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AIBU?

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Original poster

Having to pick 11 yr old up from school

261 replies

Knitwit101 · 05/12/2018 11:44

Our school has a new head. Been there maybe a month. He has announced that in the winter all kids must be collected from school. I have an 11 yr old in p7 (Scotland) who has been walking home alone since p3. We are really near the school and he has only one road to cross, it has a crossing. This is a ridiculous rule, right? Surely an 11 yr old can walk maybe 4 minutes home alone if his parent says he can? It's not even nearly dark at 3.15pm.

To add to my irritation my 6 yr old finishes 20 minutes earlier. There is nowhere sheltered outside to wait and we are not allowed to wait in the school. There's no point walking home, sitting at home for 10 minutes then going back out again. So I am expected to stand outside (in weather and light that is unsuitable for 11 yr olds to be alone in) with my 6 yr old for 20 minutes to collect an 11 yr old who is perfectly capable of walking home alone.

I have complained, as have several other parents. The school have said that they are not making judgements about the capabilities and journeys of individual pupils, it's the same rule for everyone and that's that.
One parent refused to come and collect her dd. She was made to wait in school and her parent was called to collect her.

Yesterday I offered to 'collect' a bunch of kids and walk them to the school gate then let them go. So i basically collected every p7 kid then let them walk home like they usually do. I half thought the school would have phoned me this morning and complained about deliberate flouting of their policy but they haven't. Another parent is going to collect them all today and walk them round the corner out of sight.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous policy?

OP posts:
Easterbuns1 · 05/12/2018 15:13

My P4 and P5 would hate it if I suddenly had to start walking them to and from school again. The rule seems totally daft if they can walk to school without an adult in the morning where you quite rightly point out on days like today it was actually icy and still a bit dark at 8.30am. Mine will walk on their own in all weather all winter as will a large proportion of the children in our Scottish school.

Chouetted · 05/12/2018 15:14

Very peculiar - I was walking to and from school alone by year 4, as I was one of the oldest in the year - my mother wasn't keen, but I waged a campaign to prove I was capable of it, and won. To be honest, the time alone did me a lot of good, and developed my independence. I'd have been furious to be told I wasn't trusted just because of my age, and probably would have been attempting to organise a protest Grin

Maybe it's a rural vs urban thing?

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 05/12/2018 15:15

What does he mean by the weather? If it's raining then they are going to get wet walking home with an adult or not? That makes no sense at all

Yes, I was thinking that too!

My 11 year old has been walking home by himself since the last term of year 5. Now he's year 6 he also walks himself to school. I say "by himself" but he actually meets up with friends and it's a busy route as there's another primary school nearby too so there are lots of parents around.
He even (shock, horror!) has his own key so that he can let himself in twice a week when I am still at work.
It's done wonders for his independence and relationships with his friends. It's one of the little stepping stones towards being fully independent - first walking home from school, then to school, then being on his own at home for a little bit. Next will probably be getting the bus into town with his mates and stuff like that.
He (and I!) would be very annoyed if he wasn't allowed to do it anymore.

OP, I'd be booking a meeting with the Head and asking him to explain exactly what the reasons are...there must be more to do than waffle about weather and dark.

empmalswa · 05/12/2018 15:17

The school have said that they are not making judgements about the capabilities and journeys of individual pupils, it's the same rule for everyone and that's that.

This tells me there is either a high risk situation that school are aware of involving and external person, or there is a child protection situation and they cannot single out that one child.

Saracen · 05/12/2018 15:24

The head cannot insist that you pick your child up. It's up to you, the parent, to decide how your child goes to and from school. The most he can do is report you to Social Services if he is sure you are putting your child at risk. I rather doubt they would give him the time of day in this particular case.

Send a letter saying that your child has permission to make his own way home and that you will not be collecting him.

TheOrigFV45 · 05/12/2018 15:27

I've read that actually it's the young teens who are most at risk from being in accidents on the way home from school.

They're often in groups, distracted, too cool to wear reflectors on their back packs, later leaving school ie more often in the dark, going further distances, have that 'confidence' of being a teenager, but not the maturity for road crossing safety to be completely automatic.

HouseOfGoldandBones · 05/12/2018 15:40

My DS is at a school which is slap bang in the centre of town, and they're not allowed out of the playground AT ALL during the school day until they are in S3 (13/14 years old).

However, after L3 when they are walked out by the class teacher & collected by parents), they simply leave the building & it is assumed that parents have made arrangements for them getting home & the school don't get involved at all.

RollaCola84 · 05/12/2018 15:56

Boohissmiss what about all the kids who are still 11 when they start secondary school ? I'm an August baby and was barely 3 weeks past my 11th birthday when I started secondary school.

Primary school I was dropped off by my aunt as I had younger cousins at the same school. Not giving me a key when I went to senior school would have created massive work problems for my parents.

OP - head is being bonkers. An 11yr old can and should walk that

cheminotte · 05/12/2018 16:01

I’m not surprised you’ve seen uni students being collected Annie , my (white) colleague’s daughter has decided to attend the local uni and live at home. He commented on some of the lectures being quite late and picking her up from them. He thinks it’s a ‘nice thing to do’ and means he gets to spend time with her he wouldn’t otherwise. I think it’s a bit weird and she should be sorting herself out at 18.

Pigflewpast · 05/12/2018 16:29

cheminotte and Annie my daughter is 18 and goes to college. She has a 10 minute walk from college to the bus, 50min bus journey and 20 min walk home from the bus. If I’m at home I can drive for 20 min to get her. I enjoy the drive home, as your colleague said, it’s one of the few times I get time with her. Why shouldn’t I get her just because she’s 18 and could be “sorting herself out”, why is it weird to want to make life nice for your ddjust because they’re older?

OP sorry to derail. Your headmaster is barmy.

Pigflewpast · 05/12/2018 16:32

Annie you’re there to give your dh a lift, why is that different from giving a dc a lift?

ReflectentMonatomism · 05/12/2018 16:35

This tells me there is either a high risk situation that school are aware of involving and external person, or there is a child protection situation and they cannot single out that one child.

Then there's going to be an impasse the moment a parent, like the OP, gives their child permission to walk home alone and then implements it by not collecting them. Because the child will be in the school, holding children hostage against their parents' instructions is illegal and if the head teacher phones the police, social services or the SAS to report that an 11 year old child is on the premises and their parent hasn't arrived to collect them and what are they going to do about it, the answer will be "nothing, and stop wasting our time". It isn't the responsibility of parents to inconvenience themselves over an issue where they disagree with the school, and where the law and custom and practice is on their side, just because a head has a bee in their bonnet.

Boohissmiss · 05/12/2018 16:35

Rollscola maybe I should say I wouldn’t give a primary aged child a key then . Luckily we are in Scotland here and my child will be 12 and 5 months before she starts high school .

Nicknacky · 05/12/2018 16:39

And it makes no sense that it’s because of some child protection matter that only the school know about. The kids walk to school so they would be in as much risk then as they would be after school!

BumsexAtTheBingo · 05/12/2018 16:45

There are plenty of blanket school rules that aren’t necessary for my child though. The school rules aren’t made on an individual basis.
I think it’s unwise to kick up a fuss about something that is a minor inconvenience to you. Your younger child has a lot of years there ahead of them and there may well be more serious issues where you want the head on side.

Nicknacky · 05/12/2018 16:47

But it’s an unnecessary inconvenience. And many parents will be at work and happy to have their child come home alone. They could have a disabled grandparent waiting for them at home, for example. What are they supposed to do now?

Boohissmiss · 05/12/2018 16:53

Nicknicky I think the difference is I have never heard of a parent going to work at say 730 and leaving a primary aged child to get themselves up and get dressed and lock the house up themselves. Where as a few parents would be happy to give them a key after school to be in themselves .

Original poster
Knitwit101 · 05/12/2018 16:55

a minor inconvenience

It's not a minor inconvenience. It's a big inconvenience. I don't want to stand around in the cold and rain for 20 minutes every day with a little kid if I can't arrange someone else to collect him. There are lots of parents in this position, many with younger toddlers. The kids are not allowed outside if there's the slightest drop of rain at playtime but lots of them have to now stand around waiting for older siblings? And yes I can arrange swaps and whatnot but I don't need that hassle when my kid is able to walk home alone.

It's not a minor inconvenience to a parent who is at work and has made the judgement that their child is ok to walk home.

Ds often walks home and I'm not there, if the younger one is elsewhere and doesn't need picking up. His older brother gets in 10 minutes after him and they are fine at home together for an hour while I work on.

There are other parents I know who made the decision to leave after school care this year and make alternative arrangements like their 11 yr old walking to a grandparent (who may not be fit to walk to school and back) or walk home and stay at home with an older sibling while parent is at work.

That's not a minor inconvenience, that's an absolute nuisance. The waiting list at our after school club is huge so there's no chance of getting your place back this late in the day.

OP posts:
BumsexAtTheBingo · 05/12/2018 16:55

If any of the parents genuinely can’t get there then they can speak to the school.

Nicknacky · 05/12/2018 16:56

booh Did you mean to tag me? I didn’t mention children getting themselves out in the morning.

If you are referring to my comment about before school, I’m meaning that plenty of children walk to school in the morning and if unaccompanied children in a public place was the heads concern then he would be addressing this also.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/12/2018 16:57

God most of us were cooking dinner or pudding for out families by 11/12

Most of us roamed for hours outsode playing.

Walked the dogs by ourselves
Went and fed neighbours cats by ourselves
Went to the local shops
Went to the park by ourselves

And now with just a short time befire they are sent into the secondary schools they arebt allowed to even walk five mins home Hmm

And we wonder why kids can't even cope with basics these days.

They are in far more danger because of this mollycoddling than they are if anything else

Nicknacky · 05/12/2018 16:57

Bumsex And I can predict that most parents will then say they can’t get to the school. So it’s a pointless rule if he is going to start making exceptions.

empmalswa · 05/12/2018 16:58

reflect

I don't disagree.

underneaththeash · 05/12/2018 17:01

That's mad, I think you need to get together with all the other parents in your year and jointly decide not to collect any of them.

shearwater · 05/12/2018 17:02

I'd write them a letter saying my DC has permission from me to walk home.

If it's some kind of social tool or community initiative, at best it's misguided, and at worst it is reducing the independence of children and putting them at greater risk.