD's non-verbal and verbal IQ lie? If not, as a PP said, I'd get an independent educational psychologist's report and ask them what they recommend by way of placement.

As previous PP have said, the LA will go for the cheapest option, and will suggest one of their own special schools (for children with moderate or severe learning difficulties or social, emotional and behavioural difficulties), when in fact it could be that a child is within the average intelligence range, but needs a specialist school for say dyslexia or autistic spectrum disorder or a speech/language disorder.

My guess is that there is more to DD's difficulties than just dyspraxia - you need to know what?

Home education is what we chose too (NT children and 1 ASD). We, like thousands of other families are increasingly choosing that option for both the educational and social advantages it has for SN and NT children. If HE isn't a consideration for you, I personally would grab the SN school space with both hands. But that opinion is based on the assumption that the SN school is a good one and that the Ms options are lacking!

I don't have experience of a state SS, my DS went to a private one with his place funded by the Borough. I fought tooth and nail to get it and it was such a huge relief. Most of the kids had SpLD and were articulate, kind and open children. There was no bullying at all and the pastoral care was amazing. There were kids there who had been suicidal in MS and they were all so accepting of each others needs. I always remember taking a group of them paint balling for a birthday party and one 6 footer was crying because he had been told off, the others comforted him. Another child i asked to fetch a jug of Ribena he shrugged and said i will but there'll be none left by the time I carry it here. They just weren't embarrassed of themselves and that was lovely to see.