Would you send your child to special school in my circumstances?

[fragglerock1981]

My daughter aged 10 has been offered a place at a special school for moderate/complex difficulties and/or social/emotional issues. She has struggled to access the school curriculum ever since she was 5 and is about 2 years behind. She is in mainstream and is increasingly becoming more anxious about going to school because she thinks she is stupid. She has a diagnosis of Dyspraxia and they say she has complex learning difficulties. She has a lovely set of friends that she has had since reception. The school say that they are very protective of her and dd relies on them to complete her work. These friends are lovely but they are already starting to develop interests dd is not interested in and are spending more time away from her at playtime.

I'm just finding it so hard. If you saw dd you would not know she had any difficulties. She is articulate but will only talk about what she wants to talk about. She is so beautiful, I just cannot comprehend that she is not considered all this. The school have said she will not cope at all if she experiences any bullying. A couple of girls made fun of her on sports day, apologised after yet dd still refuses to kick a ball 6 months later.

DD wants to go to our local excellent secondary where all her friends are going. Do I give her a chance? It would destroy her of she was bullied. The special school say they think she would do well there but she will be one of the more able pupils. I'm sorry if my post offends anyone. I think I have been in denial for many years. I honestly wasn't expecting the special school to say yes.

My dyspraxic son had lovely friends in primary school who all dropped him at secondary school, and we had to take him out for 3 years and home-ed as he was so badly bullied.
I'd take the place. Secondary schools can be jungles.

Places are so rare I would say if she’s been offered it she really needs it. I home educate my autistic DCs after mainstream failed them but if they were offered a specialist place I would try it for sure.

We were in your position 4 years ago when dc in primary year 4. we opted for special school as dc not coping and had developmental delays and was suffering mild bullying which head teacher totally denied. We opted for special school and also for dc to have a tutor twice a week for an hour at a time as he likes learning and recognized he was behind his peers and wanted to catch up. For first two years we were pleased with our decision. Dc confidence improved and was not bullied at SN primary. Then dc went to Special High School and after two years of quality tutoring he had improved a lot and confidence high. Curriculum at Special High School Year 8 Science only 1 hour each week, Maths is 4 hours but very basic (think Year 3-4 level) and too easy for dc as now he has almost completely caught up and can do Year 7-8 Maths, same story in English 4 hours each week. Extra Art, Music, Drama and PE which is completed every afternoon for whole afternoon. DC loves all of the PE as very sporty but does not enjoy Art, Music or Drama. Only 1 hour each week ICT, History or Geography and they have to do Forest School which he has now had to do for 4 years and hates with a vengence. No foreign languages which is a pity as we spend a lot of time in France and so dc can speak some French. However now dc says he does not enjoy school and would prefer more hours with tutor because he says he learns more with tutor. He is doing numbers up to 100 at Special High School in top Maths set and doing long multiplication and adding fractions including mixed numbers with tutor. I have seen him doing this independently. We have been in to school and taken dc exercise books he has completed Maths with tutor but they smile and say he is in top set and they will not be doing GCSE but an alternative basic numeracy test instead. I would recommend you check out curriculum carefully and also ask about exams in Year 11. I am now considering taking dc out of S.N. High School and re-entering mainstream with a special unit or educating my self at home as I am a secondary teacher and also supplementing with a tutor for subjects I am not so keen on.

Special schools probably fail at least the same proportion of pupils as main stream schools academically but seem to get away with it more.
Many special schools have cohorts that are almost completely made up of pupils that have not completed many of the assessments that are used to predict academic achievement so it is harder for academic progress to be tracked for pupils in such schools.

@CaringCarer
Get him out while he still wants to be educated. It'll only be a matter of time before he starts refusing to attend and the school will use that as 'evidence' that he needs to be in such an environment when in actual fact it'll be down to the lack of stimulation that he is being given.
Unfortunately many special needs schools don't have a clue when it comes to educating pupils that are academically even close to the level expected of mainstream pupils of the same age.

It sounds like a wonderful opportunity for her.

We had this dilemma with my son (9) last year. He was coping in mainstream but only barely. So anxious. He is now at a small school with loads of support and is absolute thriving. Honestly, a different boy. He's happy, more confident and racing through the work, learning so much. He has been tested and improved in reading age by 7 months after his first eight weeks of school.

We approached it with two years in mind. If we didn't see improvements after two years, we would move back to mainstream. But so far we intend to keep him at the new school for a long while.

Self esteem is so important and so hard to build back up once lost. Your daughter may be able to shine more at the special school and feel more confident in her abilities. Sounds like it's worth a shot.

Yes, I have moderate to severe learning difficulties and autism that were not picked up on because I have a 'disturbingly' high IQ (direct quote from a teacher) and I hated my mainstream school with a passion. The bullying I experienced there is still affecting me now almost nine years later and will most likely affect me for a long time more.

You can always remover her from the special needs school if it doesn't suit her and have her placed at the local secondary but you'd struggle to do it the other way around. Talk to your daughter and visit the school with her and explain exactly why this is a consideration. Her needs are different but valid and she has the right to a quality education. Friendship groups are often disrupted and change completely in high school, this may happen to her and she may not be able to cope.

Dd met a friend through an extra curricular activity. Her friend is dyspraxic (just finishing yr11), is autistic and has some other additional needs as does her younger sister. They are both emotionally and educationally lower than their chronologic age. They go to an outstanding secondary with amazing pastoral care.

The girl’s mum realises now she could have sent her eldest to a special college before this time (2 years ago I believe) and wishes she had done so. Just some feedback from a parent, whose children have gone to a very inclusive school with very little bullying.

I know the school as we visited when considering options and have been shown round by the head. I think if the girls had gone to a school, which is not like this I think the outcome would have been different. The eldest for example (15) was bullied by girls of her age at the extra curricular activity.

As for friendships. The girls don’t really have many friends because of the emotional age differences. But they have friends enough for birthday parties etc. Dd is 10 and friends with the 15 yo because emotionally they are of a similar age.

For me, having the pastoral care is very most important for children, especially those as fragile as your daughter. On that basis I would definitely send her to the school, where I think she will be nurtured best.

Is that the special school?

It's not her friends' responsibility to ensure that she learns or that she has social exposure.

I'd definitely suggest sending her to the special school. Hubby has high-functioning autism but unfortunately wasn't able to access support when he was a child. His younger brother, also high-functioning autistic, has been able to do so and it has helped him enormously. Frankly, Hubby wishes he had had better access to support.

DS (9) started a special needs school this autumn. I was scared as he is very high functioning, but turns out it was the best thing ever. He was having so much anxiety in mainstream school, he has friends he can actually interact with on his terms and has even been invited to birthday parties! We are all much much happier. Hope this helps, it isn't an easy decision.

I am sure if she has a few visit days she will see that there are friends to be made. I agree, she will get the education she needs in the special school. I am a teacher and its sad to say but with classes of 30+, and staffing stretched its not the best for a child who needs an individualised work programme. I totally agree that mainstream is not always the best education if your child has learning difficulties or special needs. In truth though it is hard to get parents to accept this is the best for their child and they plunder on. I think you should do what you think will meet the needs of your child. Goodluck

Presuming she has an EHCP? (Many LEAs won’t offer a place in specialist provision unless a child has an EHCP.) You may find that the mainstream secondary school look at the EHCP and say that they can’t take her. (They can do this if they don’t think they can meet her needs.)
I think you have answered your own question in your opening paragraph. Your daughter is already struggling to access the curriculum and is behind. Friendship gaps are already starting to form. These are only going to become worse and more pronounced (and become a cause for anxiety) in a mainstream school. From what you say, she needs that specialist place.
You say you daughter doesn’t know she has dyspraxia. She may not know what the ‘label’ is, but she will be aware that she struggles with school work, has interventions, etc. Talk to her about her needs. Help her understand. It is really important that children with SEN understand why they are different. It can remove levels of anxiety. (It took till my 30s to discover I have ASD. The damage done to my self-esteem, mental health, not to mention my education, through not knowing and understanding much earlier, is irreparable.)

For me it would depend on what the special school could offer. I've taught in 2 special schools and we didn't run GCSEs or any standard post 16 qualifications. If she is 2 years behind at 10 she is around the level academically of my most able 16-19 year olds last year.

I have dyspraxia. I am a primary school teacher. All my children know I have dyspraxia and that it means I learn some things in different ways. I have learnt my coping strategies even if something new like a PE inset day actually fills me with fear I can deal with that.

It could really be short term intervention your child needs in specialist provision and then they are fine back in main stream. It is so difficult to get support these days as a primary teacher it breaks my heart. I would say try it.

Oh OP
Your post has not offended anyone
I am no expert on this but I would say to visit the school with her and get a feel for it

I think you need to Balance the short term pain versus the long term gain

Secondary school is hard running and completely different to the nurturing environment she is is now . I don’t think her friends would necessarily drop her but given your comments they will probably grow apart .

I would seriously consider the school as a place for her to learn properly . and not in catch up mode

My ds has various needs and a very spike academic profile.

I opted for MS and his first one was a disaster. But he attends another MS now and is flying.

I honestly believe a schools attitude can be the major factor is how well a child gets on. His current one is on top of bullying (however low level) and make it abundantly clear from the offset they won't accept it and it stops.

Special schools are perfect for some children. However our local MLD school has lots of pupils who are quite loud and confident and I felt ds wouldn't have a quieter peer group (geeky type kids!) like him.

So I went from being convinced special would be the best for him to changing my mind!

My suggestion would be to ask each school if dd can visit for day and join in and see which one she fits into best. Look at the actual school and what they offer rather than the 'type' of school.

Yes, I think I would. My ds's needs are very different but transition to mainstream secondary went appallingly badly and really highlighted to me that mainstream just does not work for some dc.

Have you had a private tour of both schools? Have you met with the heads (or similar) in private to talk about about your dds needs?

I bite their hand off.

My suggestion would be to ask each school if dd can visit for day and join in and see which one she fits into best.
I agree that specialist schools can vary and choosing the right one is important, but this is a bit cloud cuckoo land. You can ask for a tour/open evening etc, but the chances that multiple specialist schools have places available are slim. The likelihood of them also bring able to accommodate a trial day is also slim. Aside from resource issues, it may be very unsettling to the other children there for children to dip in and out.
OP - the school has offered you a place, so I’m presuming that you will have either applied yourself, or it’s a named school on an EHCP? Did you look round first? Presumably the offer is there because you thought it was suitable for your daughter? Specialist schools don’t just offer places out of the blue.

The special school in my area is one of the best in the country. Is run by the LEA and accredited by national autistic society. It has its own working farm! One of my dc goes there and the difference in him is immense. I wish my other dc could go but no sen.

Tbh as a child with Sen’s whose child is in mainstream I would opt with special school . There are only a couple of teachers who understand my Ds.
Much smaller class sizes and the other children have really grown up which has made the gap wider.

Other thing you could get a place in mainstream getting a place in special school much harder

How did it get to the stage where she has been ‘offered’ a special school place? Has the local authority pursued it or yourselves?

Both my dc go to special schools and they would have much fuller lives now if they had gone to mainstream. Socially they are isolated as they can’t mix with the other children after school/weekends/
holidays as the children live miles away from each other, often in different counties. My dc can’t access extra curricular activities locally so they really miss out.

I also agree with the pp who said some special schools are independent and run like businesses.

It also depends how big the school is and number of staff etc. Academically my dc will also miss out as the range of subjects
offered to them is very small as the schools cannot run examination courses with tiny cohorts. My dc work most of the time on a one to one basis with non-teachers.

I would say it depends on a lot of factors but I think if mainstream can provide, let her stay.

I'm a primary school teacher and agree with clairedelalune.