To think that girls are not taught about the realities of conceiving?

[Cocopops2010]

AIBU to think that young girls are not properly taught about the realities (and potential difficulties) in getting pregnant?
When I was at school (90s and 2000s) my sex education classes left me with the impression that one night of unprotected sex would almost certainly leave me pregnant. Oral sex could leave me pregnant. 'Heavy petting' could make me pregnant. Condoms can split or have holes in them so you need to also be on the pill. You can get pregnant any time of the month even when you are on your period. If you did have any trouble getting pregnant, then there is always IVF which 100% works.

Now, I realise that technically the above could be true in a very small number of cases. Then I hit my 30s and suddenly a number of my friends are having huge problems conceiving, IVF is not always available on the NHS and privately is hugely expensive.

So, do you think that really girls at school should be taught that actually there will only be 1-2 days a month that you can get pregnant, and that it might actually not be that easy?

Am fully prepared to be shot down in flames and called un-feminist etc...

I think how it's taught at school is correct. I only actually found out in my 20s that you (technically) couldn't get pregnant at any time of the month. But since finding this out one of my friends got pregnant on her period and I conceived my second child the day my period was due! I conceived my first child the first month trying in my 30s too. So some people will fall pregnant very easily and at any time of the month.

Teaching that you aren't fertile everyday and that your chances are only 20% or so each month will just encourage teenagers to risk it. Most people only properly learn about fertility once they are thinking of having a baby.

I'd rather schools taught teenagers to be over cautious, to avoid unwanted pregnancies and stds.

Judging by the number of posts on this forum about people who still don't understand how conception and contraception works, I really think we should still be focusing on prevention and I for one, am frankly sick of having the media seemingly constantly reminding me that my fertility fell off a cliff at 30.

I think it’s really important that teens think it’s really easy to fall pregnant.

Why? We don’t tell our kids lies in other parts of their education, why here? Why pretend something which may not be true is a definite?

Surely it would be better to teach them they may fall pregnant very easily than tell them they will. I think it’s something like one in six women will have a fertility related problem, why should they be lied to and told they’re going to get pregnant easily when they’re not?

And it DOESN’T stop teenagers getting pregnant anyway. This type of sex Ed was prevalent while teen pregnancy rates rocketed and it did fuck all to stop it and may have made things worse.

Schools simply can’t teach everything. They are taugh about issues in fertility in GCSE. However any suggestion about it being difficult to get pregnant would almost certaintly (having taught hundreds of girls now) lead them into a false sense of security when the message we want to convey is it only takes once. They barely believe this as it is. Surely some knowledge you just gain over life?

I had an unplanned pregnancy aged 27 by having unprotected sex on day 5 of my cycle. Luckily I understood it was a possibility. Of course you can get pregnant on more than 1 or 2 days a month if you are fertile. Sperm live for 7 days.

Your chances are an average of 20%, however my DM, my Dsis and I have all conceived in the first month of not using contraception and have had unplanned pregnancies.

Yes, my daughters know, we've discussed it, but also we've discussed how both their coming into the world were when we slipped up - I got pregnant the day after my period ended! Some of us are (were in my case) more fertile than others!

I wish I'd known more and not left it so late. I'd have started TTC earlier. As it is I have one ivf baby but I'd love to have had more. It's my only regret.

I can't remember when I wasn't extremely aware that fertility declined with age. All I used to hear were scare stories about how women leaving it until their 30s were having trouble conceiving & you really had to be trying by 35 or you'd be in big trouble. IVF was a heart breaker, not successful to many at any cost, a huge physical ordeal.

That's what I KNEW for certain in late 1990s. There were constant public warnings about women leaving it too late to get pg and that our fertility was a precious thing that disappeared very quickly when you weren't paying attention. I have a cousin born 1966 who had same beliefs at same age (we discussed about that time).

I thought It would take me at least 6 months of trying to conceive when I was in my early 30s... then I fell pg unplanned

I think schools go overboard on the 'look how easy it is to get pregnant' message to try and counteract some of the myths like "you can't get pregnant on your first time", "you can't get pregnant if you do it standing up", or (my all time favourite) "you can't get pregnant if you do it in a graveyard".

imho, it's a greater tragedy to bring an unwanted child into the world than it is to not be able to bring your own bio child into the world. Not that anyone should care what I think, but I would rather schools, if they have to error one way, lean towards 'This could too easily happen to you'.

I fell pregnant with my first on the pill. I took it religiously had been on it for nearly 10 years. My 2nd took me 9months to conceive, my 3rd I got pregnant with the coil in, my 4th was withdrawal method not all contraception works for everyone and some people are much more fertile than others. Some people had physical reasons for being unable to get pregnant, some people have unexplained fertility problems and some people have multiple miscarriages for unexplained reasons or sometimes physical problems/chromosome/genetic issues. While it would be good to educate people of that and the fact that sometimes nothing works for some people I don't think telling teenagers that getting pregnant is hard or not straightforward would be a good thing to do. Surely the fear of getting pregnant helps teens not to take risks.

Of course teenage girls shouldn't be told that they can only get pregnant 1 or 2 days a month. Although...both teenage girls trying not to conceive and adult women trying to conceive are perfectly capable of finding out the facts and statistics about fertility and conception online in 5 minutes, so I'm not sure anyone is really going to be disadvantaged by a lack of available information.

I for one, am frankly sick of having the media seemingly constantly reminding me that my fertility fell off a cliff at 30.

Me too. I conceived 3 times in my 30s, absolutely no issues. My periods are slightly irregular - enough to make it near impossible to calculate a "fertile window".

Statistically it does though. There will always be people who buck the trend and fall outside the bell curve but the reality is that fertility DOES tail off for the majority.

I know one woman who has said she gets pregnant very easily.

I have many other friends that I know of who have struggled to conceive.

People should be made aware of the odds.

I think that the message to the young should be that if you have sex you are putting yourself at risk of pregnancy and Sti. You should therefore always use adequate contraception eg pill or implant as well as condoms. If the boy doesn't wish to use a condom say no. Withdrawal does not count as adequate contraception.If the contraception you are using doesn't seem to suit you then see your doctor or family planning nurse before stopping it.
When you are ready emotionally and financially to have a baby stop using contraception. The vast majority of women fall pregnant within two years of regular unprotected sex. If you leave trying to fall pregnant until you are in your late thirties you are not leaving yourself much time to sort it out if a problem arises and indeed you may not be lucky enough to fall pregnant in some cases.
Miscarriages are common.
This whole area is a bit of a bugbear of mine. Teenagers are given information at school but it gets hugely diluted by the rumour mill and some of the misinformation sticks. It is quite common on these boards to hear of adult women using withdrawal as contraception for example.
I'm going to into a rant so I'll stop.
By the way OP I understand what you are saying in that we don't all have an infinite supply of eggs and any one of us might not be fertile but this increases with age.i've heard a gynaecologist only half joking when he said give your daughter a round of freezing her eggs for her 21st birthday rather than a car or earrings! I VF is not available free to every woman and if she doesn't have good eggs won't work . Dreams get dashed very sadly so often. This basic knowledge should be taught but making fertile , erratic and horny teenagers think that taking a chance is a risk worth taking is not right. These are two different issues.

It’s not that much more difficult to conceive post 30. 82% of woman will still conceive within a year between 35 and 39. The risks are increased but the chances of you having a child with downs or still birth are still relatively low. I hate all this fear mongering iabout being 30+ / trying for a baby. Most people will be fine. I’m not disputing the numbers just saying that even with decreased ability to conceive you are still quite likely to get pregnant and have a healthy baby I your 30s. Over 40 this is quite different. Infertility can happen at any age. The biggest risk I think is leaving it too late to do anything about it. Plus if you are absolutely set on having kids you shouldn’t take any risks.

Op could we also please address that it is not just women delaying parenthood but men too. Instead of lumping blame on girls tell men they have a responsibility to consider age.

YABU.
There's enough pressure for girls to have sex young, and quite a lot to have sex unprotected.
Last thing we needs is to give credence to the old myths like "it won't happen the first time" , "just this once" etc.
They are young girls that need advice on safety emotionally and physically, not just from pregnancy but STI's too.

There are still way too many unwanted pregnancies for various reasons, and grown women shocked that they got pregnant when they weren't using contraception or misused it.

Women are adults. They can research and read up on stuff. They can ask questions and are responsible for educating themselves. The information is out there.

As an aside, i got pregnant twice, once on my period and once with no periods at all.

As someone who concieved because of a contraception failure (and yes I did keep her) I think YABU

"As an aside, i got pregnant twice, once on my period and once with no periods at all."

That is something that we should educate Women on, the difference between a period and ovulation. Both can happen without the other.

Generally if Teens are shagging, they are doing a lot of it, so there's a very good chance that they'll end up pregnant, quite quickly, all things considered.

We don't tell our Teens about drugs, in a way to let them make informed choices. The true statistics show that drinking causes more issues in Teens. But we tell them the worst case scenario.

The risk of pregnancy, like drugs, should be overstated.

But from what I've seen, it's getting the message across about STIs that is the aim, not pregnancy.

I'm anti-drugs btw.

@keely71 because you only hear the stories of all those who struggled for years to get pregnant in their 40's, had miscarriages or other complications. People forget that a couple of generations ago women commonly had children until the menopause. When you point that out you are then told but they had 5+ children not none or one. Well with myself, my family and the social circle I have it doesn't matter if you have no children or 5+ it's down to genetics if you can have children aged 40+.

@Birdsgottafly I know. And actually teaching periods over ovulation and cycles and the variation of this is a good idea.

My reply was in response to this
You can get pregnant any time of the month even when you are on your period.

Because OP seems to think it was bs or highly improbable.