To think that girls are not taught about the realities of conceiving?

[Cocopops2010]

AIBU to think that young girls are not properly taught about the realities (and potential difficulties) in getting pregnant?
When I was at school (90s and 2000s) my sex education classes left me with the impression that one night of unprotected sex would almost certainly leave me pregnant. Oral sex could leave me pregnant. 'Heavy petting' could make me pregnant. Condoms can split or have holes in them so you need to also be on the pill. You can get pregnant any time of the month even when you are on your period. If you did have any trouble getting pregnant, then there is always IVF which 100% works.

Now, I realise that technically the above could be true in a very small number of cases. Then I hit my 30s and suddenly a number of my friends are having huge problems conceiving, IVF is not always available on the NHS and privately is hugely expensive.

So, do you think that really girls at school should be taught that actually there will only be 1-2 days a month that you can get pregnant, and that it might actually not be that easy?

Am fully prepared to be shot down in flames and called un-feminist etc...

I know people who have been PERFECT with the pill and got pregnant.
I suspect at that age it’s warning people it’s possible, and until fairly recently the UK did have quite a high rate of teenage pregnancy.

I don’t think that we should teach young women that it’s quite hard to get pregnant. Don’t forget it’s easier to get pregnant at 15 than 30

As above I wonder if it’s this education that has led to decreased teenage pregnancies in this country?

Understanding the teenage mindset I can see lots of kids not using contraception because they think the chances are so low they won't get pregnant. This country has such a problem with sexual health diseases and young (unwanted) pregnancies that giving them an excuse to not use a condom is a bad idea.

The problem is that as teens they are likely to be more fertile than women in their 30s. They are also more likely to have irregular periods.

As some could get pregnant as you describe and at that age this is generally not what people want to do, it is better to stress the risk. Perhaps there needs to be a different form of sex education for older people who do want to have kids, maybe through TV?

Not sure how your post could be anti feminist?

The problem is at that age you want to get them through their education without a baby. It's hard to teach both.

I guess, in school sex ed, they overplay the chances of conceiving so as to encourage the girls not to have unprotected sex. Of course, the chances of conceiving were also probably higher when your friends were in school. You're not the first person I've heard say this, the irony that we get this fear of pregnancy instilled in us as teenagers and then when TTC you start to realise how unrealistic it was - I wonder if it wouldn't be possible to give your girls a more nuanced message - you're approaching your peak fertility, so ironically you have to be really careful now if you want to delay starting a family, but when you eventually get to it in your 30s you might have to wait a while till it actually works...

So, do you think that really girls at school should be taught that actually there will only be 1-2 days a month that you can get pregnant, and that it might actually not be that easy?

No, because it is likely to lull them into a false sense of security re the need for contraception and encourage them to play fast and loose where safe sex is concerned. Teenage girls cycles are often unpredictable and so it isn’t easy to predict (and avoid) ovulation. Clear information on how (and which) STIs can be transmitted and how pregnancy can occur is definitely needed but I think it is a mistake to start telling teenagers that the likelihood of conceiving in any one sexual encounter is minimal.

It's not a secret that your fertility dies away as you reach your 30's

Many people have and still do fall pregnant extremely easily, even with precautions. Especially at a younger age!

there will only be 1-2 days a month that you can get pregnant

It’s not that simple- you could have sex several days before ovulation and still get pregnant.

So, do you think that really girls at school should be taught that actually there will only be 1-2 days a month that you can get pregnant, and that it might actually not be that easy?

I don't think that's even true: sperm can survive for a good few days in the female genital tract, so there are potentially and good few days in the cycle where pregnancy may occur from just one instance of sex, i.e. from 3-4 days days before ovulation, (as sperm are "waiting") and for a few days after.

Crosdpost May

Not really sure I understand your point?

Girls should be better educated that they’re more likely to get an STI than fall pregnant. But I don’t think we should encourage telling them that getting pregnant is dependent on specific timelines. It will just lull them into a false sense of security.

I totally understand the need to reduce teenage pregnancy - I grew up in a very deprived area with a huge teenage pregnancy rate, so I completely understand where the teachers were coming from.
However a number of my friends are really struggling to conceive now, and yes ok the information is out there that it is more difficult to conceive in your 30s, but in my experience you don't really start to read about this kind of stuff until you actually want to conceive... it's a tricky one I know...

Agree with Diana If anything, I find the girls in my eldest daughter's year group are way too ignorant and lax as it is. Lots of the boys don't want to wear condoms and most of the kids having sex at her school rely on the withdrawal method as a form on contraception (I was gobsmacked when she told me this!). They don't seem to think STIs apply to them. I don't know how typical her peer group are, but if this is the norm, we are going backwards in terms of kids practicing safe sex. So I would happy scare the shit out of them regarding pregnancy if it meant they started protecting themselves!

Definitely not. As people have said, teenage pregnancies and STDs (I think it’s easier for a teenager to insist on using protection to avoid pregnancy than to avoid STDs). Also you’re more fertile at that age.

And secondly no... I don’t see how it can be a surprise in this day and age that your fertility declines as you get older and if you want to understand your cycle and your odds and all of that, the info is so readily available. It’s not a secret.

Teens are not only more fertile than other women they are also more likely to ovulate more than once a month. So saying there’s only 1-2 days you can get pregnant would be inaccurate. There’s also the factor that most teens won’t have regular periods (that comes after 16-17) and so would have no idea when they ovulate. It’s better for them all to be given good, sound, advice on the importance of contraception than being told they can somehow magically avoid a pregnancy because they can’t: your advice is rubbish.

I had this chat with my friends when I was the only one ttc, and how there was basically 15 mins a month you could get pregnant and it’s a pain, and one friend said it’s a joke we tell teenagers how easy it was. To which I replied the problem for both parties is you don’t actually know which 15 mins it is that’s where it’s a disaster for all concerned. (Obviously the 15 mins being hyperbole and assuming you are otherwise fertile)

I totally get what you mean @Cocopops2010 I started ttc at age 28 and naively thought it would happen straight away and i could even pick what month i wanted the baby to be born, how wrong i was!!
I was lucky in the sense it only took me 10 cycles so happened before it got to the stage of tests/treatment etc but those 10 months were probably some of the most stressful of my life. After speaking to people it amazed me how many people do struggle to conceive or take longer than they expected.
I don't think teaching school age girls that getting pregnant isn't easy is a great idea tbh but i wonder whether there should be more information given at a later date, 1st smear or something like that.

At school we were taught the best time to get pregnant was in your early 20s.

For some reason there was a couple of discussions about serious injuries to teenagers who gave birth but not in sex education. So a lot of us had the idea of having children in our mid-20s.

I fell pregnant despite using condoms with proper use and careful storage - no splits, no second goes, a few days after stopping the pill, not a disaster as we were only planning on waiting another year (hence stopping hormonal contraceptives to ensure my cycle would return to normal) and we are in our 20’s but still.

It is possible especially so young to conceive very easily for some teenagers / young women and I think it’s very important to stress that to youngsters during sex education.

We were taught in school that nothing is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy although some methods come very close.

I do think some discussion about fertility issues would be a good idea, but only in the sense of knowing those options are there, how effective they are, when the most fertile ages occur (which will be when these young people are being educated) and where you should go to learn more. Also highlighting the fact that some women who are told the chances of conceiving for them are low, can and do sometimes end up with surprise pregnancies too, fertility issues don’t mean you don’t require contraception. Look at the amount of women who post on here saying they were told they were unlikely to conceive naturally and found themselves pregnant, sometimes without wanting to be.

The advantages of the discussion would also mean young people could learn more about the ethical issues surrounding things like surrogacy and that adoption isn’t an easy path.

I think more education around pregnancy and childbirth would be more useful than education on fertility issues in schools. For starters it’s yet more for the young people to think about, and hopefully encourage them to wait until they have finished education at least. It would also ensure women weren’t completely unaware of the changes their body could face.

YANBU

I struggled to conceive and realised I knew bugger all about "how to" etc.

I think girls should be taught a lot more about "female" biology (possibly including the menopause). When else do you get to talk about this stuff?

I think everyone should just be honest with teenagers. Don't imply that having unprotected sex once will 100% lead to pregnancy, but make it clear why it's so important to always use reliable contraception.

I had unprotected sex as a teenager, scared myself silly that I was now definitely pregnant, then when my period came I was convinced I must be infertile. Such a relief when my dm taught me in detail about ovulation and worked out I was likely Ok!

I hope sex ed has improved since I was at school, but I will be making sure my dcs have a better understanding of it all than I did.

I started ttc at age 28 and naively thought it would happen straight away and i could even pick what month i wanted the baby to be born, how wrong i was!!

It's odd as when I was that age there was so much media coverage about fertility decling at 30 (The 300-year-old fertility statistics still in use today) that we were surprised I fell pg so quickly at 28 we thought it would be years and even quicker at 30 with second pg. It was quite a shock.

Though I don't remember as much about contraception in teenage years bar basics- lots about AIDS but no other STDs – that was early 90s.

Maybe they should be taught more about fertility declining with age but we certainly should not be teaching you can only get pregnant on 2 or 3 days a month as a teenager I would have taken that to mean it's really really hard to get accidently pregnant so don't bother trying not to.

I am not suggesting that we tell girls that getting pregnant is really difficult so hey, why not forget contraception.

It's just that when else do you have sex education, other than when you are a teenager? Most women in their 20s aren't reading up on ovulation cycles etc. I just feel that a more balanced picture could be presented - perhaps at a first smear test as one poster has suggested. That whilst contraception is very important, don't just assume that you're going to fall pregnant at 35.