To think that girls are not taught about the realities of conceiving?

[Cocopops2010]

AIBU to think that young girls are not properly taught about the realities (and potential difficulties) in getting pregnant?
When I was at school (90s and 2000s) my sex education classes left me with the impression that one night of unprotected sex would almost certainly leave me pregnant. Oral sex could leave me pregnant. 'Heavy petting' could make me pregnant. Condoms can split or have holes in them so you need to also be on the pill. You can get pregnant any time of the month even when you are on your period. If you did have any trouble getting pregnant, then there is always IVF which 100% works.

Now, I realise that technically the above could be true in a very small number of cases. Then I hit my 30s and suddenly a number of my friends are having huge problems conceiving, IVF is not always available on the NHS and privately is hugely expensive.

So, do you think that really girls at school should be taught that actually there will only be 1-2 days a month that you can get pregnant, and that it might actually not be that easy?

Am fully prepared to be shot down in flames and called un-feminist etc...

Well I went to school in the 80s but the rhetoric was much the same. I paid attention and didn’t have unprotected sex until I was 32 and wanted a baby. I was pregnant within a month. So YABU!

I've got a very long list of things I need to teach my 10 year old as school doesn't cover it. Most of it is related to financial matters - saving money, paying bills etc. Some of it relates to her body going through changes. I'll make a mental note to add in pregnancy information at some point too. So much to tell kids! My mother told me nothing. The Reader's Digest Family Health Guide was my go-to book!

@alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 - you were lucky.

@alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 - a lot of people have to try for a lot longer than one month.

one night of unprotected sex would almost certainly leave me pregnant. Oral sex could leave me pregnant. 'Heavy petting' could make me pregnant. You can get pregnant any time of the month even when you are on your period. If you did have any trouble getting pregnant, then there is always IVF which 100% works.
I certainly wasn't told any of this. You must have had a shockingly bad teacher, or you have a poor memory.

Condoms can split or have holes in them so you need to also be on the pill.
This is true, why would you think otherwise?

It certainly does sound like your teaching in school was ineffective.

Oh I dunno. I have had unprotected sex probably less than 10 times in my life. All in my thirties.
I have 3 children.
For some people it really is that easy

Some women get pregnant very very easily even when they are older. And younger women are more fertile. Some women get pregnant easily in their 30s, for some their fertility has already declined massively.

I do agree though that IVF should not be pushed as solution, but as technology that has a high failure rate.

I kind of get this. I spent my late teens and twenties terrified of being pregnant accidentally and then found it all really ironic when I got to my thirties and struggled (we had ivf for one of ours).

I think school probably isn’t the right place, but a lot of people still need educating in my opinion about the dangers of leaving it until late (eg late thirties or later) and what the realities are. I myself have friends in this situation. Some people don’t struggle- great- but you are taking a risk in any case.

Not a lot is widely known about Ivf either, so unless you go through it yourself, the facts about the low success rates aren’t widely known in my experience either.

I had mys d education around 2010 in Australia (catholic school in case that is relevant). The prevention of spread of STIs was great. Not only were we taught about condone but also female condoms and dental dams as well. And very up to date and factually correct information about the prevalence and treatment of STDs. Conception was entirely framed within contraception. We were taught how the menstrual cycle worked and when a woman is most fertile etc. We were then taught how this interacted with contraception in particular how hormonal contraceptives disrupt the menstrual cycle. There was a long and detailed discussion of different contraceptives and their failure rates and side effects. I would say that we were made aware that, while there a periods in the menstrual cycle were conception was more likely, there was a risk at any point in the cycle. There was a cursory mention that fertility in women drops (meaning a decrease in chances or conception and increase in the chances of genetic anomalies) at 26 culminating at a sharp drop at 35. I think that given our age at the time and the cultural relevance (most people start familiesearlier in Australia than they do in Britain) the information was adequate. I would consider taking an interest in your health and reading up on it a basic form of ‘adulting’ andwould be a bit surprised if a woman was shocked that she was struggling to conceive after putting it off the her thirties. Surely it’s just common knowledge?

I started secondary school in 1997 & was definitely taught that there was a window of conception each month HOWEVER we were also taught that when you first start menstruating, cycles can be irregular so as teens, it was important to always be safe because as well as STD’s, pregnancy could also be a risk at anytime as we wouldn’t necessarily know where in our cycle we were. I think that’s why a of lot teenagers came away thinking a one night stand equals pregnancy.

They did recommend 2 forms of contraception but I think the reason for that was they expected us to not use them correctly at that age (forgetting a pill, condom coming off etc).

I was definitely taught that fertility declines with age & that IVF was not a 100% guarantee as well. I remember learning about geriatric pregnancy & conditions that are a a higher risk after a certain age etc.

To be honest, whilst we were taught everything, I think a lot of us just took away what applicable to us at the time (as teenagers) & disregarded the rest as things like declining fertility or IVF seemed a lifetime away.

Maybe I was lucky though & had really good sex education. Biology dealt with the mechanics & PSHE dealt with the emotional side, peer pressure, consent etc.

@Missillusioned Maybe a dozen times here, with 2 children, both conceived after 1 cycle (age 28/30) and no special effort to have lots of sex!

Well, the flipside of that is women aged 40 and up with unplanned pregnancies because the “fertility DROPS OFF A CLIFF at 35!” message is so common that they think they don’t need to bother as much with contraception. Not sure of the figures now but definitely a few years ago, the abortion rate for girls age 16 and under was the same as for women 40 and up.

We should definitely give girls realistic information about conceiving but “it can be harder than you think” isn’t the only one they need to hear.

The problem with youth is hormones. A young lady may say "no" a hundred times, but her body is programmed to reproduce. The one evening her fertility is at peak, she has no idea the hormones are speaking when she says "One time won't hurt" and falls pregnant. But, I also see what you mean about people waiting for "the right time" and then finding out that they have outwaited the fertile years.

I went with my DD then aged 17 to the FPC and was horrified when the nurse said how nice it was to have a young girl thinking in advance about contraception. She said she still has girls thinking they can't get pregnant standing up, can't get pregnant first time, can't get pregnant if he pulls out - all the stuff that was being bandied around when I was a teen over 30 years ago!! I was amazed that, with this age of enlightenment and information about everything that such ignorance still prevails.
I was equally shocked to hear that in a local secondary school the boys are telling the girls anal is the future for sex as you can't get pregnant that way. And the girls are believing them and doing it. Technically true I guess but . perhaps I'm just too much of a fuddy duddy for this era.

@cocopops2010 I know I was lucky! But I’m very glad I had the sex Ed I had because I was sexually active from the age of 16 so if I hadn’t been diligent about my contraception I’d have been pregnant 16 years before I was ready. So I’m very bloody glad I was told I could get pregnant at the drop of a hat because for some people it is true.

Sorry OP have just realised that I completely missed the point of your thread! Need my brain back in gear

You make a really good point, OP and I’m not sure of the ‘right’ approach but I know how I’ll parent my daughter on this issue in future.

DD is 9 months and the result of several attempts at IVF after a long and painful journey to get pregnant. I’m 33 so hardly ‘old’. I too learned about reproduction in the same terms as you describe above and I was terrified about getting accidentally pregnant as a young girl/woman and was always very careful with contraception. I may not even have needed it but I wasn’t to know and it certainly helped in ensuring that I’ve never contracted an STD.

When my daughter is a teen I’ll be keen to go with the same rhetoric. When she reaches mid teens (or when I deem it appropriate) I will warn her of some of the possible scenarios which could play out WRT her fertility.

I'm not sure schools should be educating children/teenagers on this issue, to be honest. Its reaching quite far ahead for 14 or 15 yr olds who are thinking in the present or near future, and cant ever imagine being as horrifically old as 30 .

Preventing STIs and pregnancy and promoting healthy relationships are probably more relevant messages for young people.

I agree that in general, as the trend towards leaving starting a family until later in life grows, people do need to understand the implications of this. But in fairness, its out there as a message already, isn't it? I feel like everywhere I turn there is someone banging on about fertility declining after the age of 35...

I also think that in the media & news, as on MN, you are much more likely to hear from those who have sadly experienced fertility issues rather than the very many people who do get pregnant quite easily. So it skews the whole issue.

I also felt slightly betrayed by the fact that I had been taught at school that any unprotected sex WOULD get me pregnant, and it turned out to be quite tough for me. In hindsight I took a lot of unnecessary morning after pills and pregnancy tests... But I still think it's the right message for teenagers, who need no encouragement to risk take. My friends and I were all terrified of pregnancy and it might have been over the top, but on the other hand none of my group of close friends from school (six of us) have ever had an unwanted pregnancy, which I believe beats the odds considerably.

I’m pretty sure when I was 17 I wasn’t tracking my cycle to work out when I wouldn’t get pregnant! Far better to scare the bejesus out of them in my opinion - better safe than sorry. I was proper scared of getting pregnant and I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all.

But by the time I was ready to conceive I totally knew about it only likely to happen on a few days per month - how do you get to 30ish and not know this? I would have thought it’s pretty common knowledge amongst grown women? But maybe not, judging by this thread! I think I knew from reading magazines (the internet of the 90s!) and later from stuff I read online. I find it amazing that a grown woman who has got to the stage that she wants to have children doesn’t even know how best to get pregnant

I don’t think the two necessarily have to conflict.

I think you can teach girls that when they don’t want to get pregnant they need to be very careful, but if they do want to get pregnant then they need to consider how important that is to them and if very much so, consider getting pregnant earlier.

I agree with you, because so much sex education is about putting the fear of God into girls, when it should be about empowering them to plan their families in both the sense of not having children when they want them and having children when they do.

That pTeenage pregnancies have fallen dramatically in recent

As I have frequently told my DC - a lot of their friends would not be here if any form of contraception is fool proof. Yes I have also known a lot of couples struggle with fertility issues.
But I do think YABU, as for a lot of people getting pregnant (especially in their teens) when you don't want to is a much more urgent reality. Yes infertility should be talked about too, but the key message is "you could be that girl who gets pregnant far too easily".

I kind of get this. I spent my late teens and twenties terrified of being pregnant accidentally and then found it all really ironic when I got to my thirties and struggled (we had ivf for one of ours

Me too. Was 29 when first started ttc. Never did. Tried IVF but it failed 6 times.

However I Don't think that girls should be taught that it's actualy not that easy to conceive. They should be taught that catching an STI might make them infertile.

Not that I did catch an STI!